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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

or am I right to think this mum is just being lazy and taking an unnecessary risk?

83 replies

maxpower · 20/03/2011 09:32

DD is in reception. A classmate of hers lives 2 doors away from the school. However, to get to the school, the classmate has to walk up 3 sets of stairs (so ends up out of view of her house), through a wooded area with a public footpath running through it and round to the rear of the school building to get to the playground (from where the children go in to class). Her mum 'allows' her to do this journey alone. On a couple of occasions, other mums of children in the class have kept an eye on the girl as there are a few of us who think it's not safe for her to be doing this joureny alone. The girl is barely 4 1/2 and is very small for her age. Mum only has one child, she doesn't work and has no physical problems preventing her walking. I'm sure she only comes to collect her in the afternoon because the school wouldn't let the girl leave without an adult meeting her. It just strikes me that she's too lazy to do what has to be the shortest school run imaginable.

OP posts:
hairylights · 20/03/2011 09:35

Yanbu. That child is being put in the way of potential serious danger.

CheerfulYank · 20/03/2011 09:40

YANBU, and I'm not one to "coddle" children. She's too small.

beesimo · 20/03/2011 09:45

YANBU I would intervene in this suitation you will probably get called a'nosy bitch'ect but so what. She is being a crap Mam and a is due a kick up her lazy backside

itisnotgoingwelltoday · 20/03/2011 09:50

The mother should get her lazy behind out of bed and take the child to school - she is too wee to be doing that by herself.

YANBU

itisnotgoingwelltoday · 20/03/2011 09:51

Oh I agree with Beesimo - Grin that's a first Wink

kreecherlivesupstairs · 20/03/2011 09:52

Normally I would say you were over reacting, but 4.6? Far too young to be doing it.
Have a word either with the mum or school staff. Lazy mare should shake her stumps and walk her DD to school.

Northernlurker · 20/03/2011 09:54

If she could see the child from the house the whole time I would have no issue with this but she can't. Abduction is a tiny risk, a much more substantial risk is that she could trip on the steps and hurt herself or wander off thus putting her at risk from traffic. 4.5 is far oo young to deal with that number of variables. You cannot trust a child that young to be responsible for herself. An 8yr old - yes ok, but under that age no.
Why don't you speak to the head of the school - they can raise a concern with mum as to why se's arriving alone and point out this is unsafe.

giraffesCantDanceWhileSober · 20/03/2011 09:54

That age seems too young, they regularly trip up at that age especially if running!

justpaddling · 20/03/2011 09:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

upyourdiva · 20/03/2011 09:55

YANBU, I am all for freedom with children but not when they are out view at that age!

Is it possible though that the mum just pressumed that she would be walking with you as you live so close?

Not excusing it, if this is what she thinks then she should've spoken to you about it atleast. Some people just rely on others to look out for their child. :(

Could she walk with you?

Could you approach the mother and just say that you notcied 'X' walking to school alone and ask if she would like you to take her with you as you are a bit worried about her walking through the woods by herself?

That way it does not come across as 'nosy' but gives the point at the same time.

Skinit · 20/03/2011 09:58

The OP shouldn't have to walk with the child...it's not her responsibility upyourdiva.

Tell the HT OP. Defo. If somehing happened it would be TERRIBLE. The school won't see it as interfering....the child is practically a baby.

upyourdiva · 20/03/2011 10:00

I know it's not her responsibility but I am a soft touch and if it were me I would have to ask if it were on my route.

Admittedly I do need to toughen up though as DS tsrtas school in August...

MillsAndDoom · 20/03/2011 10:04

I'm like upyourdiva in that I would offer to walk child in if there was a reason that the Mother couldn't.

Problem is, what happens if the OPs DD isn't in school that day? Who would be looking out for the litle girl then?

new2cm · 20/03/2011 10:04

I once 'interfered' or 'stuck my nose'. Although unfortunately because no one did anything about it, the worse did happen.

Whilst everyone questioned themselves as to why they did nothing, I did not have that guilt. However, I did have that helpless sad feeling that I did everything I could have possibly done.

YANBU and good luck to you if you try to do something to help, but remember that despite our best endeavours, there is sometimes nothing we can do.

DilysPrice · 20/03/2011 10:10

Apart from all the other risks wooded area = dog walkers and an unaccompanied 4 year old is quite capable of getting herself bitten by running over to cuddle a big fluffy Alsatian.

plopplopquack · 20/03/2011 10:14

I would tell the school and let them deal with it.

OnEdge · 20/03/2011 10:18

New2cm sorry, I am being a nosey bitch now, can you tell us what happened? I am intrigued.

OnEdge · 20/03/2011 10:20

maxpower You could be really horrid and teach her a lesson. Ring up the Mum half an hour after school starts and pretend to be a teacher and ask why the little girl is no present today.

Shock is that really awful ? Am I sick to have thought that ?

beesimo · 20/03/2011 10:26

MAXPOWER That would by a truly evil and wicked thing to do. I would confront her about it but that is going beyond the beyonds.

Yes you must be a bit sick

beesimo · 20/03/2011 10:33

Lasst part of post was aimed at OnEdge sorry MAXPOWER

Violethill · 20/03/2011 10:34

Yanbu- inform the school. The mother must be extremely lazy, or possibly depressed if she really doesn't bother to walk her child a couple of doors away. Most primary schools don't actually have the pupils in til about 8.45 so its not exactly an early start is it?? And it makes me wonder whether the child is also having to get herself up and fed? As you say the mother isn't working,and has just this one child,and isn't even managing to walk her to school, tbh depression is the thing that springs to mind.

new2cm · 20/03/2011 10:34

Unfortunately I cannot go into details on a national open forum such as Mumsnet Talk but the gist of it was that a 6 year old had a serious accident (ambulance + A&E + long recovery etc) and IMO it was preventable. However, when I raised the issue, I was instructed to "butt out" and "it's none of your business" by the people who had more authority than me to do something about it.

The thing is, there was a sort of enquiry into the accident, and the usual "lessons to be learnt to avoid this sort of thing happening again". I was a little bit Angry because I had warned people IYSWIM but no one took any notice. It was a good thing I had written an e-mail because when I pointed it out, one person claimed that I had not!

It was one of the most unpleasant feelings. A typical 'dammned if you do and damned if you don't' and at one point, I heard myself thinking, "next time, you claim ignorance and look the other way like the others."

Hence my sympathy with the OP.

Jdore · 20/03/2011 10:39

Why haven't the school noticed this though, when ds was this age the staff made sure someone was there to collect the children, does that not happen in infant schools now?

TidyDancer · 20/03/2011 10:40

As has already been pointed out, if the mother could see the little girl all the way along her route, I might be saying YABU, but since she clearly can't, YANBU.

Very lazy mother and someone really does need to say something.

MigratingCoconuts · 20/03/2011 10:40

tell the school!! This is a child protection issue....no doubt about it.

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