DS 6 going to the gents unaccompanied in public places

[Boobalina]

I always escort both DS and DD (3) to the ladies loo when out and about - restaurants, shops, zoo, pubs etc. They go in the cubicle themselves and shut the door, but I wait outside the cubicle door for them.

I have a suspicion that my Ex-H lets DS go on his own to the gents if they are out and doesnt always go in with him..... I saw a horrible article in the paper about two little boys being sexually attacked in McDs loos after their Dad let them go by themselves....

I know it is VERY rare, but now I'm in a tizz about it. What do you allow?

Most child sexual abuse is committed by men; studies show that women commit 14% to 40% of offenses reported against boys and 6% of offenses reported against girls.

Sources:
^ a b c d e Julia Whealin, Ph.D. (2007-05-22). "Child Sexual Abuse". National Center for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, US Department of Veterans Affairs. www.ptsd.va.gov/public/pages/child-sexual-abuse.asp.

^ a b Finkelhor D (1994). "Current information on the scope and nature of child sexual abuse". The Future of Children 4 (2): 31?53. doi:10.2307/1602522.

Dube SR, Anda RF, Whitfield CL, et al. (June 2005). "Long-term consequences of childhood sexual abuse by gender of victim". American Journal of Preventive Medicine

Can look up more studies, if you want?

Now, can you please tell me what bearing does it have on a child going by himself to the toilet?

DS has been going own his own to the gents in the last 6 months or so since he was 6. Why wouldn't he? Usually I am hovering outside. Jesus people what the hell do you think will happen? I can understand the anxious behavour of a mother of a 12 year old who is out with mates alone eg swimming or shopping centre but I am no more than 10 feet from him at the door and call out if he is taking too long. I have had an age appropriate talk with him about stranger danger and feel he is a sensible independent boy not a toddler that needs me every second of the day.

Most abuse of children happens within the home not in public toilets.

And as smokingaces says, I think you'll find cases of boys being sexually abused in public toilets very, very rare indeed.

If you were going by the statistics, you shouldn't leave your son alone with his uncle or grandfather. Ever.

totally agree winnybella we can not live in fear and then pass on that fear onto our children. I really think that this kind of attitude adds to the fuel that causes young men to feel bad about themselves hence the higher suicide rate

I took my younger brother till he was 7 and he started going to the boys alone. But even then there would be the odd occassions up until he was 9 when I would ask him to go to the ladies with me instead. This would mostly be when there was no one around and it was an unclean public toilet.

One weekday we went into the ladies at the local cinema when it was almost empty because the mens smelt disgusting. Two teenage girls around 13 saw him as he entered a cubicle and one made a snidey comment. I waited till they walked out the door so little bro wouldn't here and if they hadn't been little themselves I would have ripped them a new one for making him feel so ashamed. I told them how rude and disrespectful they were considering how young he was in comparison to them.

I know they were only teenagers but he was only 9, and he looked so ashamed

Thank you for your rational comments, backed up by primary references, winnybella!

I can't believe there are women on here who drag their 9 and 10 yo boys to the ladies'

I can't believe there are 9 and 10yr old boys who let their mother take them into the ladies! I also don't understand why I never see all these boys in the ladies and I don't. (I suspect most people use common sense)

I let my Ds go to the mens when he was about 7and a half - 8 yrs.

If it's in a pub or restaurant I let the boys go together without me - they are 7 and 8. TBH I am more concerned about them being silly/messing about than anything else. I understand people's concerns but I think it's better to educate them and teach them to handle themselves as they have to learn to be independent some day.

I do hover baout outside though and have been known to push the door open and call to them if they've been a while......