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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS 6 going to the gents unaccompanied in public places

86 replies

Boobalina · 29/03/2011 13:33

I always escort both DS and DD (3) to the ladies loo when out and about - restaurants, shops, zoo, pubs etc. They go in the cubicle themselves and shut the door, but I wait outside the cubicle door for them.

I have a suspicion that my Ex-H lets DS go on his own to the gents if they are out and doesnt always go in with him..... I saw a horrible article in the paper about two little boys being sexually attacked in McDs loos after their Dad let them go by themselves....

I know it is VERY rare, but now I'm in a tizz about it. What do you allow?

OP posts:
ethelina · 29/03/2011 13:36

Well I let my 5 year old nephew go to the loo on his own if I am standing outside them (such as in the queue at McDs (rare) or at the local park. I wouldn't have done that before his 5th birthday last August but he seems mature enough now.

ethelina · 29/03/2011 13:37

Oh bugger. ...local park)

Desperateforthinnerthighs · 29/03/2011 13:37

Personally I wouldn't have let DS at 6 go into the loos on his own - my DS is 8 and like you, I take him into the ladies and wait outside the cubicle door for him!

I remember once I went to a local restuarant and went in the loos with DS and an old lady had got herself locked in her cubicle. Her daughter was on the outside and asked me if DS would go under the door and let her out.....he flatly refused saying "I am not going into a toilet with a strange lady" and I was a bit Shock at the time at his heartlessness but thinking about it.....good on him....I dont want to see an strange old girl on the loo either.

Sorry, totally side tracked there but no, YANBU - 6 is a bit young in my eyes xx

Desperateforthinnerthighs · 29/03/2011 13:38

But yes, if his dad took him and waited outside then I woudnt have a prob with that!

MmeLindt · 29/03/2011 13:39

DS is 6yo and still goes in with me to the ladies, depending on where we are.

Public loos in unsavoury locations, definitely.

Loo in restaurant or cafe, he can go into Gents alone.

titchy · 29/03/2011 13:39

Personally I think 6 is a little young, ds was probably 8 or almost 8 when he went unaccompanied. Maybe make sure he is confident enough to come out of the loo or scream if confronted with a 'situation'...

TBH though you could insist on him being accompanied to the loo until he's 12 or 13 (not that your ds would let you at that age) - it's still a remote possibility he'd be attacked - but just as horrific.

walesblackbird · 29/03/2011 13:41

When DS2 was 6 he put his foot down and refused to go with me to the ladies. He's a bit more body conscious and bashful than his older brother and didn't feel at all comfortable in the ladies.

So I hover.

If we go to McDs then he will go alone or with his older brother usually. Anywhere else and he will go to the gents but I wait outside for him.

We had a major panic in Disneyland Paris in December when dh and the other two children had gone ahead of us and DS2 wanted a wee. When he has to he has to go right now or he'll pee his pants. After 5 minutes when he still wasn't out I was panicking and had to ring dh to come back and get him.

He was having a poo and wondered what all the fuss was about!

FabbyChic · 29/03/2011 13:42

Mine I think were 6, I'd wait outside the mens and watch those going in and out, must have looked like a right weirdo, but I have two boys so they would always go in together the endest is 5 years older.

OliPolly · 29/03/2011 13:42

DS is 7 and I take him into ladies and wait.

He hates it but knows its a big NO from mummy.

DH however prefers to go into a baby room/disabled loo with our 4yo DD because of the urinals in the gents Hmm (don't the gents have 'proper loos' too?)

Chil1234 · 29/03/2011 13:42

My DS didn't want to go into the Ladies with my by about age 7 - and being a single mum that only leaves the solo option. My instructions are that he has to go into a cubicle and lock the door, not talk to anyone and to come straight out after washing hands. I'm waiting outside. Trickier still in swimming pool changing rooms but we've done that one as well without incident.

I don't think you should to take unncessary risks but, OTOH, it's not wise to assume there's a paedophile automatically lurking in every toilet.

squeaver · 29/03/2011 13:43

I'm with Mme on this. My 6 you dd goes on her own but only in restaurants where we go regularly.

