God-mother, but without the God bit?

[Thistledew]

My friend has invited me to be a God-mother to her child. I am honoured that she asked, and happy to take on a role in her child's life, but the only problem is that I am not a Christian. I have my own spiritual views, but they do not accord with anything that is prescribed in any religious text.

I assume that she is going to have a Christening for her child. Is there any way I can promise to support and guide the child without having to do so in the Christian faith? (I am happy to teach my views on religion, but I doubt it would be in a way that the Church would be entirely pleased with )

Also, for those of you who are or have god-parents, what do you expect of them?

My DH is a "god" parent to an unchristened child. We call him godfather for ease of reference rather than anything else. The parents held a thanksgiving service for him, rather than a christening (as they did for all their children)

I am actually a god mother to a friend's son - I am not religious, and the parents know this, but I live my life by values that they agree with and I adore their little boy and will always look out for him. They are not particularly religious either, so it wasn't a big deal.

If you are chosen to be a god-parent but are not christened yourself, you are still allowed to go to the christening, you are just called a 'sponsor' instead of a god-parent.

I agree with Northern..it's just ridiculous and very hypocritical of the parent.

OP you can still be a 'guide' and a very important part of any child's life without telling lies in a church.

You dont have to be christian to be married anymore but as far as Im aware you still declare your love in front of god. TBH if your not Christian then I wouldn't worry. I'm atheist but have been married in church and am a god parent. More for family who are christian who would be hurt if I hadn't done this. It doesn't worry me at all as they are just words which mean nothing to me as as I'm not religous. However my familiy/friends beliefs are important to me and I am willing to 'go with it' as they matter more to me.

My children weren't christened (atheist family) but have godless 'godparents' - I think it's a nice idea to have a non-related adult who takes an interest in you.

My sister, who was actually christened, has a Jewish godfather .

I think you just need to talk to the friend about whether they are actually having a ceremony and how seriously they take it. Mostly these days I think a godparent is more an honorary aunt or uncle.

Feynman and others this is a genuine query not a attack. If you can say 'its just words which mean nothing to me' why bother I just don't get it. People go on and on MM about the hypocrisy of religion but what can be more hypocritical than to PRETEND. It also amazes me that even people who consider thereselves to be decent are prepare to make Services that has sacred meaning for others in to nothing more than a mockery. Why not just do it your own way?

That's what I don't understand beesimo The parents can't be proper Christians if they are willing to choose God Parents who see the words/vows as meaningless or who are willing to lie in church.

Therefore, there must be loads of children being Christened into a faith that even their parents don't truly believe in??

For example..I would never stand in say a Mosque and say words/vows that I didn't believe in and pretend to guide a child through a life as Muslim if I didn't believe in their faith?

It's very strange, isn't it?

If these people want a ceremony, or to appoint 'special' roles, then those things are perfectly possible, and can be done with gravitas in a lovely way without any mention of a god you don't believe it.

Sorry I wasn't trying to be flippant, I just meant that the words don't mean anything to me personally so saying them did not cause me any problem.I didn't mean they were meaninless generally just to me personally if you see what I mean. I agreed to be a god parent for family who wished this, as my family mean a lot to me and I am more than willing to go along with their faith if it makes them happy. TBH I imagine there are many thousands of children being baptaised into the christian faith when their parents are not really religious. It is very much about expectations and tbh if this did not happen most churches would be on their knees as they have little money as it is.
For all I'm not religious I still help orgainse a local christingle service and have been involved with raising quite a lot of money for our church roof. I do this because I value what the church can and does mean to my community and the people in it. Just because I don't believe in god doesn't mean I can't value what it represents.

Thanks for replying Feynman it is interesting to here other peoples point of view.

To be honest I think a great many people actually want to believe they want to be part of something bigger than themselves they just can't open themselves to the possibility of God as something 'proud' or 'clever' gets in the way. Next time you are in a church it would be great if you could really think about what is actually being said and not just let it wash over you.

Feynman,

"if this didn't happen most churches would be on their knees...." ???

There is no charge for a baptism in the church of England.

I agree with Beesimo and Worra - you say it doesn't matter because the words don't mean anything to you. The point is that it means a lot to other people and you are being disrespectful of that.

