In being bored senseless with being a SAHM

[cazza40]

I have been at home with my 2 kids now for the last 3 years - before this I worked 4 days a week. I stopped working as I was exhausted - I worked a 6 day week in 4 days (!) and did everything at home too and by the time I had paid for childcare was hardly making any money at all.

The first few years were fine as I was renovating our house , had the 2 young kids to look after. Now both are at school and I am insanely bored with how mundane my life is. Does anyone else feel like this or AIBU ?

I'd suggest - going back to work, volunteering at the school or finding a new working pattern.

(Then come join all the others of us who moan about too much to do!)

No. I love being at home and will never go back to work.

But if you don't like it why don't you go back to work or do some voluntary work? Not everyone enjoys the same things.

YANBU, it's not for everyone, it certainly wasn't for me.

Agree with bluddy - not surprised you're bored - get back to earning and spending !!

I do voluntary work helping out at the school and I do some contract work too but by and large I am a SAHM

Just fed up with how mundane things can be , am sure (hope) it will pass though

Wish I felt like you Pagwatch !

I'd say go back to work too but why on earth were you doing everything yourself? If you have a partner that is completely unacceptable. You need to get that sorted before you can even contemplate going back to work.

YANBU.

If and when I am in your position (I'm a SAHM as well) with children at school, I would look at doing one of three choices.

Going back to work, which tbh I don't think I could go back to doing what I was before, which leads onto option 2-
Re-training in something I REALLY wanted to do or
Taking up a hobby

When it comes to it, I'm definitely going to be retraining.

Bein a SAHM now is great for me because mine are only 23 months and 6 months but when they are older and doing their own things I can imagine myself getting extremely bored.

YANBU, being a SAHM does not suit all mums, it didn't suit me. I was home until youngest was 3, went back to work last October and I Love it! I only do 3 days a week, it's a job share with a good friend, she also does 3 days so we have 1 day when we're both in and can get loads done as well as catch up over coffee. My workload is demanding for those 3 days but having 4 days at home is a great balance.

I was starting to lose my mind and personality at home.

My own mum was a SAHM for all our childhood, I take my hat off to her, I don't know how she did it.

LisaD1 that sounds great. I think I definitely need to look at getting a job. My only worry is that my DH will be even more lazy at home as since I have stopped working his career has really taken off which means he does even less around the house !

Well you want to jump on that pronto. Or if his career has taken off, get a cleaner. Housework isn't the automatic domain of the person in the house with a vagina.

I am always stunned by how many working women also do all the housework.

It's less the cleaning / cooking stuff but more the practicalities re childcare that used to drive me nuts ! ie it always fell on me to sort out .

YANBU, it is stultifying.

I don't do all the housework (on principle) and have a couple of nice hobbies and it's easy to keep reasonably busy with this and that, but what weighs on my mind is that it is really easy to revert to just talking about what you've done to the house (eg painted a room) or where you had a really nice lunch. Obviously that's the domain of a certain Type of woman and that woman is not me. And of course it reflects the lack of breadth in what I do do.

Another thing I hate about it is that when you meet working women, they often refer to how much time you must spend relaxing with a cup of tea and the paper. It's a bit bitchy, but mea culpa, obviously I do do that quite a bit. I slightly hate myself.

YANBU..I'm part-time and my days home sometimes drive me nuts trying to get everything done with 3yr old in tow and I hate the school runs!! All I do is think about awhat I have to do taht evening to get ready for work (teach) the next day. Couldn't be full-time sahm, no way.

Not at all U. It is not for everyone - like me, you reach a point where you need to use your brain again/feel valued (or whatever it is). Good luck.

Also 'get a job' is not actually that easy! You need something that is going to sustain you for the next 30 or 40 years. That needs thought and investment if you don't just go back to your old job.

God no - YANBU!
Have you told your DH how you're feeling?

Hmm - you're backtracking. You said in your OP that when you were working you did everything at home.

If you can find something suitable, take part time work to avoid childcare costs (or get DH to understand that childcare costs are a household expense, not yours) and also get a cleaner. Then instruct DH on the operation of the dishwasher, washing machine etc and make it clear its 50/50 from now on.

Erm.
Can I just say that it is possible to both use your brain and feel significant/valued and be a sahm.
When you are used to working and then stop it can feel like you have no significance. But that is a mindset.
If you have choices (and of course not everyone does) then you do not need to be bored, insignificant or dull.

YANBU

GL with getting your DH to pull his weight.

I don't think anyone has suggested on this thread that being a SAHM makes someone bored, insignificant or dull. But some women do feel that they have become those things and they are allowed to feel like that.

Some women feel like callous harpies cruelly abandoning their children when they go back to work so they give it up again. They're allowed to feel like that too, as long as they don't tell me I should as well.

Absolutely Pagwatch, I rarely have a day 'Staying at Home' and am cetainly not bored, insignificant or dull!

But OP, YANBU if that is how you feel.

YANBU- I was a SAHM for 3 years and eventually it drove me nuts. Twas almost as if I could see my brain cells diminishing by the hour. Had it not been for my drama hobby where I could escape and drool at my handsome leading opposites escape for an evening, I would have lost it.

I've been working P/T now since November and it feels goooooood.

Georgiamama
I think it was

" you reach a point where you need to use your brain again/feel valued (or whatever it is). Good luck." that must have confused me

I am not trying to be picky.
I am just saying what I have experienced.

When I first gave up my job I felt like that. But I realised I was treating being at home as a mixture of drudgery and holiday. Once I decided to see it just as the way I lived I started making much more positive choices.

That's all.

You aren't confused. That's how that particular poster felt about being a SAHM. That's all.