to think that 35 is not middle-aged

[vic77en]

My colleague yesterday referred to someone as middle-aged. When I said they weren't middle aged, were maybe early-mid thirties, he said that 35 was middle-aged.

I guess technically it's half of the "3 score years and 10" but FFS life expectancy for a woman is 80-something, no?

I am 34 and do not feel ready to be middle-aged for at least another 10 years.

So when do you think "middle-age" starts?

I think it all depends on your point of view. When I was a teenager I thought someone aged 35 was ancient and used to hate it when creepy blokes of that age tried to fit in with our teenage circle. When I was 35 I thought of myself as young still and dreaded being 50. When I was 50 or thereabouts however it was a really happy time, more settled, busy with a growing family and a job, not to mention voluntary work.

Now I am older still I regard people of 35 as being very young indeed (and I don’t think I am ‘past it’ either. Best not to label people really. Age really is just a number.

Another post risen from the depths of MN

I was always told that middle age was 40s, and it makes sense when you view it was half your life because people are generally living to 80.

But that then makes 40 the logical middle point of middle age - not the beginning.

Also, Harrison Ford was 35 in Star Wars: A New Hope, and I would not describe as middle-aged in that, and he refers back to himself as "so young" at that time.

That's his perspective now, though - he's well over twice that age now. Plus, he's sort of referring to his career progression in adulthood rather than his whole life.

I was 60 less than a week ago.
I am told I don't look or act it although have health issues at the moment. So no age is irrelevant.

Another post risen from the depths of MN

It's still just as relevant and universal a topic as when it was first posted, though. It's not like a baby name one where people are still suggesting names for a tiny little girl who's now a mum herself!

When I was little I told my mum (late 30s at the time) that OF COURSE she was middle aged. I was quite surprised when she was really cross ;)

I hope not, 50 here and I still barely feel like a grown-up!

I was 60 less than a week ago.
I am told I don't look or act it although have health issues at the moment. So no age is irrelevant.

But you do look like a 60yo - you look like yourself. Why is your experience of being 60 any less notable than that of any other 60yo? No other 60yo owns the 'rights' to the concept any more or less than you do. If you do something, it's something that a 60yo does/has done.

"But that then makes 40 the logical middle point of middle age - not the beginning."

80 divided by 2 is 40, meaning that's the start of the midpoint of your life. Most people nowadays say it starts at 40 and ends at around 60-64. It is according to noted psychologist Erik Erikson and PublicHealth.org, so I think they should have a fair idea.

"That's his perspective now, though - he's well over twice that age now."

And his perspective should be worth something. I'd take the perspective of an older person more than twice that age over someone closer to it. With that kind of age comes wisdom!

No offence to anybdy, whether MNer or eminent psychologist, but if you see your life as a journey (there's probably a Westlife song in there somewhere) of 80 or so anticipated miles, you would never say that you were beginning the middle stage of it when you had hit the 40-mile mark.

If you were splitting a 24-hour shift at work between three people, I don't think the one doing the first part would be very chuffed if the assigned 'middle shift' worker didn't turn up until 12 hours had already passed.

I am 36 today and am hopefully not middle aged 😬😳

Personally I think middle age is when you stop wanting to stay out late and party and are just happy having a meal with friends and then home for a cup of tea before bed. For some people that can be 30. For others, never.

I do see life as a journey, and I don't think I'll be in the middle of it by the time I turn 35. Getting towards the middle, sure, but not there yet. You don't have to agree with an eminent phycologist, but I think he has enough credentials to be listened to, along with someone of far greater age with more perspective than people less than half that could have, which means there's A LOT of the journey left to go.

Anyway, while the average life expectancy is 81 to 85 where I live, it's on the rise. It's risen since the OP first posted this 9 years ago. I know plenty of people who are living to 90 and over, so the journey could very well last longer. But it also depends on the individual and if they care for themselves well. 35 won't even be middle-age if you drink and smoke a lot and don't take care of yourself.

I do see life as a journey, and I don't think I'll be in the middle of it by the time I turn 35. Getting towards the middle, sure, but not there yet.

Isn't that what I said, though? That if we consider MA as a significant stage of life and not just a single year, it must by necessity begin before the middle point and then end after the middle point?!

This thread (albeit originated over a decade ago) has been very interesting to read. I never realised that people saw the later stages of their lives as something bad and to be avoided/rejected for as long as possible. The terms obviously carry (negative) cultural connotations far beyond the neutral descriptions that they convey at their simplest level.

Personally, I view the increased life experience, wisdom, confidence and stability that comes with age as at least as worthwhile as the reduction in physical prowess and energy levels balance it out more detrimentally; but it would appear that I'm firmly in the minority there. Fascinating to hear everybody's viewpoints on it, though.

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

I was 60 less than a week ago. I am told I don't look or act it although have health issues at the moment. So no age is irrelevant.

But you do look like a 60yo - you look like yourself. Why is your experience of being 60 any less notable than that of any other 60yo? No other 60yo owns the 'rights' to the concept any more or less than you do. If you do something, it's something that a 60yo does/has done.

And yet you've just confidently asserted, prior to this:

Once you reach 60, you've passed into early old age

I think that is only your opinion, and many working in the field would disagree. Most in fact place 60 as still in midlife, or middleaged. It is amusing on a thread where people are horrified to be thought middleaged at whatever age (seems to be anything up to and including after 50), they should be expected to eagerly grab onto the notion that they are in 'early old age' at 60!

