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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To let DD14 have party in house while we're out?

128 replies

DrunkenDaisy · 28/03/2011 13:33

It's her birthday. She is, (raging hormones aside), a lovely, responsible girl. In a moment of weakness, I said she could have her friends over on Saturday night and me and DH would go out. This has now turned into a 'party'. She keeps refering to how excited she is about her 'party'.

As far as I know, just a handful of girls and boys will be coming over. But who knows what will happen. Am I mad? Your experiences please?

OP posts:

Original poster

DrunkenDaisy · 28/03/2011 14:28

Ok, I'm cancelling the party. She can have 3 friends to sleep over instead and i'll be staying in.

Thanks everyone. We only moved into this house 4 month ago and i'd be gutted if anything happened to it.

OP posts:

lenak · 28/03/2011 14:29

I remember having a house party when I was about 15. My mom did hang around, although kept out of the way mainly upstairs. The police were called at one point because some idiot boys who hadn't been invited were trying to take stuff out of the shed (idiots because it was a small village and everyone knew who they were including the local policeman who turned up).

There was a fair bit of alcohol going around, but it was pretty tame really - it was however before the days of Facebook.

To be honest, I would echo the suggestions that you let it go ahead but stay upstairs or something.

Also, get a load of pizzas in. My mom gained massive respect from a load of my mates, particularly the slightly older boys from the next village who we'd only just started hanging around with, for cooking a shed load of pizza and feeding them all while they waited for their lifts home. Did my street cred the world of good

Fimbo · 28/03/2011 14:30

Besides the mess your house is going to get in to, please spare a thought for your neighbours. Not everyone wants to listen to a 14 year old's 'party'.

You have to take control of the situation.

MooMooFarm · 28/03/2011 14:32

Good call OP!

Your DD will thank you one day - maybe

tubeofcanesten · 28/03/2011 14:36

Fair enough, but it was cos you were worried about DD and not just the house right?

Mermaid2 · 28/03/2011 14:36

No way, have heard so many horror stories of strangers turning up and wrecking house. Its genuinely does happen and is not a fun experience.

Pixieonthemoor · 28/03/2011 14:36

Last year, there was a party at a large house near us. INvitations were sent out but it also appeared on facebook and then somehow was mentioned on local radio. The upshot of this was total mayhem, police called and thousands of pounds worth of damage. This was a hugely extreme case, of course, but a good example of things getting out of hand. Your daughter is lovely and also responsible but, as sure as eggs are eggs, some of her friends wont be. So if you dont want to find vomit in your deep freeze, DONT DO IT!!

frostyfingers · 28/03/2011 14:40

Upahill - my excuse is that I only have boys who aren't anywhere near as social as I assume girls are. Forgive my innocence!

upahill · 28/03/2011 14:44

Sorry Frosty if I came across abrupt. I've just re read it.
I only have sons too but they have so many mates especially the nearly 15 year old. I know the ones he used to go to primary with and he still mates with them but he has new ones from school who live in different parts of the town to us and they all meet up at the skate park or go to Costa for a coffee.

He talks about a lot of them in conversation but I'm always hearing new names that I haven't come across before.

He has loads of female friends as well - I can't keep up!!!

Francagoestohollywood · 28/03/2011 14:47

Wow, I am surprised at all the YABU on this thread.
In my days it was quite common to have 14 yr birthday parties at home, eating pop corns, drinking coke and dancing to duran duran or clash if feeling rebellious . BUT, I suppose that 14 yrs old are different nowadays...

I'd probably hang around then.

corlan · 28/03/2011 14:51

I would stay the whole time - a lot can happen in a hour.
Why do you have to negotiate with her? It's your house, she should be grateful you're letting her have a party at all!

tubeofcanesten · 28/03/2011 14:51

OMG how old are you FRANC - you outa touch just a little bit

Sassybeast · 28/03/2011 14:52

I think you've done the right thing - it's scary how these things get out of hand with bloody FB etc - neigbours daughter had a party (unbeknown to her parents) and the police had to be called - they've had to replace carpets because of vomit and the bedrooms were ransacked. it's crap because my neighbours kids ARE lovely girls but they couldn't keep people out.

upahill · 28/03/2011 14:53

I'm guessing FRANC is mid 40's judgeing by the MN name and name checking Duran Duran!! Am I right?

