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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be suprised at neighbours attitude?

83 replies

Gemjar · 23/03/2011 10:33

I have a 4 month old baby and live in a terraced house. The only room that is directly next to the neighbours happens to be his nursery and he has recently been moved into it to sleep at night as he has outgrown his moses basket.

He wakes up on average once or twice in the night to be fed, his crying always wakes me up instantly and I go straight in and get him, he is never left crying for more than a minute but most nights I hear banging on the wall coming from next door as I pick him up.

I have decided not to raise this with next door as I don't want to start a row, but AIBU to be a little Shock at this. If I left him crying for ages throughout the night they might have a point but he really isn't that loud so I just don't get why they are doing it. I hear noises coming from their house such as doors closing etc, but that's just part of living in a terrace isn't it?

OP posts:
bellaella16 · 23/03/2011 13:35

YANBU this is your baby and you are doing what your baby needs.

On a practical note to reduce stress of the situation, is it possible to put lots of soft cushions/carpet/curtains/soft toys etc in the room to help absorb the sound a little? This will really help 'soften' the sound. Enjoy your baby :)

blondepinhead · 23/03/2011 13:41

YANBU. We live in a Victorian terrace, when our neighbours had their DS a few years ago we could hear him crying sometimes at night because that's what babies do . It would never have occurred to us to bang on the wall, it sounds like someone next door gets unnecessarily angry and is very childish.

CLB eh? Biscuit

Abcinthia · 23/03/2011 13:44

YANBU. I thought a bit of noise was expected in terrace house. I can hear practically everything my next door neighbours do, including sex and alarm clocks but I'd never dream of banging on a wall.

valiumredhead · 23/03/2011 14:30

YANBU Your baby will grow up and stop crying, they will still be grumpy feckers! Grin

Original poster
Gemjar · 23/03/2011 15:26

Lol at some of the comments Grin

I think that I have come to the conclusion that I should carry on ignoring them. I suspect that maybe the banging is coming from a teenage/young adult male - If the layout of their house is the same as ours then the connecting room won't be the master bedroom and so is likely to be occupied by a younger person. Like I said they are fairly new and I have only met a woman who introduced herself when she moved in, so not sure who else lives there.

I have only recently moved DS out of our room and I did give it a lot of thought as I am aware of the SIDS guidelines, however he really is too big for the moses basket and the only travel cot we have is a pop up tent thingy and so not really suitable for him to sleep in all the time, also there really isn't room for his cot in with us.

He has taken to moving really well and sleeps brilliantly. Although he does wake up once or twice to be fed, he doesn't wake up for any other reason and i certainly wouldn't describe him as a wakeful baby.

I am certainly not going to buy them wine just because I have a baby that cries occasionally, but neither am I going to be confrontational about it as I realise that they may be very light sleepers and DS waking disturbs them. In time he will stop waking in the night and hopefully by then we will have moved anyway.

I have carpets btw, we only rent so the flooring isn't really down to me in this house but I do think that wooden floors in a terrace IBU as I had a friend who had a massive problem with her neighbours clomping around their house all the time when they got rid of their carpets.

OP posts:
TotemPole · 23/03/2011 15:32

LOL at stick egg cartons on the wall to soundproof, I really hope this was meant as a joke.

I'm afraid I was serious.Blush

But just had a look on the internet and there's some controversy as to whether it works or not.

Google egg cartons soundproofing it even comes up in the drop down suggestions as you type.

Makingaminime · 23/03/2011 15:34

Cut out a For Sale ad featuring a lovely detached villa in its own grounds. Post it through their letterbox with your regards.

If they don't want to put up with neighbour-being-perfectly-reasonable noises, THEY are the ones who should be doing something about it. Its not like you are having raves late into the night.

