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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

As a mum, how do you feel when a stranger touches your baby, gets hold of their hands/squeezes their cheeks etc..?

117 replies

MaisyMooCow · 23/03/2011 21:13

Tonight on the bus home I was sat near a woman and her baby. The girl next to them was smiling and chatting to the baby and as she approached her stop she took hold of the baby's hand, gave it a gentle squeeze and a wiggle and said goodbye to the baby. I saw the mum's face and she threw this girl a look of disgust. The girl didn't notice, she was fixed on the baby.

As a mum, how do you feel about strangers doing this?

OP posts:

Librashavinganotherbiscuit · 24/03/2011 08:41

Oh and I was a young girl in Japan (british and blonde) and we used to walk our dog, the Japanese found this fascinating (dogs back then being kept mainly for security purposes, not sure if this has changed) and used to stop us and ask us if they could take our photo. Bizarre.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 24/03/2011 08:48

otchayaninye, it was particularly bad when DD was with her ginger friend. I have virtually had to bundle them into a car to stop it. Twas like being papped sometimes.

gleechie · 24/03/2011 09:37

I loved people touching my DD when she was little, she was very tiny, though they did all think she was a boy i think its lovely.
So many people smile at you when you have a sproglet with you, i even got a lovely smile and comment from the customs people at Heathrow with DD , this was only only once mind you.

gleechie · 24/03/2011 09:40

Just read that back not sure why i put she was tiny, she was, but not sure why i felt the need to put emphasis on it. She did have a lovely shaped head though [proud]

HipHopopotomus · 24/03/2011 09:44

I don't mind that at all.

I was a bit freaked out when the old street lady with a beard zoomed in to kiss my very young baby full on the mouth!!!! Apparently she is notorious for it on local high street and I spent the next x months crossing the road to avoid her.

IWantAnotherBaby · 24/03/2011 09:51

My DS got a lot of attention as a small baby; at 8 weeks he came home from SCBU having finally reached 4.5lb; so I could hardly get 10 yards at a time without someone stopping to look at him, especially because he was always beaming at them! I was very PFB about it all and took to carrying him in a sling rather than the pram to avoid all the inquisitive fingers prodding him.

I eventually got over myself, and he enjoyed the attention but because he was always tiny, he got loads of this until he was 5 or so (and the size of a 2 year old), and people were always amazed that this apparently very small baby/ toddler could walk/ talk/ climb trees etc. Then he grew, and was suddenly not cute to strangers anymore; and I could relax!

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 24/03/2011 09:54

Proud

wonkeydonkies · 24/03/2011 09:56

sometimes i touch a baby's hand in the supermarket, cos the chubby little fingers are just so irresistable, or sometimes his cheek but i would never ever kiss a strange baby.

I would be sad if someone was offended by me touching their baby :(

Cosmosis · 24/03/2011 10:03

I love it. I think my pfb is the most wonderful thing ever created so it makes me feel fab when people admire him. Well there is a lot to be admired He is very happy and smiley so like others have said, supermarket trips take ages and you get talking to all sorts of people on the bus now. I like to think he has cheered up a lonely old ladies day once in a while.

thinNigella · 24/03/2011 10:07

Hate it. Germs.

Plus, it's my baby and not theirs

oldwomaninashoe · 24/03/2011 10:09

Going out with my two youngest when they were babies took a long time. They are identical twins but the number of people who would stop me and ask "are they twins?" was phenominal, and frankly irritating.
Their brother who was three at the time used to straddle the double buggy and shriek at people "don't look at my twins!" He would not anyone touch them

wonkeydonkies · 24/03/2011 10:11

dont think i will bother in future, just ignore the little brats :)

Bucharest · 24/03/2011 10:16

wonkey- as you can see, the only people who don't like it have weird germ hangups. (god help them when their children have to go to school and interact with others)
Don't worry, the majority of people are like cosmosis says though- and love people to make a fuss of their babies.

