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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To call my EX and leave a bitchy voicemail?

79 replies

nonamesavalible · 29/03/2011 12:25

Actually probably but I don't care, my and H seperated a month ago and we have agreed he will have the DC's today at Midday, it is the first time he has seen them and promised me he wouldn't be late... but he is already 20 mins late, I have the DC's asking me where daddy is and I can hear the sadness in their voices and I don't know what to say.
I have tried calling him but his phone is switched off so I have left him a voicemail telling him that I think he is a twat and as useless as a father as is was a husband.
I had plans for the day but I have now got to cancel which isn't a big deal but I was looking forward to some me time.
So angry Angry but WIBU?

OP posts:
NorfolkNChance · 29/03/2011 12:27

Until you know why he is late (traffic etc) YAB a bit U.

If he is being a twunt then YANBU

altinkum · 29/03/2011 12:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BitOfFun · 29/03/2011 12:30

Twenty minutes is cutting it a bit fine if a delay so short causes you to change your plans. I think you are being a bit hasty at this point.

Original poster
nonamesavalible · 29/03/2011 12:31

He is walking only a ten minute walk away, he is late for everything (including work) always, but promised me he wouldn't be, I can put £50 on the fact he is infact still in bed.

OP posts:
2blessed2bstressed · 29/03/2011 12:32

Oh dear. I feel for you, but just hope you haven't been a bit previous.

NestaFiesta · 29/03/2011 12:32

Why hasn't he seen them for a month?

Being 20 minutes late isn't a reason to blow up YET- your kids will sense your fury for one thing and feel guilty about seeing someone you are angry with.

If he doesn't turn up at all or doesn't have a good reason, then tackle him privately when the kids are not around.

Voice of experience here- my Mum and Dad were always furious with each other during their divorce and it really messed with our heads as kids.

redfairy · 29/03/2011 12:33

YANBU...but perhaps you may have to get used to it. Initially after a split its easy to get caught up in every little infringement of your arrangements. In time you will find you care less about the odd 20mins here and there especially when you get bigger battles to fight Wink but I admit to see the kids' disappointment is always hard.

Mamaz0n · 29/03/2011 12:33

Well if he is collecting your children at midday on a tuesday i would imagine they are pre school age.

not quite sure how they would know what the time is without you telling them.

no need for there to be sadness in their voices, you simply say he isn't here yet.

He may well have bene caught in traffic/stuck on a call at work/ rocket landed on teh bonet of his car. you don't know.
whilst it must be frustrating to wait yes i do think yabu for leaving a message like that so soon.

What is the reason for him not seeing the children thus far?

worraliberty · 29/03/2011 12:36

Jesus at least find out why he's late before you go off on one.

Not good for the kids at all. You two really need to back off with the bitterness.

LeQueen · 29/03/2011 12:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dickiedavisthunderthighs · 29/03/2011 12:39

Anything could have happened. Your job is to reassure your DC's, not expose them to the shite of your breakup but it sounds like the only reason they know Daddy's late is because you've told them.
Get a grip.

Mamaz0n · 29/03/2011 12:41

exactly Lequeen.

All you have done by leaving that message is cause an atmosphere or row for when he does arrive.

you both need to grow up, out whatever issues you have from your marriage aside and put your children first.

It is only a month in and you will both of course still be stung by the marriage ending, but you need to start thinking of how your behaviour will effect he children. and yes i do mean yours as well as his.

poopnscoop · 29/03/2011 12:42

Whatever you DO say to your ex, do not say it in front of the kids, or let them hear you bad mouthing him, no matter what he does/doesn't do. Kids are not fooled.

Original poster
nonamesavalible · 29/03/2011 12:42

Right my DC's were told they were being picked up from preschool by their Daddy so thats how they know he isn't here, they weren't in the room when I made the call so don't even know it has happend, I told them daddy is running late but nothing negative, so can we stop making assumptions?

OP posts:
poopnscoop · 29/03/2011 12:42

And no... I would NOT leave a message at all. Just wait for him. Don't give him fuel.

worraliberty · 29/03/2011 12:44

So you went round to the pre school yourself when you realised he hadn't turned up to pick them up? Then dashed back here, settled the kids, took your coat off, made the bitchy phonecall and then started this thread all in 20 minutes? Confused

VinegarTits · 29/03/2011 12:45

if he is late for everything then why havent you taken this into account? 20 mins is not a huge delay and he might have a good reason, if not then only him missing out

nasty voicemail is a bit out of order at this point

Mamaz0n · 29/03/2011 12:46

you have made the assumptions about what he has been doing/not doing.

You asked for opinions and you got them.

You seem very angry and your Dc will pick up on this, they aren't silly. You need to calm down and get a bit of perspective.

LeQueen · 29/03/2011 12:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
nonamesavalible · 29/03/2011 12:48

yes my preschool is dead opposite my house, your point?

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 29/03/2011 12:49

Twenty mins for a child is like two hours, no one never has a good enough excuse for making a child late unless they die on their way.

Sorry, but children come first.

worraliberty · 29/03/2011 12:49

My point is that you are one hasty, quick tempered woman if you did all that in exactly 20 minutes Hmm

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 29/03/2011 12:52

I think you're getting a hard time here, OP. I can understand your anger. I don't think YABU to want to tear him one, I just think that you have to try and think long term. Why hasn't he seen the DC in a month if he lives ten minutes walk away?

LeQueen · 29/03/2011 12:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mamaz0n · 29/03/2011 12:52

Yes fabby, they should.

But there is no need to set the groundwork for an almighty argument on the first contact visit in a month.

Yes the H is at fault for being late, but leaving that message will just fuel a fire. there is no need for it. it could have been left until the end of the contact where a quiet word about letting the children down could be had.