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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WWYD this is abuse but complex situation.

104 replies

JjandtheBeanlovesUnicorns · 23/03/2011 11:30

I know this is not really the correct place to post but i know aibu is the best place for heavy traffic, great advice and good opinions.

Me dp and the two dcs were made homeless 4 weeks ago since then we have stayed in a bnb.

opposite us is another family, youngish couple 27 and 25 with a son the same age as ours 3.

Now i try and keep myself to myself but im becoming increasingly distressed at how this child is treated, for starters they have no toys for him there this has upset the lady running the bnb so much she went and purchased toys for all the children staying there. He is forced to sit in front of the tv or sleep basically. but all that is pretty much nothing compared to the violence, id been there 3 days when she slapped him clean around the face full force because he was wriggling on her lap, this morning she wanted him to sit silently while she ate breakfast, he wasnt allowed any as he was naughty last night, he didnt sit still, hes 3 ffs. so she slapped him 5 times around the face after throwing him on the couch, my two started screaming and i left the room with them asking her partner to go see to his son.

this is daily, every evening he is forced to nap at around 5, she then screams at him all evening as he wont go to bed at 8, she had a pop at my two last night as they were talking in the hall and he was asleep, yet when theyre in bed at 7 hes allowed to roam and has even walked into our room shouting when theyre asleep, basically he is ignored and never being watched unless its to hurt or shout at him. It really does come accross as she doesnt like him, the dad seems terrified of her (dont blame him me and dp are) shes attacked him several times aswell. Recently she was away for a couple of days and the child was lovely with his dad and his dad is brilliant.

As well as this she has him in and out of the doctors claiming hes very ill etc, and then when he was ill with an ear infection didnt allow him to have the medication as shes overdosed him by accident before,

the problem is me and dp are terrfied of reporting her, something coming of it and her knowing its us, we have to live there, so does she. shes already been aggressive in words to my dcs, and im scared.

weve spoken to the owner and cleaner of the bnb and theyre reporting her, i think us also making a call would help this poor child, WWYD? do i stand a chance of horrible repurcusions?

sorry its so long.

OP posts:

wonkeydonkies · 23/03/2011 11:32

do i stand a chance of horrible repurcusions?

does it matter when a child's wellbeing is at stake?

Bloodymary · 23/03/2011 11:35

OMIGOD Report her. Stressing, of course, that you wish to remain anonymous.
If she threatens you, then it is a police matter.
There is a childs wellbeing at stake here!!!

KnittedBreast · 23/03/2011 11:35

the owners have made a complaint, their word will bear better than yours as its their place. I wouldnt lodge a complaint myself, its already been done now and you still have to live there.

at least his dad loves him, hopefully he will take care of him now

Original poster

JjandtheBeanlovesUnicorns · 23/03/2011 11:36

yes it does matter as my dcs have to live there.

Ive decided im ringing, as is dp. he just popped back and the toy the lady who runs the place brought him has been taken away as he was being annoying, when he told dp she shoved him into the table and swore at him alot. why are there people like this.

OP posts:

PhillipeFlop · 23/03/2011 11:37

Uh. I'd be on the phone now to be honest.

Original poster

JjandtheBeanlovesUnicorns · 23/03/2011 11:38

googling number as i type.

OP posts:

PhillipeFlop · 23/03/2011 11:38

Good. I know it's scary but that poor little boy needs someone to save him.

DaisyDaresYOU · 23/03/2011 11:39

That poor poor boy.I couldn't sit back and do nothing.This is abuse,if they do that in front of people what are they doing to him out of sight

Bloodymary · 23/03/2011 11:39

SOCIAL SERVICES......NOW!!!

Sorry for shouting, but that poor child.

Imnotaslimjim · 23/03/2011 11:39

I'd report it. Today. Now in fact. Fear shouldn't come into it, and I wouldn't care if she knew it was me. No child should have to live like that, what sort of life has he got?

I understand its a difficult situation, but you can't just leave it, no matter the repurcussions. If the owner and cleaner are reporting it anyway, she won't know who it was and you will probably be partially blamed anyway. So I would do it, and help his case

Good luck

fishtankneedscleaning · 23/03/2011 11:40

Of course you have to report her. You say you are afriad of repurcussions. That poor child has no choice than to live with this woman who thinks nothing of abusing him in public. Can you imagine what is happening behind closed doors??

Report her NOW!

Imnotaslimjim · 23/03/2011 11:40

Sorry, lots of replies before mine, keep your bottle and see it through

mrsjaja · 23/03/2011 11:40

Report it. You must do this........before he become another statistic. Poor wee man. ANd poor you and your dp etc. Bad enough to be put into BnB with two dc, but to have to endure this as well just isnt fair.

Hard for you to do, but better than reading about him being killed in the papers later.....

GeekCool · 23/03/2011 11:40

I'm surprised you've waited so long. One full force slap in the face would have been enough for me.

adelaidegirl · 23/03/2011 11:40

The more people who raise concerns, the more seriously it will be taken so I am glad you have also decided to call. Make a list of definite incidents to show/tell SS if you can. Also even if they do nothing straight away, continue to document everything and report your concerns

Original poster

JjandtheBeanlovesUnicorns · 23/03/2011 11:42

Just got the NSPCC number, is that where i go or direct to SS?

how fast are they going to act the bnb owner just rang and said the council have found them intentionally homeless and theyre leaving bnb a week friday, that child will homeless with that 'caring' for him

OP posts:

FoofffyShmoofffer · 23/03/2011 11:42

Please report this.
This little boys life sounds desperately sad.

Bloodymary · 23/03/2011 11:43

Just ring both NSPCC and SS. Well done.

GeekCool · 23/03/2011 11:44

Surely witnessing a violent act - shoving a child into a table - you could go straight to the police, who in turn can contact SS? The police have a duty of care to children too.

perfumedlife · 23/03/2011 11:45

God yes, please report her now. The poor wee boy. She sounds like a monster. maybe the ss will have previous complaints on file already, and act quickly.

thumbwitch · 23/03/2011 11:45

Sod the NSPCC - report her straight to social services, and I'd be tempted to call the police too if she is really damaging him. Just because he's a toddler doesn't make it NOT assault - she is battering him!

4FoxAche · 23/03/2011 11:45

Poor child.

Inwould ring straight through to social services. And quickly befor they leave and can't be found.

DaisyDaresYOU · 23/03/2011 11:46

Please give this little boy a voice.He cannot do it himself.

BaadRobot · 23/03/2011 11:47

Can you not just call the police? This is awful :(

BonzoDooDah · 23/03/2011 11:47

Oh god the poor child. Good on you for ringing. Tell the people you are reporting to about them leaving at the end of the week so they get some action quickly.

Good on you for acting and not assuming it is someone else's problem. Poor, poor child.

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