BaggedandTagged · 24/03/2011 10:24

This happens with DS. We live by HK's main visitor attraction, and tourists from mainland China always come and take photos of him when I'm sitting outside Starbucks with him. I'm used to it now.

strandedpolarbear · 24/03/2011 10:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

InPraiseOfBacchus · 24/03/2011 10:37

This may sound like a weird perspective on it, but I hated being touched as a young baby, it's one of my first memories, in fact. I felt utterly helpless, because my parents would be laughing along, and even if I looked unhappy about it, it was treated like some sort of joke, and I kind of sensed this.

My parents were caring and lovely, and would hate me to have come to any harm, but this seemingly 'didn't count'. I grew up in the middle east, and as I was an incredibly chubby, pasty white baby, every lady was desperate to poke me in the face (!).

I think it's fine to fuss over babies, and love to play with their tiny hands, but face-pinching is nasty, and for some reason makes me think of a time when babies were treated more as accessories than people, but maybe I'm just bitter!

deliciousdevilwoman · 24/03/2011 16:23

My DD aged 13 weeks gets a lot of attention-and bizarrely, her pram gets just as much cooing and conversation when we are on our travels-that's a new one on me!

I really don't mind the odd pat/stroke from strangers. It is usually elderly women. It seems to be instinctive for some-a spontaneous gesture. I was at Bumps and Babies recently when an Italian woman about my age asked if she could have "a cuddle" of DD (we had struck up a conversation)and she seemed fascinated that she is so tiny. I was happy to hand her over. I was a bit taken aback when she kissed her on the cheek though(once) but not offended.

I'd draw the line at kissing myself-but I have instinctively squeezed a little hand when it's reached out to me-particularly if I'd struck up a conversation with the mother. I think I'd be surprised and disappointed if an innocent overture were to be met with coldness/hostility as the OP described.

notso · 24/03/2011 16:55

HoneyBee79 I want to see your baby, he sounds so cute!

I don't mind at all when people touch mine, it's nice when they are friendly.
I certainly don't think about germs, and as for hand sanitiser if nothing else it tastes vile and it's really bad for the skin.

VajazzHands · 24/03/2011 18:47

I never touch babies unless specifically invited to hold them.

saffy85 · 24/03/2011 19:07

I don't mind at all as long as they're gentle and if baby appears to not like it they back off. Having said that, I did flinch a bit at a rather pissed bloke who smelt like a brewery and was swaying a bit, stroking DD's cheeks and telling her how beautiful she is. She loved it, only a baby at the time and chortled up at him which encouraged him further. He was harmless enough but couldn't seem to get rid of the smell from DD til bathtime that night.

tholeon · 24/03/2011 19:13

loved him getting attention, but then after he'd been in icu at 4 months with a virus I got very paranoid about germs. So I hated randoms touching his hands and yes would sanitize afterwards. Some of the sanitizers are safe for children. Seeing your baby that ill gives you a certain perspective on things so totally see where Mollymurphy (sorry if i've got your name wrong - the mother of the preemie) is coming from. I've lightened up a lot now - he is 21 months - but it has taken a long time, and I'm not totally there yet.

MotherOfHobbit · 24/03/2011 20:21

I think they should check first. My 9 mo DS is getting stranger anxiety. He's burst into tears a few times at unexpected stranger contact.

Northeastgirl · 24/03/2011 21:08

Friendly chat is nice, kissing a stranger's child is a bit weird

minxofmancunia · 24/03/2011 21:21

I hated it when it happened with both dcs, it makes me cringe. I wish people would keep their germy hands to themselves. One lady on a bus once tried to grab dd from me and I had to swat her hands away and an old lady who looked like the witch from hansel and gretel grabbed ds 's face in the park and kissed him. She had warts and missing teeth and everything!

Ds gets lots of attention when we go to south west France. Most of the locals are dark and mediterranean looking as well as being quite skinny. All the old ladies want to touch the big pale peaches and cream chubby baby with the glowing red hair and huge pale blue eyes! I think they think he's an angel or something (of course he is super cute).

blueshoes · 24/03/2011 22:22

Wouldn't miss a beat.

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