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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To get annoyed at people saying our parents had it easier?

138 replies

lesley33 · 20/03/2011 09:08

A recurrent theme in some posts is how much easier our parents had things. I am 43 and I don't think my parents had it easier than me.

I know a small number of people who bought houses in the 60's and 70's made money, but most people had it far harder than we do. Just a few things that were harder in 60's and 70's:

  • no maternity leave until 1979
  • no paternity leave
  • standard working week included saturday morning
  • two weeks annual leave was standard
  • much much more overcrowding in houses
  • many many houses had no inside toilet or bathroom
  • common to have no central heating
  • low car ownership
  • very few children went to university
  • narrow range of food available

Those who were parents then may be able to add more things. You may think one of the plus points is that many women stayed at home with the children. I have read that almost all of the growth in living standards since the 70's is fuelled by women working.

So you could stay at home and look after your children if you are happy to have a 70's standard of living.

OP posts:
BaggedandTagged · 20/03/2011 11:24

I think it really really sucked to be about 22 in 1939 because then you had to be in the war for 6 years, by the time you got out almost your whole twenties had disappeared and you had 10 years of post-war austerity to look forward to.

By contrast, if you were born just post-war, you got to be an adult at exactly the right time to cash in on the economic boom.

noodle69 · 20/03/2011 11:25

'
By contrast, if you were born just post-war, you got to be an adult at exactly the right time to cash in on the economic boom.'

Exactly my parents were born early 50s so could cash in on being low educated but live a really flash lifestyle with loads on benefits. I dont think that will ever happen again unfortunately.

tyler80 · 20/03/2011 11:26

Likewise, my parents were born 1947 and 1950

ShinyMoonInAPurpleSky · 20/03/2011 11:28

My mum was convinced that all you had to do to get a job was tell them you would work for free for a week to let them see if they liked you and that is it. That's all she ever had to do in the 70's, took us a while to convince her that it's not like that now. And Her headteacher found all the school leavers their first jobs.

oldbatteryhen · 20/03/2011 11:30

I am one of the lucky generation born in the late 50s:

Opportunity and expectation as to go to uni.
Government sponsored uni education (means tested)
I didn't expect to get a car when I passed my test and was quite happy with this - used public transport
No CH, but knew no different.
No expectations of designer or fancy presents throughout my childhood and adolescence - knew no different so it didn't matter.
Mum+dad own house, unlike their parents
Massive leaps in technology when I was working and could afford new 'toys'
Massive social change that made society fairer (racism, homosexuality, women's rights in particular)
Mindset that abhors any kind of debt
Paid off mortgage through a legacy (because pil owned their house)
Antibiotics / innoculation / NHS
Child benefit

I'm sure I can think of more.... but yes, I have led a charmed life.

feeblephoebe · 20/03/2011 11:33

my dad definitely didnt have it easier, he worked blue collar job about 50 odd hours a week, shifts for 50 years, retired then died a couple of years later :(

i remember my mum washing clothes with a mangle and cleaning out the grate every morning

no, they definitely didnt have it easier

when i had my kids, my OH was made redundant when i was pregnant and had a toddler, he went out next day and knocked on doors to get a job. Even though he was skilled, he got a job as a milkman. It was either that or lose our house, no Govt handouts then and interest rates were 16%!

I stayed at home and didnt get a penny extra to look after my own children, as it should be. If I wanted to work, which I did part time when they were school aged, I paid for the costs out of my wages, as it should be, no govt handouts then.

saggarmakersbottomknocker · 20/03/2011 11:39

I think the whole - 'you have/had it better the me' is why we're in the state we're in TBH.

No-one is happy with what they've got anymore. As a society we've become a greedy bunch with a massive sense of entitlement.

LittleWhiteWolf · 20/03/2011 11:41

My parents got married in 1979 and bought their first house in Leicester for £8000. I'm massively jealous of that!
However after having my sister and I in the 80s and my dad getting a really good job so my mum could be a SAHM we found ourselves in Kent in the early 90s in a huge house that took them to the brink (I only learned this later). Due to chance my dad took an oppotunity to move abroad which saved him from his massive debt and bankruptcy. I'm not jealous of this!

My mum is very unhappy about the fact that my sister and I are stuck in rented accomodation instead of buying, but tbh if both of us had been a bit more sensible when we lived at home and saved more of our wages, we could have made deposits to get on the housing ladder.

