Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In being bored senseless with being a SAHM

120 replies

cazza40 · 25/03/2011 18:51

I have been at home with my 2 kids now for the last 3 years - before this I worked 4 days a week. I stopped working as I was exhausted - I worked a 6 day week in 4 days (!) and did everything at home too and by the time I had paid for childcare was hardly making any money at all.

The first few years were fine as I was renovating our house , had the 2 young kids to look after. Now both are at school and I am insanely bored with how mundane my life is. Does anyone else feel like this or AIBU ?

OP posts:
tulpe · 25/03/2011 19:36

Pagwatch - do you mind if I ask how you spend your days?

You sound as though you are where I would wish to be, from a psychological perspective. I want to be happy as an SAHM and indeed I know I am very fortunate to be in this position. However, I do feel like sometimes I will end up on a very high dose of valium in order to continue!

Also, rather crucially, how do you divide housework between you and DH? Or do you do it all? I think this is one of the worst aspects of my life and would love to know if IABU to want a little more sharing or whether I should put up and shut up because "that's my job" Hmm :)

Original poster
cazza40 · 25/03/2011 19:45

I agree Pagwatch you seem so sorted re the whole sahm business I really wish I could feel like that !

OP posts:
Pagwatch · 25/03/2011 20:00

No not sorted. Who is?

But I had to make the choice to enjoy the life I have. Once that clicked in my head I kind of thought ' bloody he'll - I can do what I want all day' and it became about that rather than ' what does everyone else think about what I do'

I have weird and fortunate bits of my life which make me able to do things most can't. I also have restrictions. I get no respite for ds2 so my days are free but my evenings and weekends are not iyswim
The chores thing is mostly me but I have a cleaner. I do all the day to day stuff, washing, ironing, bed tidying, bathroom washing down etc. The cleaner comes in twice a week to do the big jobs including hoovering as I have a knackered back.
Dh is full on at the weekends mostly as he is a good cook and likes to do all the cooking and market shopping at the weekend. He does that and a lot of the car and garden related stuff. He likes all that

I do a lot of baking as ds2 has multiple complex allergies. Running the house takes a lot of time (old, historic , restoration etc). I do yoga daily (again, knackered back) walk the dog in the woods near here, read, trips to London to the galleries, shops, meet dh for lunch etc. I am very very slowly learning Spanish. I make clothes and I am interested in fashion. I go into town to meet friends.
I do some stuff at two of the dcs schools. I do two other voluntary things each week.
Loads of shit.

Some days I run around. Other days i sit in the garden. Depends really.

MikeOxstiff · 25/03/2011 20:42

I have been a sahd for the last 5 years and have no intention of going back to work
I have been bored this last few days but at least I have been bored sitting in the garden sunbathing

I really enjoy walking to school on nice sunny days with dd and looking at the people going to work on the bus/in cars

Coffee groups,toddler groups and monthley nights out with the girls I have never had so many friends and a good social life

atthecarwash · 25/03/2011 21:19

I love being a SAHM...but I'm never home much!
Gym, shopping, seeing friends, walking the dog...the little time I spend at home i'm cooking gorgeous meals , cleaning or reading. And then I pick up my kids from school and look after them myself, not a stranger or an sfter school club, but me their mum....I don't understand how anyone could hate being a SAHM

Pagwatch · 25/03/2011 21:21

Oh I can understand how people may not like it. Depends what you enjoy.

I adored my job. Was gutted when I first stopped working. But now I love this and wouldn't change it.

But different choices and all that....

freshmint · 25/03/2011 21:24

not surprised.
very difficult to be a SAHM when kids are at school if you have half a brain.
get a job!
or shag your personal trainer. that seems to be the two options followed by most of the mums in y our situation around here

Violethill · 25/03/2011 21:34

"And then I pick up my kids from school and look after them myself, not a stranger or an sfter school club, but me their mum..."

Ah, yes, that tired old cliche about working parents who grab a passing stranger on the street and ask them to take care of the kids.....

Sure you're really so secure in your choice, if you have to resort to absurd nonsense to validate it? Hmm

Violethill · 25/03/2011 21:35

P.S Many of us working mums also cook gorgeous meals, see friends, go to the gym , read and walk the dog! Amazing innit? Grin

Georgimama · 25/03/2011 21:37

Violet, don't you pick a likely looking stranger each day and commandeer them to collect your children from school? You're missing out.