Desperateforthinnerthighs · 29/03/2011 13:45

Truth be known, my DS prefers going with me in the ladies Confused ..he is not good with smells and always says that the ladies smell much nicer than the mens. He has quite often gagged in the mens at the stench but he is a pit of a big poof with smells etc

ElsieOops · 29/03/2011 13:47

I think my son went into the Gents by himself when he was 4, he was desperate and the queue for the ladies was v. long. Never looked back after that.

I don't think you can base your actions on such a rare case - you'd never kids out of your sight if you did.

Bucharest · 29/03/2011 13:49

I don't have a boy, and would in all honesty feel the same as a lot of you, but just out of curiosity...if there's something nasty in the boys' toilets at what age are you going to let them?
Because I'd certainly not appreciate an 8 or 9 yr old boy in the ladies with my 7 yr old daughter.For example.

Mamaz0n · 29/03/2011 13:49

I let mine go alone but if they take more than a couple of minutes i go to check on them. more to ensure they aren't splashing water about than anything else though.

ashamedandconfused · 29/03/2011 13:52

even if there are no other people in there to think about (and most people are not a danger, of course) there may be other dangers eg wet floors, broken glass, discarded needles, so i would still take DS in the ladies where I can supervise.

alfabetty · 29/03/2011 13:54

My DS is 6. Whether he goes unaccompanied depends on the location. He goes in to the ladies loo on his own quite a lot in cafes etc.

In our (private) sports club, children over the age of 6 have to use their 'own' changing room, so he goes to get changed and use the loo in the Gents on his own. But that is in an environment that is not open to the public, everyone is a member or signed in and out. Likewise, I leave my bag/phone unaccompanied there.

I don't let him use the Gents alone in public places. Not least because I don't know what state they'd be in and I've no way of checking. So he goes to the ladies on his own.

ashamedandconfused · 29/03/2011 13:54

Bucharest = I'd certainly not appreciate an 8 or 9 yr old boy in the ladies with my 7 yr old daughter - why ever not? They wont be peeing or willy waving in front of her, they will be with a parent and in a separate cubicle??[ hmm]

Justforthekids · 29/03/2011 13:54

It depends on the toilets.
Public toilets at the swimming pool, yes. Horrible nasty toilets in the middle of the town centre no (But then that's a rare occasion tbh).
The dss are 5.5 and 7yo.

Never have had any problem with it. Some 'accidents' (like the day dc1 put his coat on the floor of a very very dirty toilet and came back with poo on it....).
TBH, ds1 would never have been happy to go to the ladies since he has been about 6yo. Much too independant for that lol!

ashamedandconfused · 29/03/2011 13:54

oops Blush

Desperateforthinnerthighs · 29/03/2011 13:56

My DS will go into the loos on his own when he feels confident doing so. He doesnt hang around in there Bucharest - he nips into the cublicle, does his business, washes his hands and we leave! I imagine any time now and he will be going in to the mens on his own but I would still go and wait outside for him and prob will for a good time yet.

alfabetty · 29/03/2011 13:56

BTw, that last post wasn't comparing my son to a handbag, just saying that my club is a closed & quite safe environment! So there's a bit more leeway all around Smile

ashamedandconfused · 29/03/2011 13:57

now, I DO NOT agree with sending boys into the ladies on their own, that totally gets rid of the supervison/looking after them reasons and surely just implies "men are dangerous" ??

alfabetty · 29/03/2011 13:58

I think ladies loos are generally cleaner. And I can go in and check if he is taking too long. Not the 'men are scary' mindset, just practical.

NotJustKangaskhan · 29/03/2011 13:59

I let my six year son go on his own, he asked to go on his own just after he turned six, he knows where they are in all the places we frequent and is very good about going straight in and straight back out again. I would only wait outside if we are in an new place or a place where I would have to wait for him anyways (like a shopping centre). I would feel very odd waiting outside the toilets in a resturant or similar for a child that doesn't need help.

I do take him into the ladies changing area if I take him to swim lessons, but that's more for the seating area and taking care of clothes after he's done changing (he goes in a booth).