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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be suprised at neighbours attitude?

83 replies

Gemjar · 23/03/2011 10:33

I have a 4 month old baby and live in a terraced house. The only room that is directly next to the neighbours happens to be his nursery and he has recently been moved into it to sleep at night as he has outgrown his moses basket.

He wakes up on average once or twice in the night to be fed, his crying always wakes me up instantly and I go straight in and get him, he is never left crying for more than a minute but most nights I hear banging on the wall coming from next door as I pick him up.

I have decided not to raise this with next door as I don't want to start a row, but AIBU to be a little Shock at this. If I left him crying for ages throughout the night they might have a point but he really isn't that loud so I just don't get why they are doing it. I hear noises coming from their house such as doors closing etc, but that's just part of living in a terrace isn't it?

OP posts:
Hammy02 · 23/03/2011 10:37

If I was your neighbour I would really narked if you had chosen the only room that is directly next to my home to be the room you put your baby in. How would you like it if you had gone for years with uninterupted sleep and they woke you up twice a night?

CrevixAlopogies · 23/03/2011 10:40

Have you not tried he contened little baby routine yet? 4 months is a bit late but there's still time to sort him out beofre it's too late entirely.

saturdaygirl · 23/03/2011 10:44

I cannot believe how precious people on this site can be,suggesting that a baby should not be put into a room next to a neighbour's room in a terraced house and suggesting "contented little baby routine".

The baby is 4 months old FGS and is hungry. He is picked up within a minute.

Gemjar YADNBU, your neighbours are.

thesurgeonsmate · 23/03/2011 10:45

Yes, it's just part of living in a terrace. I think you're being really calm about it, I wouldn't take kindly to banging on the walls in this situation at all!

maxpower · 23/03/2011 10:45

YANBU - do your neighbours have children themselves? (I'm guessing not)

altinkum · 23/03/2011 10:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ecobatty · 23/03/2011 10:45

In a terraced house all rooms give onto another house - what exactly are they expecting?

I would actually raise it - but then I'm not too neighbourly.

Oh, and Crevix - prepare to be flamed. I would, but am bfing so will leave it to those with freer hands.

tryingtoleave · 23/03/2011 10:46

Yes, sort out your baby! If GF doesn't work you could always try a switch Hmm

coccyx · 23/03/2011 10:47

Quite normal for a 4 month old to wake in the night. Entitled to have whichever room suits you as a nursery.
They need to get a grip, bloody cheek. what will they do when said child is a noisy toddler or , god forbid , you have a baby and toddler.
surely living in a terraced property they should be more tolerant

tryingtoleave · 23/03/2011 10:48

X- post. Is ther no alternative to that room. Is there anyway to soundproof it?

Mishy1234 · 23/03/2011 10:49

YANBU OP. I would raise it with them tbh. I think they are being very rude.

As for the 'contented little baby routine'...it's a 4 month old baby who is crying out of need. No 'sorting out' required imo. OP is responding to her baby as she should.

mayorquimby · 23/03/2011 10:49

Yes but equally many people can't believe how people on here expect neighbours to be happy with their babies or childrens various noises and never say a peep.
It's much ado about nothing here.
I don't think the op is in the wrong and I don't think the neighbours have done anything particularly wrong.
If I was awoken twice a night then in a pissed off state at having been woken again I might very well bang on a wall. Also all we can be certain of is that the kid is being picked up a minute after the op hears them, not necessarily a minute after the crying starts so in some instances it may have been going on longer.
Now others may quite reasonably say that the neighbour should have a bit more patience/courtesy to a mum with a new baby and expect this kind of noise but equally one could say that the op should show more courtesy by not putting a baby who wakes twice a night in the only that is directly next to the neighbours house.
This is just one of the things that come with living next-door to others. You have to put up with others noises and sometimes you have to put up with your neighbours being pissed off at your noise.

TotorosOcarina · 23/03/2011 10:50

Ww you have more patience than me, I'd be banging right back with a broom!

tryingtoleave · 23/03/2011 10:51

What coccyx says is true. My two are way noisier at two and four years than as babies. It sounds like you will be having problems with these neighbours for years. Maybe you should try for a routine and leave your baby to cry for so long that it drives them away sooner rather than later.

haggis01 · 23/03/2011 10:51

YANBU for GS they could be living next door to someone who plays bass and jungle music all day and night (I have it was hell)or screams and shouts or be next to a flat whose washing machine and fridge buzz and hum all night long next to your bed.
I had an elderly neighbour who was a bit deaf and who turned their TV up shockingly loud late into the night, they also played very loud opera music in the bedroom next to mine- but she used to berate me if the children were playing in the garden and making any noise! Some people are just not nice - and many do not seem to like other people's children.