Pagwatch · 25/03/2011 21:38

Yes. Of course you do. I did...well except the gorgeous meals thing. I can bake but I can't cook.

But I have a different life now. Not better or worse. Just different

Violethill · 25/03/2011 21:40

Well, I tried for a while, but trouble was, they kept turning the offer down.

So, god dammit, I had to organise proper childcare, with a loving carer, where my children had a wonderful time with other children of their age. It's a bugger isn't it?!

Pagwatch · 25/03/2011 21:40

Sorry. I replied as if it was an open point but you are poked off with atthecarwash and her stranger collecting your child suggestion.

Pagwatch · 25/03/2011 21:41

I turn up to collect dd from late room and she looks hugely disappointed.

Probably the thought of going home to my cooking doesn't help

Hereforlife · 25/03/2011 22:04

A sahm/wohm and a bf/ff thread on the same day. What next?

Jajas · 25/03/2011 22:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KindofFancy · 26/03/2011 00:48

I used to be bored being a SAHM but then I realised that I could take charge of my time. I've used my time at home to complete an MSc and a PhD, run various community groups, set up a business and gain a variety of skills.

If I'd just stuck to domestic duties and parenting-related activities I'd probably still be bored, but by being pro-active I've been able to stay stimulated and maintain a wide social group - probably more so than if I'd had to work.

scottishmummy · 26/03/2011 00:55

get a job stop fannying about as a housewife

missslc · 26/03/2011 01:02

I love being at home- how come everyone feels their brain cells are dying?

I read more books now, visit galleries, museums, parks where i chat to other v interesting mums.

scottishmummy · 26/03/2011 01:07

jolly yes,not necessarily stimulating or invigorating like work.

DandyDan · 26/03/2011 09:40

Staying at home doesn't have to be all domestic jobs and parenting. Anyone with a computer - ie anyone on MN - has access to any kind of intellectual research they fancy: from leaving off science aged 16, I got into genetics, and epigenetics and evolutionary science simply by hunting something down I wanted to know about. I got into modernist literature the same way. Your brain doesn't have to atrophy if you have access to books, via a library or a bookgroup, or to a local gallery or museum. There are tons of demanding volunteering jobs or hobbies.

VivaLeBeaver · 26/03/2011 09:47

I currently work 4 days a week, used to work 3. I've found it a struggle working 4 days. Like you Cazza I have a DH who doesn't do a lot round hte house. He hoovers and cleans the kitchen sometimes but its me that does the shopping, cooking, laundry, dishwasher, hoovering if he hasn't done it, etc.

I think I may go back down to 3 days a week soon.

I've just had a week's annual leave and loved it though. If I won the lottery I'd happily be a SAHM. Take DD to school and walk the dog, its 10:30by the time I get home. Read the paper, check my emails. Do some chores till lunch time. Maybe do a few more chores or do an exercise DVD. Escape To The Country starts at 2:15pm, then its time to pick DD up. Help her with homework, etc and cook dinner.

If I do go down to 3 days a week I want to start art classes and do more baking.

NoWayNoHow · 26/03/2011 09:50

YANBU - I've been a SAHM for 3 years with DS. He's now at nursery 4 mornings a week, and I'm slowly by surely going completely mad!

Job hunting at the moment, but really strugglin to find anything that fits around his nursery hours - may have to put him in longer...

Jajas · 26/03/2011 20:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sleepingsowell · 26/03/2011 20:54

I dream of being a SAHM

I would fill my days with:
Walks by the sea
The gym
Cycle rides
Reading
Baking
Cooking/freezing healthy homemade meals
Crocheting
Drawing
Playing piano
Gardening
Setting up a little online craft shop
Jewellery making
Researching our family tree
Volunteering somewhere I could not get a job eg National Trust property

I can see how being a SAHM with kids at HOME all day can be hard and isolating and a drudge but having every day to yourself? I can't imagine how you could be bored. Work on yourself so that you have interests and things that make you not bored, I would say. I don't mean that to sound harsh but I think it might. Obviously I know that being at home gives you that implied role of housekeeper as well but it doesn't take all of every day. And there is nothing wrong with expecting husband andkids to clear up after thmselves when they are at home. You are not a slave!

I mean, 'reading' sounds a bit bland, but wow - time to read in the day and to learn SO much - it's huge!

Swipe left for the next trending thread