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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To let DD14 have party in house while we're out?

128 replies

DrunkenDaisy · 28/03/2011 13:33

It's her birthday. She is, (raging hormones aside), a lovely, responsible girl. In a moment of weakness, I said she could have her friends over on Saturday night and me and DH would go out. This has now turned into a 'party'. She keeps refering to how excited she is about her 'party'.

As far as I know, just a handful of girls and boys will be coming over. But who knows what will happen. Am I mad? Your experiences please?

OP posts:

saggarmakersbottomknocker · 28/03/2011 16:04

Glad you've decided to supervise. I was about to post that you are mad as a box of frogs; your dd may well be lovely and responsible however it will go viral on facebook and you'll have a house full [bitter experience]

And blimey franc - I'm 47 and even when I was 14 a house party was an excuse to drink, smoke and erm snog.

I've just proved my age using snog haven't I?

I'll get me coat.

suzikettles · 28/03/2011 16:06

Good decision op.

I'm ashamed to say that I had a party in my parents' house when they were away when I was 17. Only invited people I knew....but someone put the word out (and that was pre Internet & mobile phones) and loads of people I didn't know turned up.

Eventually, I refused to let in some lads who'd obviously come from the local pub and I'd never set eyes on before. They pissed on the front step and then went round the back and broke a window. They'd also smashed a door by the time the police arrived.

And of course, the house was a state and that was just the result of too many teenagers rather than malicious damage.

God, it still makes me want to throw up and I'm sure some of my mum & dad's neighbours still disapprove of me, 20 years on...

IloveJudgeJudy · 28/03/2011 16:08

Good call, OP. I can remember my DBs having parties, but my parents were always upstairs and they had some big friends who were the doormen. Even then, at one party there was a bit of trouble, but luckily the gatecrashers went.

I wouldn't entertain it nowadays with Facebook, etc. When we had our parties at home we moved all the furniture into the garage, every flat surface was covered with plastic so that it wouldn't get marked with drink and the drink was outside in a tent. We did always provide food, too.

I've asked my DS if he wants one for his 16th/18th and he said I was mad, of course not, he's seen how people behave at house parties and it is up about 100 notches from when I was a teenager.

nomoreheels · 28/03/2011 16:24

Just had to add that we had a really annoying situation on Friday where our neighbour let her 15 year old son have an unsupervised party - again - and with shedloads of booze. We had large gangs of kids meeting up in front of our house screeching and drinking, then they moved onto the house for the party. They opened the french doors to the yard and the shouting/drinking spilled outside. Police turned up, things went a bit quieter for a bit but then escalated again. Later on some of the kids left the party and were hanging out in front of our house and in the park next door (cue yet even more shouting etc as they'd had quite a lot to drink by that point.)

I managed to get a few hours sleep but was woken by stragglers going into her yard at 6 AM and then leaving the house a few hours later, shouting and arsing around. Absolutely no respect for the neighbours... little turds.

So no, I don't think it's a great idea to have parties - not saying your DD will be quite like that of course, but glad you've decided to keep an eye on things! I 'm trying to spot the right moment to have words with the mum and not looking forward to it. This isn't the first time they've had a party like this.

Needanewname · 28/03/2011 16:26

The police won;t do anything abiout noise but did you try calling the council nomoreheels? If you look on line there should be something like the noise abatement, they should have been able to sort it out, but do check their opening hours as ours closes at 3am - great!

NorbertDentressangle · 28/03/2011 16:29

I was going to say that, having been to parties when I was 14, theres no way I would let my DC have a party at that age but I see you've suggested a sleepover for 3 friends now...phew!

Hope she takes the news OK

nomoreheels · 28/03/2011 16:44

Needanewname, the council is my next port of call if a stern chat doesn't help. It's really stressing me out - I am due in 2 months and I can foresee a spring and summer of regular parties and gatherings. They are a very social, noisy family - as soon as the sun shines the BBQ is out, all the windows and doors are wide open and the stereo is blaring. She is quite permissive too - allows unlimited friends round anytime, allows underage drinking, and generally doesn't seem to think it's a problem that her sons make lots of noise (she has another one who is a couple of years older, and not so wild at but still loud)

I can accept a different parenting style to some extent, but not when it's affecting our right to relax in our home so often.

They had a pre NYE party (on a Tuesday!) which I posted about at the time that was just as bad, they kept me up til 5 AM. I was not feeling good so I didn't confront at the time or in the days after. There have been other parties and lots of noise from the son's stereo in between then too.

I just hate that it's up to me to say something!

princessparty · 28/03/2011 16:49

A girl about 15 in our village had a party while her parents were out .She had a lovely house and there was £70k damage done which the insurance wouldn't pay for .

