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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

As a mum, how do you feel when a stranger touches your baby, gets hold of their hands/squeezes their cheeks etc..?

117 replies

MaisyMooCow · 23/03/2011 21:13

Tonight on the bus home I was sat near a woman and her baby. The girl next to them was smiling and chatting to the baby and as she approached her stop she took hold of the baby's hand, gave it a gentle squeeze and a wiggle and said goodbye to the baby. I saw the mum's face and she threw this girl a look of disgust. The girl didn't notice, she was fixed on the baby.

As a mum, how do you feel about strangers doing this?

OP posts:
sprinkles77 · 24/03/2011 22:41

It's not the germs thing that upsets me. It's the lack of respect for my child, his personal space and his body. Cooing and chatting are fine, but touching without asking...no way! It's like all the bump touching while I was pregnant. He might be a baby but he's a person. I wouldn't tickle a strange adult in the street! I ask before patting a dog (OK, DS is unlikely to bite)!

exoticfruits · 25/03/2011 08:27

I don't think the baby is in the least bothered about his personal space, at that age they don't even know they are a separate person-it is the mother who is bothered. I loved the start of this thread where people were refreshingly sociable, but it has reverted to normal and -don't touch my baby.

AlpinePony · 25/03/2011 08:38

Hate it.

Get.yer.fucking.grubby.mitts.off.my.baybee. Angry

exoticfruits · 25/03/2011 10:39

With that attitude you can't blame the British for not being child friendly.
In countries that love DCs, they touch and interact and would be totally perplexed by the attitude of AlpinePony. I think they celebrate childhood-it isn't all smothering with my baby-they are not a possession. I think it much better for a baby to learn from the mother to be sociable and friendly.

AlpinePony · 25/03/2011 10:42

I don't live in the UK. :)

I also think my reaction is quite extreme, but then I'm quite "social adverse" myself - I don't like people too close and I don't like too many people full stop!

I know of many, many people who love showing their baby off and having it cooed over. I did not. I put a "fly net" over the pram to stop people staring in.

I don't think I'm responsible for the attitudes of others.

exoticfruits · 25/03/2011 10:45

Hopefully not AlpinePony.

exoticfruits · 25/03/2011 10:46

I also bet you are not in Greece, Spain or Italy.

AlpinePony · 25/03/2011 10:49

Look, I don't mean to be rude, but you can be as passive-aggressive as you like - you are not touching my newborn! Grin I don't care how much you whine that you "love children" - get yer dirty paws off!

exoticfruits · 25/03/2011 10:56

That's fine as then as long as you then don't moan that people are not child friendly! (I don't suppose you do, so no problem!) What people really mean is that people are not child friendly under the mother's terms. It doesn't work like that-people are child friendly under their own terms and the mother can't control other people.

AlpinePony · 25/03/2011 10:59

Perhaps then that's the difference between "child" and "baby". He's nearly 9 months now and I've let him go on holiday with just his dad, he goes to creche and I don't have a problem with friends & family holding him. I did however have a massive problem with people staring in to the pram and trying to touch when he was only a few weeks old.

BaggedandTagged · 25/03/2011 11:02

what exotic fruits said.

We can't blah on that "it takes a village to raise a child" and "Am I being unreasonable to expect my children to be welcome at Nobu. They only screamed for 30 mins" when we begrudge some old lady a cheek stroke/ cuddle. What the fuck's wrong with us?

memphis83 · 25/03/2011 11:18

i dont mind people approaching us for a chat I hate the people who just stare with a deranged smile on their faces, it freaks me out, also last week my mum had ds and an old lady kissed his hand, i didnt like this! i also went shopping abd a couple in their 50's literall followed us around the shop saying oh look at him,oh look at his hat, i found it really uncomfortable. im not bothered about places that arent child friendly we just avoid them, before i had a family i wouldnt have wanted everywhere we went to be full of kids

AlpinePony · 25/03/2011 11:24

I'm rather with memphis on all of this - why on earth would I go to somewhere which isn't child-friendly? Oh Y-A-W-N to the threads which start "AIBU that my PFB wasn't treated like an Emporer at Nobu?" - fuck off to Harvester, nobody gives a toss there.

But, to answer baggedandtagged - what sort of people are we mixing with in society if my child has to be subjected to 60 year old women saying "I could just eat him up!". Shock I don't want my child to fear for his life at the hands of a woman who simply sees him as snack material! Wink

Bloody cannibals - that's what it comes down to.

(Naturally, you'd all want to poke and touch my baybee as he is the most beautiful of all the baybees.)

BlingLoving · 25/03/2011 11:37

It's good to see so many people are relaxed. I am not English and I find it hard that here if you try to help a parent with a child you can get such dirty looks. My brother - who for reasons none of us understand is adored by every child who ever lays eyes on him, it's very strange but quite sweet - once went to help a woman with two children at Heathrow by picking up the one. She snatched the baby out of his hands, and then thrust a pram at him - so she wanted his help, but even though he'd stopped the toddler from dashing off, she didn't want him near her child.

I do understand the fear, but think it's sad.

In Africa, it's definitely more relaxed and it would be considered normal a lot of the time for someone to simply pick up your child and help out eg at a restaurant, a bank, a doctor's office etc.

Chica31 · 25/03/2011 11:38

I live in a small town in Spain. Both my blond haired, blue eyed babies are the talk of the town! They are prodded and pinched and even taken out the pram to see every one in the bar. At first I was a bit PFB about it, but I love it now and it has really linked me into our local community!

thumbwitch · 25/03/2011 11:38

AlpinePony - I have to admit that one of the phrases that really grated on me was when MIL called him a little "pork chop". Er no. Not in any way, actually.

MoistTowelette · 25/03/2011 13:00

I live in a country where it is perfectly acceptable and it is constant.
My DD attracts a lot of attention whenever we go out as she is physically so different to local children.
At first I was flattered and very good natured about it but now I hate it.
My DD is at the age now where she obviously does not enjoy it either. She shouts 'no', turns her head in the pram, pushes hands away from her face etc.
My biggest pet peeve is when people take pictures or video without asking.
I once had someone open her eye with their fingers (when my back was turned) whilst she was sleeping in the pram so they could 'take a picture of her eyes'... needless to say the flash on their camera woke her up and she started screaming.
It was probably the first time in my life when I threatened to hit someone.

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