Am I or not Not comfortable with DH giving this girl a lift to work

[Ray81]

That says it all realy, its not every day just a saturday when they do over time, but he has to go well out of his way to collect her and she doesnt give him petrol money she buys him breakfast. Now this week i have just started a new job at the same place he works, so 3 times a week i am there i thought this would make me feel abit better about it as i would KNOW her ifswim but she has completely ignored me and pretty much looked down her nose at me all the days i have been in. This wasnt me being paranoid everyone else has been so nice. Now if the shoe was on the other foot and someones husband was giving me a lift to work i would be nice to her, or at least make some effort as i wouldnt want her to worry about it ifswim.

I am being unreasoanble arent i please tell me i am.

For what it is worth I would be worried too. But what I really want to ask is why you keep saying "ifswim"! I am fairly new and just cant work it out!

I will keep my eyes and ears open and if there is something going on i will find out. I think i am going to start doing some over time on saturday as that will mean i will be going in with them or i suspect him as i am almost positive that she will cancel going in if i am going to be there. If that happens then i will know for definate that something is going on

Mumsiepie it is 'if you see what i mean'

Good luck ray.

I hope it isn't what it seems

Is she being picked up on the days that your working ?
Now that your working there if theres something going on i think youll soon spot it . I think i would front it out next time she snubs you , something along the lines of " I find it rude that your snubbing me , particular as you get brought to work in my car that i pay for using the petrol that i pay for. Is there some sort of problem ? ".

She,ll probably say no and id inform her that good , your glad , the free lifts are over by the way . And id tell him point blank your not comfortable with him picking up some rude woman who snubs you , and considering his past behaviour , hes being a bit ridiculous epecting you to be ok with it.

I think its perfectly ok to put some boundarys in place to protect your marriage , ideally he should be doing this himself , but hes clearly not . He must realise you feel uncomfortable about this , youve questioned him about it and instead of being open hes being deliberateley evasive . You dont have to wait until youve got evidence , its ok to say " im not comfortable and i want it to stop " . Its ok to also ask to see these emails about lifts , and if he doesnt show you in order to reassure you , theres your answer im afraid .

I hope your wrong , but im a big beleiver in listening to your gut .

I wouldn't be worried by this arrangement were it not that:

1. He has form and, as was so beautifully put before, appears to be "a hard dog to keep in the yard".

1. Is going well out of his way to give his colleague a lift to work and,

1. She can get to work without needing this lift from him.

1. She pays nothing towards this journey and doesn't seem to realise that this isn't an appropriate way to contribute towards a car sharing arrangement.

PS. I do hate to be pedantic but what you actually mean, OP, is "IYSWIM". The acronym then makes some sort of sense. IYSWIM.

IYSWIM makes sense now!!

Gloria and those are the exact reasons i am worried/concerned/suspious.
Thanks re the IYSWIM have been typing incorrectly.

Diginfied- thanks for your advise it realy helps i will see what happens when i confront her and go from there i think.

Hmm. I would also be concerned by this but mostly because he wasn't up front with you about the arrangement in the beginning. Why wait to be questioned?

However! Maybe he is cagey because given your history he doesnt want to give you pointless alarm and thinks you may react from insecurity.

But I don't think you sound at all insecure. Just realistic. I would definitely join them on the next couple of journeys, talk about family things all the way, ask for a petrol contribution and question her in an oh so friendly manner about her love life.

I agree it's not exactly her fault but it sounds like HE might need a reminder that real life has a habit of intruding on fantasy life.