To get annoyed at people saying our parents had it easier?

[lesley33]

A recurrent theme in some posts is how much easier our parents had things. I am 43 and I don't think my parents had it easier than me.

I know a small number of people who bought houses in the 60's and 70's made money, but most people had it far harder than we do. Just a few things that were harder in 60's and 70's:

• no maternity leave until 1979
• no paternity leave
• standard working week included saturday morning
• two weeks annual leave was standard
• much much more overcrowding in houses
• many many houses had no inside toilet or bathroom
• common to have no central heating
• low car ownership
• very few children went to university
• narrow range of food available

Those who were parents then may be able to add more things. You may think one of the plus points is that many women stayed at home with the children. I have read that almost all of the growth in living standards since the 70's is fuelled by women working.

So you could stay at home and look after your children if you are happy to have a 70's standard of living.

I think that what our parents had they we often don't is security.

They were more likely to have job security, to be able to afford to buy their own homes, not be in as much debt...

At the moment, the only thing a person starting out in life can be sure of is debt!

I think the biggest difference is that she had higher expectations on her to keep a perfect house: I have found it easier to let the house go and concentrate on my own career, she would have loved that too, but felt too bad about it.

My mother never had that. Our house was a tip lol

My expectations of life aren't bound up in the size of my house either bitch (Seems rude calling you that!) but my parents took it for granted that they would be able to afford a house generous enough to fit whatever size family they chose on one salary from the outset, and deem my generation as feckless when it takes them a few moves to get there.

So in my case, my parents had it easier on all counts. I don't get het up about it though, DH and I are very happy with our lot and are very lucky. We have plans.

I was forced to lie on my back to have dd in 2001. It was agony.

lol my parents lives were & are much easier than ours!

They were university drop-out hippies, travelled the hippy trail over India, came back to the UK & lived in a succession of communes & small holdings & had lots of children (all home birthed, extended breastfed, organic vegan) and a run of hair-brained (but profitable) business ideas. They had a fabulous time & we had an amazing childhood.

Despite all this they were never car-less, mum didn't work outside the home, never overcrowded, no debts, no commutes. Paid for private education. Made an awful lot of money on property speculation - they are in their late 50s now with no mortgage, they work for themselves (could retire if they wanted to), have savings, holidays abroad, new cars etc etc.

We're the ones (3 out of 4 siblings who've left home) living in overcrowded houses with no central heating & we all have professional degrees and mostly proper jobs!

We could of had it better if dad had been a nicer person and more committed to helping his family.
We could of bought our large 3 bed council house in a village with large garden for about 1K not long after we moved there in the 70's but he would rather rent. House now would be worth at least 175K.

Instead he worked hard but squirreled his money away, swapped jobs often to evade tax and was on the whole very mean with money. even so we were always well fed, although there was never any extras, decently clothed and pretty warm. I think it helped that there was a lot local, our village had a great butchers, a fruit and veg shop and a good local shop.

In comparison my uncle bought his house for 2K, now worth in excess of 200K and took his family away on holiday every year, upgraded the house when it needed and put one child through Uni. He is now retiring on a relatively good pension.

Some people managed very well and have continued to manage well, some didn't take the opportunity and are now suffering badly due to the way that the economy is.

I'm a bit older than the OP and much in her post rings true.

Materialistically had very little in comparison to today's families and my mum worked physically harder than me - we had no fridge so she had to shop everday, on foot as we had no car. Cleaning was harder because it was all done by hand; you couldn't load the washer and walk away. But they also had maassive family support because families lived closer together - we lived necxt door to one set of GPs and two streets away from the other.

However despite being way poorer than we are they bought their own home when I was 8 or so on only one wage. Consumer pressure and media driven conformity is massive now, I don't think my parents felt that it any shape or form.

We might have it harder but we brought/bring it on ourselves in many ways.

I think it depends on your age - but my parents did have it easier in most ways.

