DS 6 going to the gents unaccompanied in public places

[Boobalina]

I always escort both DS and DD (3) to the ladies loo when out and about - restaurants, shops, zoo, pubs etc. They go in the cubicle themselves and shut the door, but I wait outside the cubicle door for them.

I have a suspicion that my Ex-H lets DS go on his own to the gents if they are out and doesnt always go in with him..... I saw a horrible article in the paper about two little boys being sexually attacked in McDs loos after their Dad let them go by themselves....

I know it is VERY rare, but now I'm in a tizz about it. What do you allow?

I am stunned when I hear about young boys going into the mens loos on their own - the risk of molestation is very real. It happened to a distant male family member of mine and a relative who works in social work also tells me the risk is real.

If the media is to be believed Nursery settings are no longer safe from "paedos" either.

The risk is minor. Very minor. But of course there is a man waiting in every toilet, and everyone knows someone who it has happened to.

There are risks with everything in life, do you go to the toilet with your children while they are at school, presumable where adults could be lurking in the toilets???

My DTSs (8) never go into a men's loo unless they are with my DH or I know it is definitely empty - and then I wait outside. Usually they come in the ladies with me and DD.

hairfullofsnakes - yes, the risk is real - but it is SMALL. Everything is a risk - crossing the road, is a risk, driving in a car is a risk, you just have to accept that life is full of risks and that you have to balance them.

I personally would think that in some places I would let a 6 year old boy go to the gents on their own, and in some places I wouldn't... but certainly by the time they were about 8 I would expect most children to be using the correct toilet independently.

both ds's (9 and 6) have been going to the gents' on their own - together and individually, for ages. I think we got ds1 to about maybe 7 but ds2 is an independent little sod darling and was off to the loos on his own from about 4/5.

I'm glad they've got the common sense to be able to find the loos wherever we are - restaurants/service stations etc. and get on with it.

I let my son, now 12 go to the gents when he became embarrassed of being in the ladies. He was prob about 9 or 10. I hang around outside when he's in there and if I feel he's taking too long, I have no qualms about going in and shouting "Are you alright love?"

I can't believe there are women on here who drag their 9 and 10 yo boys to the ladies'

DS started going to the gents on his own when he was 4 or 5, I think. He's 9 now. There's no way in hell he would go with mummy to the ladies.

FGS. Get a grip, people.

4 thats a bit young.

I can't believe there are people on here who let their boys go in public toilets at 4 alone.

FGS get a grip.

Age 4 on his own anywhere is downright irresponsible!

goodbyemrschips, I am one who lets their son go in some sitautions into the male toilets alone. I honestly think he is more likely to be abused in the toilets at school than in a random toilet in a shopping centre. Thats how small I think the risk is.

Do people really think there are paedos lurking in every toilet?

And certain toilets. Of course those in unmaintained parks which reek of piss are not ones I let him use alone.

If you mean public toilets like some disgusting smelly places in the underground etc-then, no- but then we wouldn't go to them anyway.

If you mean like in a cinema or restaurant-then, yes.

Why not?

because 4 is too young.

And would it be different for girls? Or is it just the male paedophiles you lot are obsessed with?

candleshoe, my 4 year old has been in school for 6 months. He knows to go in the toilet, pee, wash his hands and exit.

Most of these toilets are in cafes/restaurants/small shopping centres. That is not irresponsible at all. I judge the risk. I use common sense.

FGS, i even let my 3 year old use his own cubicle in the ladies - he doesnt have to come in with me. The worse that can happen is he pees on his own feet.

why is 4 too young? 4 is old enough for school. he is away from me from 8am until 6pm, making his own choices, peeing when he wants on his own. I have to teach him to use those choices outside of school (within reason)

and again, I am talking about the maintained toilets in an enclosed environment. Not the dirty piss smelling ones in the parks.

But why is 4 too young?

I guess if they can't wipe themselves and wash their hands, then yes. Or if they have SN.

But otherwise, why?

"Or is it just the male paedophiles you lot are obsessed with"

I think you'll find that over 90% of all child abuse is perpetrated by males.

I think there was a study done not long ago that disputed these statistics-but nevermind.

Why is it dangerous for a 4 or 5 yo, who knows how to wipe himself and wash his hands, to use a gents in, say, a cinema or a restaurant?

where did you get that figure candleshoe? I have never heard that - like winny I heard it was a lot lot lower.

hmm dd age 7 take herself into the ladies without me even blinking and she would certainly object to me going in same cubicle .So can not understand why people are worried about boys doing .

ds at almost 6 comes with me if disabled toilets are in use or one of the older ds not out with us but then he has sn .But will not be taking him in the ladies much longer

I only have a DD, but in places we know (cinemas, parks, cafes, gym etc on our normal rotation) she goes to the toilet by herself. Of course that's the ladies, but I can't imagine I'd be any different if she was a DS and going in the mens. She is toilet-trained. Why would I need to accompany her, if she is happy to go alone, knows where everything is and is returning to us in the same nearby place (table in the cafe for example)?

Direct quote from NSPCC website:

"Offenders
For context, more than 10 times that number of people (1,402) were proceeded against or found guilty in cases involving indecent images of children in 2007. It's likely there are many more who have not been caught.
(Source: Personal correspondence with the Offending and Criminal Justice Group (RDS), Home Office (Ref IOS 503-04)).

Previous convictions
16 out of 100 offenders had previous or concurrent convictions for sexual assault on a child or grooming a child for sex.

Gender
Of the 100 people convicted, one was female and 99 were male.

Age
Offenders ranged in age from 19 to 65 years of age. In 3 cases the age was not given in news reports."

So you see I was wrong 99% of abuse is by men!

Thanks candleshoe. Are those figures just relating to were proceeded against or found guilty in cases involving indecent images of children in 2007.

Indecent images is very different to actual abuse. And if 1402 is the total number in 2007 (of which only 160 had previous of assault) the risk of finding one of those in the public toilets randomly is very small.

And isnt it similar to murder etc where the vast majority are not random attacks but known by their victims? (e.g. family abuse)