MNs really opens my eyes to how farking rude people can be!

microserf · 23/03/2011 16:18

Late to the thread, but something I feel passionately about! i also live in a victorian terrace. on one side, we have 4 sharers who frequently have parties. some have finished as late as 7am. we've never complained as they aren't that frequent and sicne the first few, there is less noise from drunk people smoking outside now. i suspect they'll get worse again in summer.

anyway, our tolerance was well rewarded as they banged on the wall all night the night i brought ds home from the hospital and my dd was scared by his crying, so cried herself. NOW she is scared of the other side of her wall.

if they do it again, i will jolly well go next door and have it out.

my baby is with us on the other side, and the neighbours on that side have never once complained. they have kids themselves, so i suspect that is why.

in summary, your neighbour are pricks. babies crying are part of living in a terrace.

and FFS, some of the comments on this thread are unbelieveable.

electra · 23/03/2011 16:20

It's your house, you can put your baby in whichever room you choose. The neighbours are being twats.

microserf · 23/03/2011 16:22

erm just realised my post is inconsistent, should be "regularly" have parties. but as they are down from 2 a month to 1, it is not as bad as it was.

emmie31 · 23/03/2011 16:30

We live in the middle of 2 houses, and you are absolutely right noise is part of living in a terrace, our baby was teething all night on monday screaming her head off for hours, the neighbours were bound to hear her but that's life, I hear them banging doors, coughing, their dog whinging even the toilet flushing but that is also tough. Babies cry its a fact of life and I certainly wouldn't be happy with them banging on the wall, they sound rather unpleasent.

carabos · 23/03/2011 17:08

We live in a terrace and our neighbours have had two babies in the time we have lived here. They let both scream (and I mean scream) for 30-40 minutes at a time during the night and early in the mornings - this has been going on for five years and I have never once mentioned it despite having been woken almost every night / morning in that time. On the other hand, they bang on the wall when my son is practising his saxophone at tea time...

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 23/03/2011 17:20

Do you think the lad might be the woman you met's ds? I'd talk to her - she might not even know that he's doing this and tell him off on your behalf.

gorionine · 23/03/2011 17:26

"If I was your neighbour I would really narked if you had chosen the only room that is directly next to my home to be the room you put your baby in."

Not always possible to accomodate the neighbours though, we have a 2 bed terraced and the only room our babies would not have disturbed anyone would have been the bathroom, not really ideal as a nurserySmile

I think banging on you wall is silly, it is only going to stress you more which your baby will feel and is likely to make it harder for him/her to settle back to sleep, even with you around.

valiumredhead · 23/03/2011 17:38

Dear me OP, could you not put your baby in the West wing until they are 21 so as not to disturb the neighbours Wink

nomoreheels · 23/03/2011 17:40

This is making me smile, as my nursery for DD to be (due start of June) is next to the master bedroom of the terrace next door, where the owner has moved out and put in lots of lodgers including one in the second lounge.

I have no qualms about my baby crying and possibly being heard by the lodger in that bedroom, because he currently loves to sit up there all day long smoking out the window, listening to cheesy old rock radio at full volume with the windows wide open. I haven't said anything yet as DD may well be making noise herself, although I plan to have her with me in a moses basket at night at first. But you can bet that if he dares to say owt I will not be pulling any punches about his own noise!

DevonDumplin · 23/03/2011 17:45

We (childless) live in a rather compact block surrounded by families of up to 20 people crammed into other 2 bed flats, we hear babies crying from one direction or another ALL night! This is fine however beacuse we foresaw this when we moved here. It sounds to me like you're doing a pretty good job, no 'controlled crying' at all hours. And if your neighbours didn't want family noise they should never have bought a terrace.

Deciduousblonde · 23/03/2011 17:51

I live in a terraced house and have nothing against little babies crying in the night..it's to be expected and as I have raised my own children in this house I am sure my neighbours have heard them.

However I have a 3 year old living next door who wakes up at midnight and is awake for the duration. Not a problem of course..unless you take into consideration the fact that the whole family gets up with him & plays with the lil blighter..taking various toys away from him which makes him yell & scream at the top of his voice. Every flipping night.