I dont know if THAT much has really changed, but at least there are more oppotunities and benefits for me as a woman and a mum than my mum had. I'm grateful for that.

Lizcat · 20/03/2011 11:42

They had it different my Dad survived the a German fighter shooting at him as him Mum pushed him down the street in his pram, he then caught polio and on recovering when the physio said swimming would be good his parents made him cycle 3miles to the pool and 3 miles back at the age of 6. He then worked very long hours rarely seeing us to feed our family and buy a house.
My Mum watched several of her family catch typhoid and be very ill. She was expected from a fairly young age to expect to care for her elderly grandmother. She felt she had no option, but to give up her career on getting married and subsequently had babies as she was bored.
They were born in 1941 and 1948.

talkingnonsense · 20/03/2011 11:43

At 43, maybe your parents didn't have it easier. But if you were 33, they might well have! Young enough to have had a dishwasher, but old enough to have free university and reasonable house prices. Also I believe statistically, social mobility in the uk increased after ww2 but has fallen back over the last 30 years, which might affect how easy people perceive their lives.

diddl · 20/03/2011 11:45

Well, I think like everything, it´s circumstances tbh.

My parents had a mortgage on just Dad´s wage-the woman´s earnings weren´t taken into consideration-Dad happened to be on a good enough wage.

He often did overtime to make things easier though.

Flip side-FIL in a low paid job & had MIL not had the savings she did, he wouldn´t have been given a mortgage.

They bought a 2 bed bungalow & just had one child as they couldn´t afford a 3 bed if they had a daughter after my husband.

BaggedandTagged · 20/03/2011 11:49

"At 43, maybe your parents didn't have it easier. But if you were 33, they might well have! "

Agree- timing is everything. However, I think from hereon in, living standards in the UK may well decline, so our children could well think we had it very easy, although this could also be offset by house price corrections. Who knows? All any of us can do is play the hand we're dealt to the best of our abilities.

MickyLee · 20/03/2011 11:49

Can't agree more sag

The Uk is all status now. My DSister has been married for a while and wants to start a family, but only once they manage to build an extention on their 4 bed detached home!! They drive 2 very nice brand new cars and always buying new expensive clothes. They go out every weekend and spend a fortune.

She drives me crazy as everytime I talk to her, she moans about not having enough money.

When I ask about when they will try for a baby, she says she can't afford too.

She bloody could if they stop trying to keep up with the Jones and maybe swopped one 40,000 pound car for a little chep runaround!

But that is just my sister and ofcourse not everyone is in that situation

noodle69 · 20/03/2011 11:52

'Can't agree more sag

The Uk is all status now. My DSister has been married for a while and wants to start a family, but only once they manage to build an extention on their 4 bed detached home!! They drive 2 very nice brand new cars and always buying new expensive clothes. They go out every weekend and spend a fortune.

She drives me crazy as everytime I talk to her, she moans about not having enough money.
'

I dont think it is like that here. Most people I know earn minimum wage or close to even if they are managers with a lot of responsibility. Its the county its just the way it is. Again a lot of people have kids in bedsits/1 or 2 bed flats. Not many have central heating. I dont know anyone that wears designer clothes. I dont know anyone that drives a brand new car who isnt my parents generation thats for sure.

We dont get any help except for with childcare as we are flat owners. I think it you try and do the right thing and support yourself it isnt rewarded. Its just the way it is. I dont think I have entitlment or my friends. I would love to live a place with a bath though but it is very unrealistic until I am probably in my 40s!

diddl · 20/03/2011 11:54

"As a society we've become a greedy bunch with a massive sense of entitlement."

I agree-everyone wants their "forever" home as the first one they buy-with a new kitchen, bathroom, flooring & furniture!

There have always been people who can´t afford to buy a house.

But renting/council housing seems very difficult to access also now.

tyler80 · 20/03/2011 11:55

"Timing is everything"

This

Even more recently than the example we're talking about timing is everything. In this area there was a huge jump in house prices around 2000. Those who managed to buy before this are far better off than those who bought after. But it wasn't a considered decision for these people to buy before 2000, just luck with timing, they met their husband/wife at the right time and had ok jobs so were in a position to buy.

expatinscotland · 20/03/2011 11:55

My mother definitely had it easier, and a far better standard of living, and full admits that.

She didn't need mat leave as she didn't work outside the home after she fell pregnant.

She had help, didn't need my dad to have paternity leave.

