Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let DD14 have party in house while we're out?

128 replies

DrunkenDaisy · 28/03/2011 13:33

It's her birthday. She is, (raging hormones aside), a lovely, responsible girl. In a moment of weakness, I said she could have her friends over on Saturday night and me and DH would go out. This has now turned into a 'party'. She keeps refering to how excited she is about her 'party'.

As far as I know, just a handful of girls and boys will be coming over. But who knows what will happen. Am I mad? Your experiences please?

OP posts:
MooMooFarm · 28/03/2011 13:45

You are mad! This can go wrong in soooooooo many ways. However sensible your DD is, she can't possibly control whoever else may turn up.

I would definitely stay on the premises - I would promise to stay upstairs and not show my face - unless you see or hear something which forces you to do otherwise.

Purplebuns · 28/03/2011 13:46

You know what it might be entirely fine. I had parties at her age and went to parties (we even had wine on a couple of occaisons)
Make sure you know exactly who is going to be there. Check in regularly and have a set time they know you are going to be back so they can do some panic cleaning. Also, alert neighbours so that they can ring you if it gets a bit loud .etc I doubt they are going to be raving until 3am!

shesparkles · 28/03/2011 13:46

not unreasonable-just barking mad Grin

said the mother of the almost 14 year old dd

LucretiaInShadows · 28/03/2011 13:47

It depends who's coming and how well you know them. If she can name every invitee, it's only a few, and you know at least the names if not the kids themselves, and she's a lovely, responsible girl, you're probably fine to go out for dinner. You're coming home, so she knows there's no time for sorting out disasters, they've just got to behave. If they have a beer each, it's not the end of the world.

If she's even a bit cagey about who's coming, defensive at the mention of alcohol, or in any other way sets off your bad plan radar, then you might need to think about a change of plan.

As with so many things, talking to her has got to be the best way forward.

mumblechum1 · 28/03/2011 13:47

I'd let her have a party, limit it to 30, but stay upstairs. In fact, rig up a tripwire attached to a bell so you know if anyone's straying into bedroom territory!

Finger · 28/03/2011 13:48

Just think of all those spotty teenage boys raking through your knicker drawer

dirgeinvegas · 28/03/2011 13:49

My dad allowed me to do this when I was 16. I was also very responsible but people were drinking and smoking in my parents house, beer was poured on the carpet and then strangers turned up. It was a nightmare. I found one of my friends having sex in my parents bed.

Considering it was my party, I absolutely hated it. I just stressed about tidying up, the people in my parents bed, strangers in our house and people trying to put cigarettes out on the carpet.

I had to get a neighbour to throw everyone out in the end and spent the evening tidying up. Never again.

MooMooFarm · 28/03/2011 13:49

BTW I was considered a well-behaved teen but can remember getting up to some very bad things at parties at that age Blush I blame it on the Woodpecker Cider Grin

seoraemaeul · 28/03/2011 13:51

If you really dont want to cancel - what about a favourite aunt/cousin/friend - who could discretely be in the house? I have done this for my neice, I chilled out in the bedroom and occassionally popped down to glower at spotty little oiks grab a glass of water

TheSecondComing · 28/03/2011 13:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

upahill · 28/03/2011 13:52

It will be a long cold day in hell before I would even consider letting my teenager have a party in my house.
If he wants a party I would gladly hire the village hall, a social club anywhere but not my house EVER!!

I don't mind him having friends in the house and he sometimes has two in while we are across the road having a drink and they sleep over. HJowever that is often done on the spur of the moment as in 'mum is it ok if ........sleeps tonight?' rather than things being arranged and word getting out from one mate to another so you don't know whose who.

Sn0wflake · 28/03/2011 13:52

I think it's a very bad idea. What if older kids gatecrash.....could be a nightmare. I'd stay in if I were you. Also are the other parents OK with this unsupervised party....do they know? You should find out.

NinkyNonker · 28/03/2011 13:55

Order a take away and closet yourselves away upstairs or in the car or something if necessary.

Original poster
DrunkenDaisy · 28/03/2011 13:55

Oh god. I'm now worrying about my cat. She's very precious to me.