I'm knackered :(

Can't wait to get started excavating the kitchen at all hours though :)

CotswoldCountryMummy · 23/03/2011 17:58

at risk of being burnt at the stake, i'm an advocate of the Contented Little Baby routine. We put Flo on it when she was 3 weeks old, and within 48 hours she was sleeping through the night (with me waking her in a dark nursery for feeds at 10pm and 2.30am) SHe is an exceptionally happy baby, and has been from an early age, as i believe there is comfort in routine. She knows what to expect and is happy. I really don't understand the furore about putting babies in a routine. It's all very well for mid wives and health workers to urge you to demand feed and let baby dictate how much sleep you get. But where are they when baby is 5 months old and you are so tired that you're on the verge of a nervous breakdown? They're gone - you don't see them for dust. They have a lot to answer for in my opinion. My friends mother is a mat.nurse and very much in the Gina Ford mind-set. My best friend was having a hellish time with her baby, who was just crying all night and sleeping all day. I suggested she enlisted the help of Lucy (the mat.nurse), who went over the next day. (The baby was 4 months at this point), and guess what? Within 2 days, Rose was sleeping through the night, and happy being fed every 4 hours. Worked a charm. I do think a lot of people are gluttons for punishment.

CotswoldCountryMummy · 23/03/2011 17:59

at risk of being burnt at the stake, i'm an advocate of the Contented Little Baby routine. We put Flo on it when she was 3 weeks old, and within 48 hours she was sleeping through the night (with me waking her in a dark nursery for feeds at 10pm and 2.30am) SHe is an exceptionally happy baby, and has been from an early age, as i believe there is comfort in routine. She knows what to expect and is happy. I really don't understand the furore about putting babies in a routine. It's all very well for mid wives and health workers to urge you to demand feed and let baby dictate how much sleep you get. But where are they when baby is 5 months old and you are so tired that you're on the verge of a nervous breakdown? They're gone - you don't see them for dust. They have a lot to answer for in my opinion. My friends mother is a mat.nurse and very much in the Gina Ford mind-set. My best friend was having a hellish time with her baby, who was just crying all night and sleeping all day. I suggested she enlisted the help of Lucy (the mat.nurse), who went over the next day. (The baby was 4 months at this point), and guess what? Within 2 days, Rose was sleeping through the night, and happy being fed every 4 hours. Worked a charm. I do think a lot of people are gluttons for punishment.

valiumredhead · 23/03/2011 18:03

Babies who do well on GF's routines are babies who would probably sleep through anyway imo. Not all babies are the same and therefore shouldn't be treated the same. As adults we all have different sleep patterns, so do babies.

SooooCynical · 23/03/2011 18:05

My neighbours did this when I had my eldest. I had no choice where to put him as both bedrooms adjoined the neighbours bedrooms. They would be banging within seconds of his first cry. It was really stressful made all the more annoying be the fact I had not complained once that every weekend I had to put with them getting pissed, deciding 2am was a great time to pretend to be Johnny Cash (record on loud with them warbling away full blast) followed by an enthusiastic sex session at about 3am (lots of OMG! OMG! and the headboard banging against our shared wall!!)

CotswoldCountryMummy · 23/03/2011 18:07

i imagine there's an element of truth in that - if and when we have another one, it might not work at all, but i do think it's beneficial to try to guide a bay into a routine, otherwise you have a child awake at 2am wanting to play games, and that can't be fun!

Gottakeepchanging · 23/03/2011 18:11

All babies are different. My fed on demand baby slept through the night from 5 days old. No Gina ford!

PrincessScrumpy · 23/03/2011 18:27

Pop some ear plugs through the door!

I live in a terrace and neighbour has two dogs that bark lots (I know this as I hear them when I'm outside and basically it's everytime someone walks passed. I have never heard them in the house. Equally, neighbours always told me dd must be such a content little thing as she never cries. Hmmmm, well she had colic and actually cried almost non-stop for 4 months.

I'd be banging back - if they don't have the decency to speak to you (not sure how you stop a young baby crying) but you could at least reassure them it won't be forever, then I think they lose the right to you being helpful.

You shouldn't have to soundproof a room or change bedrooms - you haven't bought your teen a drum kit!

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