Thick skinned 'friend' Aaaarrrrrghhhhhhh!!!

[LeaveMyLegsAlone]

I am trying to phase someone out. She will NOT take the hint. Why are people like this. If you know someone is letting you down gently why would you keep pushing and pushing for contact.

She is a complete PITA. I've avoided meeting up with her for weeks. Loads of polite excuses. She seems to be prepared to wait FOREVER
If I sense someone gives me two or three fob-offs in a row, I take the fcuking hint and back the hell off! Everyone knows how it works.

What am I going to do.....why the hell will is she putting us both through this?
She is so persistant.

Does she want a big showdown or what?

I like - "Your affair really puts me in an awkward postion.."

It seems like your friend is reacting passive-aggressively to your behaviour, which is itself passive-aggressive. While her affair etc is not reasonable, she is only acting towards you the way you are acting towards her: dancing around the situation instead of handling it. One of you is going to have to be frank, and since you "started it" it's going to have to be you.

I would find it very difficult to walk away from someone with the issues that this woman has. Obviously I am in a minority hmm

@Marmalade.

My reading is top notch, thanks. Your posts read as though your vitriol is directed at both annoyingdevil and OP.

Perhaps you should learn to fucking well WRITE properly, instead of accusing people of jumping on passing bandwagons.

"Your posts read as though your vitriol is directed at both annoyingdevil and OP"

No, it really doesn't, does it?

I said "So you have a friend who is being abused by her husband and has MH issues but you shun her?"

DIRECTLY UNDERNEATH a poster who has said she is abandoning her friend who is a victim of domestic abuse. You replied to me about THAT post. Seriously, take the stick out of your backside. You made a mistake, we alldo it. :)

Where's my bandwagon ?; they sound fun.

*?

Except I didn't reply to you about that post- my reply was to the post as quoted above. 'why would you assume I have no experience of people with BPD...I would find it very difficult to walk away from someone with the issues that this woman has'...etc, etc.

Go back and read your posts.

We do all make mistakes, and when I do I'll happily admit it.

In the interim, I'm content to keep that stick up my arse, thanks.

BUT in the very first place...

You're right. You are. You can have this one on me. There you go. Pat yourself on the back.

Why thank you, Marmalade. It's official- you're a bigger person than me!

Baggy I think Marmalade's posts were aimed at me. However, if she'd actually read them properly she would realise that I am not actually shunning my 'friend' with BPD.

And as much as this friend has been a victim of domestic abuse, (not now, I might add) she is abusive and controlling herself, which is why she has no friends (except for me)

Obviously, 'saint' Marmalade would be happy to step in and befriend her if necessary

Does fairweather friend mean anything to you?

I must be very lucky that my friends didn't ditch me when I was having MH problems...

And it your intial post you said she is a victim of domestic abuse, not was a victim.

This thread can go and swivel, anyhow. It's too full of people re-writing posts as it suits and too full of bitches.

Annoyingdevil- yeah, I think she was mouthing off at you both tbh.

Having been in this situation myself with a BPD sister who I no longer have contact with, I totally appreciate where you and OP are coming from.

BPD is not a simple MH issue as Marmalade seems to be implying, and of course if a real friend was suffering depression or something similar, then the last thing I would do is ditch them.

However, I know only too well that the nature of BPD makes a relationship with the 'sufferer' incredibly difficult to maintain, as personal boundaries are stamped all over.

I also know enough about the condition to know that by allowing the BPD person to carry on bulldozering over your boundaries & feelings, you are not helping them- you are enabling them.

Baggypussy - yes you're right about the difficulties trying to maintain a relationship with someone with BPD. I have had a similar experience myself. They don't respect boundaries and do drain you dry. It's a VERY crazymaking situation and for your own sanity sometimes you've got to get some distance.

Animation- yes, 'crazymaking' is exactly how I'd describe it.