DS 6 going to the gents unaccompanied in public places

[Boobalina]

I always escort both DS and DD (3) to the ladies loo when out and about - restaurants, shops, zoo, pubs etc. They go in the cubicle themselves and shut the door, but I wait outside the cubicle door for them.

I have a suspicion that my Ex-H lets DS go on his own to the gents if they are out and doesnt always go in with him..... I saw a horrible article in the paper about two little boys being sexually attacked in McDs loos after their Dad let them go by themselves....

I know it is VERY rare, but now I'm in a tizz about it. What do you allow?

Don't quite understand the idea of 'dangers' such as wet floors (??), broken glass etc...

I mean one of the things I have taught the dcs is NOT to touch things on the floor (whatever they are) because they are likely to be very dirty. So that includes needles or glass. They also know that broken glass is dangerous.
And yes there are some disadvantages to let them go on their own, mainly that they are much more likely to make a mess. But then that's how they learn too (not to do it, to be more careful but most of all, how to handle a situation when things don't go just as planned)

I read the same story yesterday in the DM and I was horrified. I came home from work this morning and told DP that I didnt want either of the boys (age 10 and 7) to go to the toilet alone again in a public place.

Previously we would let them go to the toilet alone, now Im not so sure I would do that again.

It is rare for these incidents to happen, but that story really got to me yesterday. Poor boys.

I know tired Emma - it totally freaked me out too - but then so is radiation wafting over to UK too....!

I let my DS's go to the gents alone. They are 4 and 6. I think that it's a bit weird for boys of 7 or 8 to be in the women's loos.
If you start thinking that there's a paedo in the public toilets every time you use them, where does it end? What if one of their teachers is a paedo (but not on the police's radar), or one of your relatives, etc, etc. Best just to realise that although these things DO happen, they are very rare. (IMHO)

My 9 year old goes by himself but my 7 year old comes with me if DH isn't about.

My DS is nearly 7 and he always comes into a Ladies cubicle with me. DD(8) will go into her own cubicle (usually adjacent). It never occurred to me to do otherwise. I do not think that he is safe in the Gents on his own. I would never let him go into the Ladies on his own, however, I will always accompany him and go into Cubicle with him to save other female's embarassment should they have any.

My 7yo ds started going into the gents when he was 5. He had quite a long transition period when he would happily use either but now it would be a real struggle to make him use the ladies, although I would if it was somewhere particulary unsavoury.

People do get attacked in public toilets but this applies to all ages and both genders I do worry about my sons but I also worry about my dd when older boys are allowed to be in the womens' toilets.

I would not think the parents of those boys would ever let them into toilets alone for some time. My childs safety is first so I would prefer him to accompany me.

Better safe than sorry I`m afriad

I don't even let my 10 year old go alone and it means nothing if it a restaurant you usually go to, the supermarket or a park - it takes less than a minute for their lives to be fucked up completely from someone already being in there and taking the opportunity or walking in behind them and then getting into the cubicle with them - one of my friends is a police officer in the CAIU and I work in the NHS, a part that often deals with abuse and the stories you hear which are not made up would really make you think twice.

It takes one incident and I would rather be safe than sorry, I see the mess left behind when a child has been abused and it is just bot worth it.

And all you guys saying you would be happy with your kids going in the toilets in public swimming pools - well that is the last place I would let a kid go on their won.

I let ds1 (8) and ds2(6) go into the mens alone.

Very sad story but I honestly believe the risk of them coming to harm to be very small and they do have to use the mens at some point.

Generally they go together, ds2 would happily go alone, ds1 is a bit less confident. DS1 is 9 this year though and I'm inclined to think he is getting too old for the ladies so I would ask ds2 to go along aswell rather than use the ladies.

I don't see any problem with young boys of going into the ladies, everything takes place in a cubicle and is therefore private.

My DS is 10 and usually takes himself, but if we are travelling somewhere unfamiliar or it is late then I keep him with me.

No, I don't, they go with DH o if they can't they come in with me. (4 and 6)

Had enough odd encounters when I was little to warrent wanting to keep them safe.

depends on the location (how manky etc), so we have been known to get boys to use nearest tree instead

'Because I'd certainly not appreciate an 8 or 9 yr old boy in the ladies with my 7 yr old daughter.'

Well I have both girls and boys and a young boy in the ladies would not bother me or my daughter, especially an 8/9 or younger!!! Do you just have girls by any chance?

Jesus....not another every man is a potential peado thread so we mustn't let our kids out of sight for 1 second.

I can't remember when I started letting my DS go to the toilet on his own. But my only concerns were can he be trusted to get in there, do his business, wash his hands and come out on his own.

Peado's do not live on every street corner and if you behave like they do then I feel sorry for your kids who will grow up with a very warped sense of society.

Agree Niceguy

Lots of reasons for not sending children on their own, aside from fear of sexual assault, have been mentioned here.

If your child wants to go unaccompanied and he/she can reach the door handle/urinal/taps then let them have the sense of independence.

We cannot let them be terrified of everything just 'because'.

It amazes me the number of 'such a thing happened in my local McDonalds' type stories that are mostly scaremongering or 'friend of a friend' type stories.

There are unsavoury people but I suspect they do not all live in the toilet.

I've been letting DS go by himself since he was about 4. He has yet to encounter broken glass, syringes, peedafils or even a big spider. I have occasionally had to stick my head round the Gents' door and roar at him to stop playing with the driers and come out, thus startling one or two blokes into peeing on their shoes, but generally DS is pretty reasonable.
Though one of the things that made me start sending him by himself was his tendency to want to visit the loo repeatedly whenever we go anywhere new and I got tired of having to constantly jump up from a meal in a cafe, make sure I had all our valuables but left something on the table to make it obvious we hadn;t done a runner or whatever...

I think I mst have been 6/7 when allowed to use Gents alone by my Mum (Dad was dead) but on strict warning to "kick him where it hurts" if approached. Think the use of cubicles (which are often appalling, some without seats, or doors with broken locks) were off limits in case someone barged in behind me...

Main warning from Mum was about two public loos in particular - Clock Tower, Brighton (pehaps a gay pickup place, loos are underground so down steps and not a pleasant place) and main railway station, because loos are again undeground, but route is also an exit to a different road, so multiple ways in/out of Gents, meaning a Mum standing outside may not know if son had been led away from another exit, IYSWIM...

Certainly don't condone paranoia but sensible risk assessment is often worthwhile.

My boys were all about 9 years old when they started going into the blokes' by themselves, dependent on where we were.

Why Bucharest? What on earth do you think a little boy going into the ladies is going to? If he is going to the toilet behind a closed, locked door (as presumably you and your daughters also do) and is accompanied by his mother/older female, why does this affect you?

I find this really weird-I go to public toilets in all sorts of places and I never see boys over 6yrs (7 at the most) in the ladies and yet on MN they won't let them go in the gents! It doesn't add up. I saw one 9yr old in a motorway service station once but he had learing difficulties and so it was understandable. I have DSs and once they could read and understand, they wouldn't have been seen dead in the ladies! I have even seen notices in some places saying no boys over 6yrs.

Sometimes my DS (4.5) goes in the gents alone. Its not somehting I planned, but where he spends weekends with his Dad he is used to going in the boys for a wee (and also like at school) and automatically goes for the mens toilets. If I can I steer him into the womens, especially "outside" toilets like the ones in town.

Cafes/restaurants/shopping centres I am more relaxed about, simply as they tend to be cleaner!