It is part of living in a terrace - I think if it disturbs them that much they should speak to you. they don't seem like very nice neighbours. Perhaps you could try a charm offensive and have them in for a coffee.

JaneS · 23/03/2011 10:51

YANBU.

Banging on the wall is wanky whatever the noise is. Doubly wanky when it's a baby. Which cries. Like babies do.

(I have no children and live in a block of flats with thin walls. It's the deal.)

Aims80 · 23/03/2011 10:52

It's a bit off them banging on the wall I have to say. Do you know them to speak to at all? If there's no way to swap the baby's room to the other side (which would surely disturb the neighbours on the other side anyway) then there's not a lot you can do!

If they do it again I'd go over and "apologise" in a rather passive aggresive way and say there's not a lot you can do short of gagging your baby! Maybe post some earplugs through their letter box, lol. No.. don't do that..

Original poster
Gemjar · 23/03/2011 10:53

I take your point about the room choice but he is in that room as it is the smallest, the two other bedrooms are doubles and DS1 is in one and me and dh are in the other, that just seemed the fairest way to do it. The crying doesn't ever seem to wake DH or DS and they are considerably closer than the neighbours.

Just googled the Contented Little Baby thing, it seems to assume that all babies are the same and will want to feed at exactly the same times every day, also DS2 has never napped as often during the day as much as she suggests. i'm sure that rigid routines work for some, but i'm not convinced myself

OP posts:
OliPolly · 23/03/2011 10:55

Your neighbours are nasty - its part and parcel of living in a terrace!

We hear our neighbours shagging, they bang their bed on to my 4yo DD bedroom wall. We have asked them to move their bed but they have said 'they will think about it'

We are getting used to it Blush

ragged · 23/03/2011 10:56

pmsl @ tryingtoleave.

BeerTricksPotter · 23/03/2011 10:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Chandon · 23/03/2011 10:58

I can see they'd be annoyed though, because they are woken up every night. In their cross sleep-interupted state I imagine them banging on the wall when they might well not do that sort of thing in daylight IYSWIM.

I had a neighbour who had insomnia and some kind of OCD who always started moving furniture around at 4 in the morning. In my exhaustion and stress I have definitely banged the walls! To then calm down a bit and try to have a "calm chat" about it during the day.

I think it would fair for THEM to say "It is what can be expected in terraced housing". But it's not up to you to say that. Just think, how would you feel if your baby is woken by noise from their house every time he settles down for sleep for example?

I think you are right to think that it IS a fact of living with neighbours, but I think your attitude should be apologetic rather than presenting yourself as the injured party.

Laquitar · 23/03/2011 11:01

You have nothing to sort out, it seems you are doing very well.

I agree with the other poster who said that some people are precious. I have sympathy for those who live next to drug dealers or similar but not much sympathy for those who moan about a baby or a birthday party. If you are so precious go and build your own house in the country.

Original poster
Gemjar · 23/03/2011 11:05

I don't really know the neighbours as they are quite new. If the crying was a real problem I would expect them to come round and speak to me about it, not bang on the baby's wall (not sure exactly what they expect him to do in response to that).

I might try and move his room around so that the cot is further away, but it is a VERY small room and so I doubt that it would make too much of a difference and I assure you that I wake up the second he starts crying, I am a light sleeper anyway and there must also be something hormonal about the sound of your children crying making your hearing more sensitive. Also more often than not I am woken a couple of minutes before him due to strong let down reflex.

OP posts:
SlightlyB0nkers · 23/03/2011 11:07

YANBU. And I think they should be the ones trying to soundproof their walls if they are bothered by a small bit of crying. People have babies, babies cry. Fact of life. They've no other way to communicate their needs so I'm a bit puzzeled by the "sort it out" comment.

Maybe they should change their bedroom, if they've no kids.

Personally, I'd ignore the banging. Unless they bring it up in person, then I'd say that the only reason dc cries is that he's afraid of the boogy man who is always banging on the wall.

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