SoupDragon · 28/03/2011 17:15

SoupDragon · 28/03/2011 17:16

god, I would kill for the chance to go to a house party again!!

Francagoestohollywood · 28/03/2011 21:44

Mmmm perhaps I lead a sheltered life. I am 40, grew up in Italy. There wasn't much drinking among my friends when we were 14.
I understand things have sadly changed.

snice · 28/03/2011 21:48

I am in my 40s. I grew up in England. I spent most of my early teens clutching a bottle of Woodpecker cider and trying to get in to parties so that I could snog boys.

Happy days

wannaBe · 28/03/2011 22:06

tbh, there's no way I would allow my ds to go to an unsupervised party at someone else's house - not at fourteen. I would be worried about alcohol, drugs, sex... no no no no no no no no.

ForgetRegret · 28/03/2011 22:27

I'm appalled by the paranoia present in this thread. Last week my parents went on holiday (I'm 16) for four days (Friday to Monday) and left me in charge of the house, two dogs and cat. I asked and got permission for a party on the Friday night. As long as your daughter is not stupid enough to advertise on Facebook, and has picked friends who truly are friends it should be fine. My mother bought some bud for us and my friends brought drink. Admittedly we are in a slightly rural area so gate crashers are relatively unlikely. However I trust my friends (only about 17 of us) and I knew that, if it came to it, I held responsibility for clearing up any vomit etc. We had a great time, we acted like teenagers got 'merry' and yes, there was a little bit of mess. My mates stayed to clear up the rubbish in the morning (pizza boxes etc).
I would advise, if in a busier area, you ask neighbours to keep an eye out or get an older brother/cousin to hang around. However you've got to trust that you've brought your teenager up to choose the right sort of friends and be smart about how she advertises her party. But if you know you haven't then maybe you have another issue on your hands.
It just saddens me slightly when I see such distrust of young adults my age.

Maryz · 28/03/2011 22:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsSnow · 28/03/2011 22:34

Totally bonkers, even if she is perfectly respectable it doesn't mean that others won't take advantage of the situation or decide to gate crash.

If you are happy to risk your house being in a state of total disaster on return go ahead.

PeterAndreForPM · 28/03/2011 22:37

well FR, the glaring problem with your post is that she is 14 not 16

there is a big difference between a 14yo and a 16yo

however, I wouldn't let a 16 yo do it either, so there you go

< remembers being 14, and also 16, and resolve strengthens >

annielouisa · 28/03/2011 22:40

OP I think wise to scale down any party ideas to a sleepover as even if you are only a phonecall away alot of damage can be done before you get home to rescue the situation.

ForgetRegret · 28/03/2011 22:40

Okay, I will admit that perhaps 14 is too young. But I was mostly shocked by all the other comments on this thread (including yours) which give absolutely no credit to a teenagers making good decisions.

PeterAndreForPM · 28/03/2011 22:48

FR...if you read mine again I wasn't making a comment about all teenagers, and not even about the OP's teenager

I wouldn't expect a "sweet" 14 yo to be able to deal with/head off a hostile party takeover

btw, I was 14 once

and 16

and I know what happens at some teenager's parties

no way is it happening in my house

Maryz · 28/03/2011 22:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

maighdlin · 28/03/2011 22:50

i used to have loads of parties as a teenager. Only one went wrong and thats because of some dick head that turned up with a friend, he was the only one causing trouble and he broke the living room door off, but afterwards he was promptly kicked out and my mates screwed the door back in (badly i must add) My parties weren't exactly tame, but it was mostly a load of people getting drunk or stoned and listening to music and playing stupid games and pranks on each other. When i was 16 i had a party and and a load of us were playing strip poker in my bedroom and some one got my feather boa and tickled a guys back by surprise and the guy jumped and knocked over a pint of guiness all over my month old white fluffy carpet! i thought i cleaned it rather well until the next day, so i moved my computer desk over the stain. my mother only saw it when we moved house and i lied and said it was coke.

i have no idea why im telling you all this, just enjoying re living my youth......

(is going upstairs to convince DH of having another party.)

ledkr · 28/03/2011 22:52

why is a 16 yr old on mn at 10.4o pray tell> Troll?

PeterAndreForPM · 28/03/2011 22:53

led...the next few minutes may be illuminating

ForgetRegret · 28/03/2011 22:54

Sorry, I just assumed from "I wouldn't let a 16yo do it either" That, since you did not specify a target group of 16yo's, you were talking about all 16yo's.

However your houses, your decisions. You've gotta make a judgement called based on your own kid/area you live.

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