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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

As a mum, how do you feel when a stranger touches your baby, gets hold of their hands/squeezes their cheeks etc..?

117 replies

MaisyMooCow · 23/03/2011 21:13

Tonight on the bus home I was sat near a woman and her baby. The girl next to them was smiling and chatting to the baby and as she approached her stop she took hold of the baby's hand, gave it a gentle squeeze and a wiggle and said goodbye to the baby. I saw the mum's face and she threw this girl a look of disgust. The girl didn't notice, she was fixed on the baby.

As a mum, how do you feel about strangers doing this?

OP posts:
FoxyRevenger · 23/03/2011 22:05

I think it's nice although at random people putting their fingers into a babies mouth or kissing on the lips.

Although when people get right up close to my daughter's face she tends to get a bit scared, then they make a comment about her being tired/grumpy/strange.

Er, no, it's because she is a tiny baby strapped into a buggy and you are a big strange giant looming over her! (Yes, next door neighbour, I am talking to you) Grin

activate · 23/03/2011 22:10

As a mum I feel intensely pissed off at anyone who complains about someone else daring to pay their child attention

really really pissed off at the attitude that my children - my world

fuck off will ya (whoever feels like that) just fuck off and grow up

MollyMurphy · 23/03/2011 22:11

I think its odd for a complete stranger to touch your child - they wouldn't just touch an adult. I wouldn't be rude or anything but....I'd prefer not. I am cautious with people touching his hands because they are going to go directly in his mouth (6 months) - so I keep the hand sanitizer close.

MollyMurphy · 23/03/2011 22:12

You can pay attention to someone without touching them.

activate · 23/03/2011 22:15

yeah that attitude - you got it in one

Honeybee79 · 23/03/2011 22:15

I don't mind as long as it's gentle. Stroking/hand holding/patting is lovely to be honest. We get it quite a bit because DS is an astonishing fat baby who smiles a great deal like a demented chubby buddha . . .

FoxyRevenger · 23/03/2011 22:16

activate - chill! Smile

usualsuspect · 23/03/2011 22:19

I think its fine and anyone who has a problem with it is odd

hissymissy · 23/03/2011 22:19

I used to love it, in Spain everyone absolutely adores a baby. Even young men who if they were british would run a mile!

Honeybee79 · 23/03/2011 22:22

Molly - you sanitise your baby's hands and carry hand sanitiser?! But doesn't your DS constantly put stuff in his mouth anyway?

UKSky · 23/03/2011 22:25

Absolutely don't mind at all. But DD is such a cutie, and smiles at anybody who looks at her that the supermarket shop takes a lot longer these days.

We live in an area that has a very large retirement community and we get stopped everywhere we go by little old ladies wanting to have a look and have DD squeeze their finger.

And if she's wearing one of her granny knitted cardies or jackets, well.........we never get anywhere Smile

I think it's great, and if it makes a possibly lonely old lady smile, then that can only be a good thing.

MollyMurphy · 23/03/2011 22:29

Yeah I do when we are out in public. I sanitize my hands why shouldn't I sanitize his. He's not a toddler - he still just putting HIS stuff in his mouth. And activate I belive the OP asked for our opinions that mine. I wouldn't walk up to anyone including a baby and touch them uninvited - I don't think thats odd. Thats respectful.

exoticfruits · 23/03/2011 22:31

What a lovely thread and how refreshing! They crop up regularly and it is usually 'how dare a dirty stranger touch my baby'; socialising is so much nicer than being in a hygienic bubble. The baby doesn't mind-they make it clear if they do.

MollyMurphy · 23/03/2011 22:32

Why not just come up and have a chat and wave? Is all I'm saying.

FoxyRevenger · 23/03/2011 22:33

If you nonchalantly walk past the church on a Sunday morning as the service is ending, you the baby gets money too

pinkieminx · 23/03/2011 22:37

IMO children don't really think in terms of what is respectful though, do they?

Children love to touch and be touched - kissing a random child is going a bit far but a hand hold/cuddle/tickle is usually greeted with big smile by my DD. I actively encourage her to interact with new people - I love having such a sociable, happy smiler of a child

activate · 23/03/2011 22:38

Mollymurphy if you are sanitising a baby's hands before he puts them in his mouth you are doing him potential harm

babies need to be exposed to germs and bacteria and dirt etc it is how their immune systems develop

allow him to develop normally by not being overly-anxious about bacteria

bacteria are good

and you have been sucked in by the Dettox marketing campaigns

MollyMurphy · 23/03/2011 22:41

Mollymurphy if you are sanitising a baby's hands before he puts them in his mouth you are doing him potential harm babies need to be exposed to germs and bacteria and dirt etc it is how their immune systems develop

I do agree it can go too far and we are going to have to lighten up on the germs a bit but....as the mother of a premie who has been very ill catching other's virus's its hard to let go.

ShinyMoonInAPurpleSky · 23/03/2011 22:42

I don't mind the talking to so much but I'm not sure about the touching. The only person who has done it to ds so far is the rather odd lady who walks down my street about 100 millions times a day and I wasn't expecting it so I leant forward and she said "I'm not going to hurt him" I just said "Oh I know" and carried on the motion and stroked ds's head as if to make out that's what I'd been doing all along!

Does anyone else have a thing about other people touching your pets? I hate the thought of my cat being stroked by anyone else while she's out (but I always stroke cats if they ask me to so I am a hypocrite :o)

bulby · 23/03/2011 22:42

Mollym I'm sure the alcohol in the hand sanitiser is a damn site worse than a few germs ( which let's face it are probably identical to the ones already on baby) from a stranger! Also sanitiser tastes vile..... Don't ask. What do you do at mother and baby groups or the library when little one grabs stuff to put in their mouth?
Babies give older folk such pleasure, let them have it!

activate · 23/03/2011 22:43

Ok the preemie argument gives you a certain leeway Smile

but let old people touch him eh?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 23/03/2011 22:43

I tend to ignore babies and toddlers, not because I don't like them, I do, but there seem to be so many precious mothers that really resent anybody going anywhere near or taking any interest in their children. If I know somebody it's different but it's just not worth the looks and hystrionics with strangers.

I feel sorry for the mothers who enjoy others' interraction with their children. I know I'm not the only one who feels this way, but it's a great shame. :(

exoticfruits · 23/03/2011 22:44

I think the pet thing is really odd-I stop and talk to all cats and stroke them if they let me! I automatically stroke dogs that I meet, if they let me.

I think that babies are rather like pets, if the baby, dog or cat is happy why would the parent, owner get upset?

exoticfruits · 23/03/2011 22:45

I didn't mean they are like a pet-just they come into the same catagory for touching.

Duna · 23/03/2011 22:46

I don't, precisely because of this risk of a strange reaction. Too much hassle and negativity IMO.