Had a lovely house and has always had a new car.

noodle69 · 20/03/2011 12:01

'
I agree-everyone wants their "forever" home as the first one they buy-with a new kitchen, bathroom, flooring & furniture!'

No I would never purchase any of that. Its silly. I think we are coming from totally different perspectives though as my area is in the top 5% most deprived areas of the uk. Going to stop now cause I am getting worked up lol.

All I think is its silly that flat prices in one of the most socially deprived areas are now on double what my parents bought for a house is an affluent area 11 years ago.

lesley33 · 20/03/2011 12:11

I do think many things started to get easier from late 70's on. Although I remember lots of people in negative equity and mortgage interest rates of 15%.

OP posts:
MickyLee · 20/03/2011 12:13

noodle Of course you are right and my sister isn't the average. But I do think in general people are more greedy. I suppose we have more on offer these days.

Don't get worked up :) The answer depends on your parents lifesytle when they had young children and your lifestyle now.

lesley33 · 20/03/2011 12:18

In the 60's most people worked saturday morning.

Some groups of people did have it easier then because their jobs were higher status and paid more ien the past e.g. bank employees, teachers, etc.

And i guess mums net is skewed because most people on here seem to come from well of backgrounds.

But in the 60's and 70's most people lived in rented accommodation, they could not affoed to buy their own house. There was little debt from banks, but provident and pawn shops were common sources of debt for ordinary people.

OP posts:
lady007pink · 20/03/2011 12:18

I believe I've been lucky, and have it easier than my children will.

I had free uni education, and out of it got a permanent pensionable public sector job with 6 weeks annual leave.

We got a mortgage based mainly on my husband's wage (might sound sexist bit I think this was great as the system of basing it on a second wage is what has driven up the cost of houses!) just before the property boom, and paid off all the mortgage in a few years.

I have it easier than my parents had - they lived in a cold damp farmhouse with no CH, there was no disposable nappies, no dishwasher, a clapped out twintub washing machine and no phone, mum was SAHM and hated her mundane life. They had a car, but it was only kept "for emergencies", so we walked or cycled everywhere.

noodle69 · 20/03/2011 12:23

'but provident and pawn shops were common sources of debt for ordinary people'

I suppose that is no different to now as provy loans are still very popular also love2shop vouchers so you can buy your xmas dinner. Thats what most people do nowadays so it hasnt really changed. Furniture from the pawn shop, selling your stuff and buying it back for the bills and we have loads of places that do that here. Pay day loans (what a rip off) but its what a lot of people have to do to be able to eat and pay the bills in this expensive times.

GettinganIcyGrip · 20/03/2011 12:41

I think some things are easier now and some were easier then.

It was very difficult for women to leave abusive marriages even twenty years ago as there were no tax credits etc. I know this as that was me! So many women were stuck in these dreadful relationships with no-where to go.

Many women worked part time, or not at all, as their own tax depended on their husband's earnings so sometimes there was no point to them working if it took the couple over the threshold that led to up to 90% tax rates. I know people for whom this applied relatively recently.

My family was probably unusual in that both my parents worked, I was born late 50s. But we had no CH and no car for a while. Also no telephone and no TV.

My parents had it harder than me in some ways, as my father escaped from E Europe and his family lost everything, and my mother was from an enormous mining family in a tiny rented house, which affected both their mental healths.

We did not live anywhere near to our extended families who were and are spread across the globe, which was also unusual in those times.

We all suffered from what I now recognise as racist bullying from the people of the small town we lived in when I was growing up. My parents bought their own house when I was young, but they had to work abroad for many years in a third world country to manage this.

My father died relatively young which I think was due to his difficult early life, but my mother is very elderly and has a good pension.

I have my own house, but my parents have been able to help me with this, but only due to their hard work. But then I have worked for over thirty years so I think I have earned it. I have always worked, never had any time off for two children.

I have no pension to speak of, and my children face huge university debt and uncertain futures.

I think each generation has its own pluses and minuses. My father's early life was horrendous, and I feel grateful not to have to go through that. I would hope that my children would never see their home torched and their neighbours shot dead.

I had nothing material at all in my childhood. In many ways I think that was a good thing as I have no interest now in material wealth, except to earn enough to have more coming in than goes out!

GettinganIcyGrip · 20/03/2011 12:53

Oh and I have just lost seven years of state pension as my age of retirement has been shoved up from 60 to 67.