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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I or not Not comfortable with DH giving this girl a lift to work

83 replies

Ray81 · 26/03/2011 09:36

That says it all realy, its not every day just a saturday when they do over time, but he has to go well out of his way to collect her and she doesnt give him petrol money she buys him breakfast. Now this week i have just started a new job at the same place he works, so 3 times a week i am there i thought this would make me feel abit better about it as i would KNOW her ifswim but she has completely ignored me and pretty much looked down her nose at me all the days i have been in. This wasnt me being paranoid everyone else has been so nice. Now if the shoe was on the other foot and someones husband was giving me a lift to work i would be nice to her, or at least make some effort as i wouldnt want her to worry about it ifswim.

I am being unreasoanble arent i please tell me i am.

OP posts:

Original poster

Ray81 · 26/03/2011 11:06

Hi when i say girl i mean Woman sorry she is 28 i think.

She doesnt give him petrol money she just buys him breakfast and that is one of my issues as it is costing abit in petrol and she is earning overtime money at our expense ifswim.

Bluddymofo no she doesnt look like a porn star tbh.

I dont think they are having a shag on the way to work but i know how these things develope, friends talking about their lifes and then feelings become involved etc and also after all the fake facebook stuff which he admitted was about attention i worry that something could develop if she is giving him attention unwittingly or not.

We work at the same place as i worked there before got made redundant and have reapplied for a different job so we are back to working together again. Thats where we met through work, were friends first and it led on from there.

I do think i am being paranoid to a certain extent but also i dont like that she ignores me when our money is going towards her getting more money. you would think she would at least talk to me. Also they seem to go out of their way NOT to speak to each other at work which seems alittle odd as he gives her a lift so they must talk ifswim. But then again i think thats me being paranoid again.

OP posts:

nickschick · 26/03/2011 11:07

I think you are reading a little too much into it ....hes driving her to work shes buying him breakfast to say thanks its Saturdays mornings not every day - I think you should have said to her 'hi im xxxx ,xxxx wife' - she is no threat to you,youre his wife,you have a home/car/children together -you work at the same place .....dont build her into a threat she really isnt.

Work on the issues that make you insecure dont put them on her head.

beesimo · 26/03/2011 11:11

Afraid OPs DH seems to be a 'hard dog to keep in the yard'

Therefore he needs to be kept on a short chain unless you want to risk him chasing the lambs.

Animation · 26/03/2011 11:12

Beesimo - I agree.

FlorenceCalamityandJoanofArc · 26/03/2011 11:12

I hate the way women blame other women in these things. Its your DH that has a history of whatever you mean by FB and porn, nothing to do with her.

LittleMissHissyFit · 26/03/2011 11:13

Is your instinct telling you there is more to this?

Act upon it.

Why not go with him for the breakfasts? Go with him for the lifts....

Or just insist that it's not economically viable to go out of his way so she can earn overtime.

Cook him a breakfast at home on those days.

ZZZenAgain · 26/03/2011 11:13

does she speak to anyone at work? She doesn't speak to dh and she doesn't speak to you. Is she everyone else's great friend at work or just morosely silent?

Original poster

Ray81 · 26/03/2011 11:14

nickschick you are right i should deal with my issues, from what DH has said about her she sounds like she is a nice person, so yes monday morning i will introduce myself, if she is shy this might be why she hasnt spoken to me.

Need to stop feeling so paranoid because tbh i hate the feeling and i was fine before all the business last yr so it is his bloody fault i feel this way. git.

OP posts:

spidookly · 26/03/2011 11:14

Unless he buys breakfast out every day, her buying him breakfast isn't really paying him back.

Someone on these threads always feels the need to point out that it's possible for men and women to not have sex, as though that means that it's impossible that they might.

Logic tip: just because some men and women are not shagging, that doesn't mean that no men and women are shagging.

Either way, I wouldn't be remotely concerned or jealous about this but I would have a problem with her rudeness to me and that would be the end of her lifts.

BestNameEver · 26/03/2011 11:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nickschick · 26/03/2011 11:15

It is his fault I agree .....sort him out .

I could only answer so honeslty cos ive been there too.

Original poster

Ray81 · 26/03/2011 11:18

she does speak to others at work.

I am not blaming her for anything what i am saying is it seems stange that as my DH is giving her a lift to work she hasnt spoken to me which worries me as to why. but then again it could be because i ahvent spoken to her so will do on monday.

Don get me wrong DH has never cheated as far as i know, as in physicaly speaking but he was speaking to women on the internet and got a buzz from that He doesnt do that anymore he knew how much it devastasted me and has not that since. so almosta yr now. Our relationship is alot better since all of that its just these issues i have and will admitt they are my issues that i have to address

OP posts:

PonceyMcPonce · 26/03/2011 11:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

purplebrickroad · 26/03/2011 11:22

There is something about this sort of car journey. I was 'the girl' in a similar situation and the driver (married, to someone I knew) decided he was in love with me. Very awkward, very embarassing and I don't see either of them anymore. Talk to your husband about your fears. yanbu

Original poster

Ray81 · 26/03/2011 11:23

bestnameever, you kind of out into words how i am feeling tbh. He has form, he going out of HIS way to get her no petrol money, she blanks me at work and they dont speak to each other either.

I am tempted to got someone to have the kids over the next couple of weeks so i ca go and do some over time too. it would be interesting to see if she speaks to me when i am in the car.

OP posts:

Animation · 26/03/2011 11:23

You sorted out the internet episode, but does he still have a low boredom theshold - looking for intrigues?

I think she might be better off getting the bus.

purplebrickroad · 26/03/2011 11:26

Not that either of them have bad intentions. It just might happen, and hurt people.

Original poster

Ray81 · 26/03/2011 11:37

Purplebrickroad- again thats alittle bit how i feel they may not MEAN for anything to happen but it may and lots of people would get hurt.

OP posts:

nickschick · 26/03/2011 11:38

What can they actually do on that journey to work??.

TheSecondComing · 26/03/2011 11:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

spidookly · 26/03/2011 11:40

Spend time just the two of them, get to know each other better, share intimacies, kiss, fall in love...

nickschick · 26/03/2011 11:43

Ok im naive.

TSC and spid my H will not be allowed to drive you 2 to work .

TheSecondComing · 26/03/2011 11:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

spidookly · 26/03/2011 11:49

But it is the girl in work's fault that she is blanking the wife of a colleague who does her favours. That is rude, no way around it.

spidookly · 26/03/2011 11:50

nickschick best not, I am extremely seductive on my morning commute :o

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