You could have another forty years left still

Well, no, not on MN, where the older generations are expected to step aside, as people are impatient to do whatever they want, and 'we all have to die sometime'.

I get that people are more interested in quality and richness of life rather than 'just a number', but I think many want the best of both worlds. There was a lot of talk a few years ago (between now and when this thread began!) of people being able to live to 150 - and there was a positive buzz about the prospect of this.

I rather got the impression that a lot of folk were envisaging reaching 30 and then staying physically suspended like that from then on for another 120 years, before you'd wave a jaunty goodbye and drift away with a lively skip and a wink. Nobody was looking at the 100yos of the time and considering spending another five decades deteriorating progressively from that point!

The US tech billionaires are still spending up big on research facilities to find some cure for ageing, and/or life-extension program. The mania for this seems to kick in when they hit 50, a bit like bike riding in lycra.

And yet you've just confidently asserted, prior to this:

Once you reach 60, you've passed into early old age

I see no contradiction in what I said. People are telling the poster that she doesn't 'look 60', but my view is that she does look like her instance of 60; and, now she is 60, she has indeed passed into early old age.

I think there's an overall assumption that 'old' has to equal 'haggard, dull, invisible, past it, surplus to requirements' etc and I personally disagree with this - I find it offensive and extremely ageist. 'Old' simply describes the years passed - no more and no less. Many societies actually value the wisdom and experience that their elders have had the opportunity to accumulate (whether they have taken this opportunity or not); they see maturity and decades of knowledge as a positive thing and not just 'old = on the scrap heap'.

I think that is only your opinion, and many working in the field would disagree.

Of course it's only my opinion, FWIW - this is a general interest forum open freely to the public to share a wide range of opinions, thoughts, beliefs and experiences. I'm not claiming to be an emeritus professor in psychology or gerontology.

I don't confidently assert anything other than my own personal opinions, with which others are likely to wildly disagree and are free to debate - but neither of us is wrong to have our own individual opinions

For a female the average age exoectancy is85 so Middle age =43+

When I am in my.40s it may increase a little

It's never 30s. You are young. Relax and enjoy having 50 years ahead of you (on average)

Well, I'm not a gerontologist or and epidemiologist, either! But it is odd to be telling a woman all that 'look at it from another angle' stuff, having said that someone who is 60 is in early old age - which I think is a very outdated view, by the way. On the one hand, she is saying she is told she doesn't look like what 60 looks like in people's minds and expectations; and you are saying effectively, you're really old, having designated that cutoff point a moment before, and then rather than letting her have her experience be as it is, saying but age is relative, and even though you're in early old age, you are you being 60!, etc. It's a contradiction of your own terms, ie.

"For a female the average age exoectancy is85 so Middle age =43+"

It is! We've still got a lot of life to go! I'm in my early 30s, btw.

"Isn't that what I said, though?"

You were making posts disagreeing with my statements, and I basically just repeated it above, so no? I'm a little confused about what you're even trying to say. From my perspective, middle-age is the middle of your life, so if we generally live to be in our 80s, divide it by 2 and 40s is half your life. Many elderly people I know say that's how it is and I think they have a great perspective on life so I believe them.

cbt944 - I think we're talking at cross purposes, but I see what you're saying (I believe).

I suppose I'm just seeing things from an objective view - and maybe not taking account of the wide cultural baggage attached to the numbers involved - but how is it outdated or incorrect to acknowledge that a person who has lived for 60 of a likely 75-90 years has reached a point at which they're in the older/later segment of their life?

I'm probably being unrealistic, as it is ingrained in western culture that 'young = acceptable' and 'older = shameful', but I really am referring to the passage of years and nothing more.

The original half of our house is a little over 200 years old and the other half consists of a large extension that was built 50 years ago. As it happens, the older part is in better repair, having been built with more skill and care and more wisely-chosen materials, whereas the newer part is in need of a lot more work. Even if the extension were completely falling down around our ears, it would still be only a quarter as old as the other half. It's not a value judgement - just numbers of years and nothing else.

Without wanting to massively derail this already well-seasoned thread, I think we see some parallels in society in certain instances with the current gender/transgender situation. We compartmentalise people by saying that "You are A and all A-people do/like B; A-people aren't allowed to do/like C - that's something that only D-people are allowed to do/like in our society". I really don't see why we can't tell people "Yes, you are A, but that doesn't prevent you from doing/liking C: the very fact that you are A and you like/want to do C is absolute proof that, sometimes, A-people DO like/do C" and then let them come to their own decisions and conclusions without having to do so from the bounds of an artificial social cage.

I guess 35 is middle aged. However, I’m in my 50’s with adult and teenage children - I wouldn’t class myself as “old” 😱

Age is just a number.

Lex01

I'm confused too, now.

I'm absolutely not trying to tell people of any age what perspective they should have on their own lives or on life in general, as they see it.

My point is just that I personally see middle age as a significant life stage - like childhood, young adulthood, early old-age, very old-age - rather than a single point. You and others clearly see it differently, and that's great, as my opinion is no more or less valid than yours per se.

If you had three full days in which to complete a task, I would consider the middle section of the allotted time to run for the whole of the second day whereas the mid point would be exactly halfway through the working hours of the second day. Maybe it's just semantics and different ways of seeing things.