OP posts:
orangeeyebrows · 28/03/2011 14:12

It depends who's coming and how well you know them. If she can name every invitee,

and those who the friends have invited and their friends, and the open invitation on FB ......

mumblechum1 · 28/03/2011 14:12

My ds went to a party last year when the friends' parents were abroad. Six adult men came, started removing the TV, PC etc etc. DS and his mate tried to stop them and were quite badly beaten up, ie paramedics had to re-locate DS's jaw etc.

As these men were leaving they broke 7 windows in the house and took a tire iron to the dad's Aston Martin.

Sorry but even though I do sometimes feel tempted to let ds have a house party, I remember that it'll only be 2.5 years till he's at Uni and he can have as many parties as he likes in his digs.

Original poster
DrunkenDaisy · 28/03/2011 14:15

Good point.

OP posts:
BlueCat2010 · 28/03/2011 14:18

Can you rearrange the location to a village hall or something similar - you can then use the excuse that it would allow her to have more of her friends to come, and not let on it's because you afraid your house would get trashed.

waterrat · 28/03/2011 14:19

daisy - I'll just add my perspective, as when I was 14 I had a party while my mum was away - without her permission I should add which of course makes it worse! It got totally out of control and someone stole my mums wedding ring along with a lot of her jewellery - there is simply no way a teenager can control who turns up - and I remember being at parties myself where we were not welcome but we didn't care, kids get drunk and are very boisterous in gangs - also, even nicely brought up kids (which was me and my friends) can behave appallingly when out in groups.

I remember a friend and me aged about 14/15 sitting on the stairs at a house party - we didn't even know the people whose house it was - and stubbing a ciggerete out on every carpeted stair.....shameful I know....but we really didnt give a shit! we were pissed on cider - I think I can dredge up a memory that we were actually drinking cider out of a bowl with straws because we heard it got you more pissed

no, no and no is my advice. and btw...that party I had was before facebook as Im 33 now! I cant even imagine how much worse it would be now. basically - be there upstairs or be next door - thats as far as I would go

Supermoo · 28/03/2011 14:20

To be fair, my friends and I used to have parties at that age without supervision and we were fine. Of coursse this was a before facebook, but our idea of a 'party' at 14 was a little tamer than at 16! You know your daughter and her close friends I guess? You need to do a serious reading of the riot act to all of them beforehand, go for your meal and come back within a few hours. Make sure your daughter knows that if it goes tits up she can call you, you will not be mad at her - or at least not as mad at her as you would be if she didn't call. I think sitting outside with a book is a bit nutty, and changing your mind now would be mean unless you have really good reason to. That said, you should know there will likely be some debauchery going on, but that would be happening in the park anyway!

frostyfingers · 28/03/2011 14:20

Can you get a list of who is coming - do you know many of her friends, perhaps you could negotiate by saying yes you can have a party but only so many people. And warn her that you will be dropping in at an unspecified time.....

upahill · 28/03/2011 14:21

I wouldn't even bother pussyfooting about the house getting trashed. I would spell out why I was moving it to somewhere else and make it clear that I trust DD and the friends that I know but I don't know anyone else.

Why mess about with words?

nitnatnaboo · 28/03/2011 14:23

Aagh! Don't do it!

My parents were going to do this when I was 14 (in the 80's) as I too would have been described as a paragon of sensible-ness at the time!

When they saw the stream of kids coming down the road, they changed their minds and stayed in! Good thing they did. They were a bit shell shocked the next day about the level of drunkenness and snogging kids on the stairs etc. seem to remember I spent an hour or two hosing vomit from around the garden and keeping a low profile!

upahill · 28/03/2011 14:23

frostyfinges a list means mothing.

Like I said before all it takes is anyone of them to mention where they are going that night and that the 'rents as we are called these days aren't going to be in and you have an instant disaster in the making.

As for saying that the parents will be dropping in at some point so what?

Village hall (or similar) or nothing for a party IMO

tubeofcanesten · 28/03/2011 14:26

Mental - they will have sex everywhere and they will drink and throw up dotn care how great your DD is, all the others arent. Trust me whatever you think they get up to it is that times 10 and stuff you havnt thought of NO WAY YOU MAD