Bonsoir · 28/03/2011 15:00

LOL Franca . When exactly would I have honed my snogging techniques if not on a lumpy mattress on the floor at teenage basement house parties?

pigletmania · 28/03/2011 15:02

You are absolutely mad, reap what you sow

PeterAndreForPM · 28/03/2011 15:05

just caught this thread

good decision you made there

your dd may be a sweet girl, but I bet the baying mob that will descend on your house are not !

lemonmousse · 28/03/2011 15:09

My friend's DD had a party for her 15th birthday - about 15 kids invited (girls and boys).
Friend and her DH stayed in the house until everyone had arrived - they then drove to a local restauarant for a meal (they had to drive as they had removed all traces of alcohol from their house and hidden it in the boot of their car ).
They went to a local takeaway to buy pizzas for their DD and her friends (a good excuse to return for a check).
Then they popped to the pub for an hour with a couple of neighbours on red alert to text if it got too noisy or there was any trouble.
My friend also had one of those tacky cocktail fountains which she tipped a couple of alcopops into with about 3 gallons of lemonade.
It all went without a hitch due to them laying down the ground rules and planning well ahead for all eventualities.

I have to say that her DD is a very sensible girl and has a 'nice' group of friends - sensible enough not to brag about it on Facebook and always respectful to her parents unlike my lot who I wouldn't trust as far as I could throw them

Waltons · 28/03/2011 15:15

FRANC just lived a quiet life! I am older than him/her - deinitely pre-Duran Duran - and I had a party at age 14 when my parents went off on holiday for a week. (Considered quite acceptable in those days as long as a neighbour was around to keep an eye.)

Invited 20 people but "someone talked" and over 100 turned up. Total mayhem - people having sex all round the garden, in the bedrooms, drink and drugs everywhere. Some guy I'd never met turned up with 2 dozen pre-opened bottles of beer, each one had a tab of amphetamine neatly inserted in it, but we managed to pour all but one of them down the sink before they did any damage. Some older boys threw him out. The one victim of the amphetamines was climbing the walls until 10am the next day when he promptly fell asleep in corner and stayed that way for over 24 hours.

The house was a total swill - conservatory 2 inches deep in beer, someone threw up in the lounge, fag burns on every carpet. A neighbour called the police at 2am because of the noise. It took me the whole week to clear up the mess and about twenty years to live it down with my parents. Even now they occasionally drag it up to amuse my kids.

Does anything here give you a clue that you have made the right decision, OP?

ConfessionsOfAnAchingFanjo · 28/03/2011 15:30

Am so so pleased you've decided to scale your DD's 'party' back to a supervised sleep over.

A few months back our neighbours left their oldest (15 or 16yr old) DD home alone with a few of her friends. We called noise control after one of her drunken friends pissed in our garden (and announced it at the top of her lungs) and another one broke a bottle in the same garden. This on top of the general loud music and drunken shouting talking in their back garden (we're in a terrace house, so not much space out there).

Needless to say we were not happy.

You've made the right choice, well done

Aworryingtrend · 28/03/2011 15:35

YANBU to have scaled back plans for the party. YABU to be more concerned about your house than your daughter's welfare.

Desperateforthinnerthighs · 28/03/2011 15:43

Good call.

My sis had a party when mum and dad went away years and years ago...think she was about the same age, maybe a tiny bit older.

The house was trashed!

SylvanianFamily · 28/03/2011 15:56

Do you have the resources to hire someone to help (thinly veiled as 'entertainment'). So someone adult and responsible but not related that stays on premises at all times. Like www.emporium-parties.co.uk/hollywood_teen.htm , which seems like they'll do a makeover and then some dance moves for up to 10 kids. You could probably arrange for any reasonably cool late teen/early twentysomething to do similar. Then you'd have your own person 'onsite' to act as bouncer/early intervention, without obviously chaperoning.

ledkr · 28/03/2011 15:58

i let ds do this hmmm never again,he is 27 now and his mates still lovingly recall me catching them and throwing them all out on the end of my boot >

TheOriginalNutcracker · 28/03/2011 16:00

My dd is 13 and there is no way on earth I would do this.

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