I'm an ungodly-parent as my own religious views (Athiest) combined with my respect for other's beliefs precluded me from taking part in the formal Christening.

My 'god'son has other proper godparents who were prepared to stand up in church and be counted. I do all the usual stuff godparent-y stuff for him and have in fact been asked to be his legal guardian in the event of a tragedy.

It makes me cross that people are prepared to stand up and make a mockery of a religious ceremony by taking promises that they cannot hope to keep but I am getting used to the fact that I'm in a minority in this. And as I've already fallen out with one friend over ill judged remarks re her desire for a church wedding I now keep my trap firmly shut IRL on this subject.

I've yet to go to my first Humanist naming ceremony but as I've now done 2 weddings it can't be long .

Pretty rude to ask a priest to leave out the questions.
I totally sympathise with you though. It's an honour to be asked. But to be a great role model to a child is much more important than standing lying in church.

Mouses: But how on earth can your friend have a christening ie baptise thier infant into the christian faith because that is what the ceremony is about - if she is not a christian and neither are you as the person appointed to offer spiritual guidance?

Surely having a naming ceremony with sponsors for the child would be more approrpiate and less direspectful to those for whom this sort of thing has a genuine meaning?

I'm not a christian either and would certainly refuse. Apart from anything else it is anathema to ne, to, notionally at least, saddle a child with a whole set of beliefs they are not in any position to question.

I am baptised catholic. With a jewish and an orthodox godparents. Apparently it was a trial to find a priest to agree . I am not the most religious person, may be it had an effect on me?
Just for family convention or because that what you do..
may be the OP's friend is pressurised to do that and want the OP as a meaningful statement?

I suppose because it is traditional in the same way non-believers sometimes get married in church.

It isn't something I would personally do, I have no plans to christen my DD, but I don't feel strongly enough about it to refuse to be a godparent. In fact I feel touched that she wants to officially ask me to play an important role in her childs life.

Also I was christened as a child, because if was the done thing, and it has had no affect on my life or spiritual outlook whatsoever. I don't think it is necessarily saddling a child with a whole set of beliefs.

I think you'll have to be an "extra". The promises made by a godparent in a baptism service are pretty clear and specific.

We are catholic, and our children's godparents are not. During the ceremony the godparents are simply asked if they will support the parents in their duties as Christian parents...which is pretty vague, and our friends felt perfectly comfortable saying that they would. There is another part, where the parents, godparents and wider family are invited to renew their own baptismal vows, but our priest was more than happy for people to remain silent during this part if it did not apply to them.
We chose baptism because of our own beliefs, and we chose godparents who we knew would love and support our children always. Not sure why their beliefs need to be the same as ours, really.

If you are not a Christian then you can not in all honesty stand as a god parent in a church service. If you look up the wording you have to pronounce your christian faith, reject the devil etc etc. I could not do that even for a best friend as it is hypocrisy.
I am a "non god parent" to my best friend's child. She did not have a religious ceremony and I was honoured and more than happy. Obviously as a close friend I would have been involved in her child's life come what may.
If she had not have been an atheist, I would have said that I am more than happy to be a non-god-parent and look forward to playing a part in her childs life, but could not stand up and make false promises in a church.
I know lots of non-Christians get married in church and have children baptised. But as a confirmed atheist, I just could not repeat the accept Christ renounce Satan stuff that I have seen done in baptism ceremonies.
I don't mind if unsure or not bothered people do, that is up to them and some will think it is no big deal, more about supporting friends and family. But I wouldn't do it myself.

Well i now have 8 God children, and have been asked to be again.

I have never been to Church, except for the Christening procedure.

For me, it is an honour and an absolute privalege, it means that i have a very special relationship with each child. I love them as if they were my own children.

Unfortunately i am unable to commit to showing any of them the way of God and was very candid and open about this when i was asked by each of the childrens parents.

It is kind of understood that as a God parent i have an obligation to be interested in them, to think of them as special angels in my life. Which i do.
Not quite sure how i have accumulated SO many, but i feel SO special that i am considered to be such a good lifelong friend to each of the parents that they want me to take this role.

Its lovely and not necissarily strictly religious, its your own and the parents interpretation of the role. This should be clear at the start.

It is religious!! It iis a church ceremony! This is fairly clear by the fact it is held in a church and hosted by an ordained priest.