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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I or not Not comfortable with DH giving this girl a lift to work

83 replies

Ray81 · 26/03/2011 09:36

That says it all realy, its not every day just a saturday when they do over time, but he has to go well out of his way to collect her and she doesnt give him petrol money she buys him breakfast. Now this week i have just started a new job at the same place he works, so 3 times a week i am there i thought this would make me feel abit better about it as i would KNOW her ifswim but she has completely ignored me and pretty much looked down her nose at me all the days i have been in. This wasnt me being paranoid everyone else has been so nice. Now if the shoe was on the other foot and someones husband was giving me a lift to work i would be nice to her, or at least make some effort as i wouldnt want her to worry about it ifswim.

I am being unreasoanble arent i please tell me i am.

OP posts:

TotorosOcarina · 26/03/2011 09:38

Sounds like she doesn't like you being there!

Goblinchild · 26/03/2011 09:38

You sound deeply insecure.
It probably hasn't occurred to her that there is anything to worry about, she obviously trusts him not to try anything when she's alone and dependent on him.
You need to talk to your DH about how you feel.

BelleDameSansMerci · 26/03/2011 09:40

I agree with Goblinchild.

If you liked her/felt she was making an effort would you feel differently about it?

FourFortyFour · 26/03/2011 09:43

If you trusted your husband you would feel differently and she wouldn't feature much on your radar. Do you trust him?

vaginiasmonalogue · 26/03/2011 09:44

I would probably feel the same as you tbh. Don't you talk to DH about it though?? What does he say?

clam · 26/03/2011 09:45

Actually, I don't think YABU. Your feelings and intuition are your own - don't ignore or belittle them. Watch and wait.

Or talk to him? Is there a history here?

gorionine · 26/03/2011 09:50

Does she know you are his wife or aree you for her just another person that started to work there?

Original poster

Ray81 · 26/03/2011 10:39

Hi yes she does know that i am his wife, everyone knows tbh as i worked there before for 8 yrs.

I havent told DH how i feel as i dont want to come across as the jealous wife. I do trust him to certain point, but last yr we had some issues with fake face book accounts, msn and porn so that is still fresh in my mind.

Ps i am insecure and always have been tbh

OP posts:

ZZZenAgain · 26/03/2011 10:41

well if it is a place where people usually talk to each other and your dh drives to work with her once a week, going out of his way to do so, I think it is peculiar that she is ignoring you and as you say looking down her nose at you.

What can you do about it? Any ideas on how to proceed?

TheSecondComing · 26/03/2011 10:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Goblinchild · 26/03/2011 10:46

Tell her he likes porn and you don't trust him.
See if she still wants to get in a car with him on her own.

Animation · 26/03/2011 10:46

I think she IS being rude to you - and something doesn't feel right.

Buying him breakfast? !!

TidyDancer · 26/03/2011 10:47

In what way has she been looking down her nose at you? The ignoring shouldn't be an issue as such, because that can come out of someone being shy (I know it would with me).

From the sound of things, you don't have anything to really worry about, although what happened last year does put a slightly different spin on it.

Talk to DH about this. If there's anything to be concerned about at this stage, you should see it in his reaction.

meditrina · 26/03/2011 10:52

If it was my DD, I'd be offering to pay petrol money. Could you talk to her parents? How old is the girl? Even quite large teenagers may not be feel safe if the journey otherwise would be awkward or at unsocial hours.

spidookly · 26/03/2011 10:53

I wouldn't be happy for family money to be spent on petrol to give someone a lift who couldn't even be civil to me.

I also agree with clam that your feelings and intuitions are your own and you shouldn't ignore them.

Fake facebook accounts sounds quite duplicitous. I'm not surprised you don't trust him.

Sweetpea215 · 26/03/2011 10:53

I don't think you sound irrationally insecure, but then I am a newbie so don't know of any histories.

I would have a chat to your husband about this, tell him how you feel about the situation...and how you have found her behaviour towards you at work.

He should be taking your feelings into account...

Why are you working at the same workplace though? Is it because you suspect that there is something going on?

ZZZenAgain · 26/03/2011 10:54

could you drop them both off one Saturday, saying you need the car afterwards and check it out?

You can also ask what the deal is with petrol money. Why not? It is a valid question

BluddyMoFo · 26/03/2011 10:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Animation · 26/03/2011 10:55

When you say "girl" - you mean a girl do you?

Aw.

Junebugjr · 26/03/2011 11:00

I wouldn't be bothered about the lift. I would be putting my foot down about family money being used for petrol to pick some random up. Can't say I'd be remotely bothered about porn, but fake fb accounts sound very dodgy.

Northernlurker · 26/03/2011 11:00

Yes you are being paranoid and insecure. It is possible for men and women to exist in the same place without shaggeryfuckery going on.With regard to the workplace thing - she doesn't know you and was probably focusing on her own job. Maybe she isn't a nice courteous person either - still doesn't mean she is shagging your husband!

BornAgainDomesticGoddess · 26/03/2011 11:01

You need to introduce yourself. Maybe that's what she's waiting for?

LittleMissHissyFit · 26/03/2011 11:01

If she is being nasty/rude/offish to you, that is not at all nice and of course you are going to wonder about why she is being that way.

You could ASK her????? not sure it'd be doable, but if it's that noticeable you could say, Have I done something to offend you? and when she says NO, you can say, Oh it's just that your behaviour is coming across as very rude, and I don't understand what the problem could be. But I know that might be hard to do. Very confrontational.

Now, you have the history of fake FB accounts and porn etc. You have every reason therefore to be suspicious. He has a history of deception, and he has to understand as a result, he has to be truly transparent and amenable to your requests. If you don't like this lift arrangement, tbh, you are well within your rights to put a stop to it, especially as she is being so offish to you.

Tell your DH that the lifts must stop. Cite the trouble you had last year and the girls rudeness to you.

The 2 things together are more than sufficient for anyone to say Enough is Enough. His behaviour still has to be beyond question for you to get over the FB thing.

You keeping your bonkers family in check still?

Animation · 26/03/2011 11:05

Doesn't seem like paranoia and insecurity to me if the evidence is there that he has a history of deception and serious prankishness.

TheSecondComing · 26/03/2011 11:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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