I'm 33 and my parents were able to survive on one wage, their mortgage was small, they had no other debts as their education was completely free, including university maintenance grants, my dad went into a "job for life" straight from university and has taken early retirement in his fifties on a pension far better than my actual salary! My mum was able to be a stay-at-home mum for many years (her choice).

I don't agree with the picture the OP paints. Growing up, we weren't rich, but I didn't know ANYONE with an outside toilet, all my friends had central heating, I didn't know anyone who worked Saturdays (in fact in general working conditions were much more 9-5 than they are now, you certainly didn't get people working from home in the evening the way we do now). My Dad had 5 weeks annual leave. It's true that maternity leave provisions were worse, but then since most families could survive on one wage, many women chose to be SAHMs.

The only thing I agree with is that there was a more "narrow range of food available" and even then - so what?

My dad is very open that he thinks my generation has a crap hand, and that our kids generation will have an even worse one - I think he feels his generation took advantage of free education, maintenance grants, great pensions etc, and then pulled the ladder up behind them. Not the fault of individuals - and I certainly don't blame him - but it sucks for our kids.

Im 46 and nothing in the OP rings true for us.

I think my mum and dad definitely have it easier. My dad got made a redundant from a job that requires only an NVQ and he has been on a public sector amount of cash since his early 40s for the rest of his life. Then he got another job and his public sector pension is going to be very substantial.

They could afford to live in an actual house as first time buyers!!! Also they had kids in a real house which is rare to be able to afford that to nowadays. That is just mental and totally unrealistic nowadays. Most people I know have kids in a 1 or 2 bed flat if buying. Also houses are ridiculously expensive now compared to wages. It is rare to find a job with a proper pension now.

The best thing about now though is tax credits towards childcare. I think that is amazing and am truly thankful for that.

'no maternity leave until 1979

this is obviously improved

• no paternity leave

and this but not many people can afford to take this ime.

• standard working week included saturday morning

most people work saturdays/weekends and unsociable ours now as we are in a 24/7 world

• two weeks annual leave was standard

dont know about this but my parents get loads and loads of leave as public sector workers. Normal jobs dont get this.

• much much more overcrowding in houses

my mum and dad bought a real house on trainee wages in the 70s. That is unrealistic nowadays.

• many many houses had no inside toilet or bathroom

theres did and realistically i would do a poo on the road if it meant i could have a real house lol.

• common to have no central heating

it is very rare to have central heating in my area even in 2011. This is the first place I have lived in that has central heating as an adult. None of my neighbours have central heating. I am very, very lucky to have it. My mum hasnt ever lived her married life without central heating as she grew up in a different area.

• low car ownership

My mum and dad got their first car at 24 we got ours at 22. Not much difference.

• very few children went to university

Uni doesnt get you a job though.

• narrow range of food available '

That isnt necessarily that bad a thing

We have more of what we want (material goods) but less of what we need (security and time with our families).

It's a shit state of affairs.

We have it much easier than my parents did. In part thanks to them. Dad was abroad working for months - exhausted, stressed - lovely but not there much. Money worries, made redundant etc. Mum dealing with us without him there day to day. DH's dad also worked long hours, parents had to sell their house due to money issues etc

DH and I both work from home - have loads more time with our children than our parents did. We have a much bigger house, much better education - I was first in my family to go to university. Dad had to leave school at 14 and work. In short they worked so hard to give me more opportunities than they had and I grabbed them and did something with them. Might not continue forever - I'm well aware how life can bite you - ill health, accidents etc. But at the moment we are much better off than they were.

I was born in 1975 and I think my mum definitely had it harder. She had 2 kids 15 mths apart and her family all lived more than 200 miles away. She and my dad had their own business and my dad was working 6.5 days a week for a few years. She had twin tubs until 1983 and no dishwasher until the 1990's. We were always relatively well off, but I don't envy her life as a mother. I also imagine she got quite bored as she is very bright and is a Univ graduate, but only really got a challenging job again when I was 15 (she retrained as a primary school teacher and loved it).

My parents are now in their early 60's, in good health, and have a lovely comfortable existence and the money to enjoy travelling and their numerous hobbies, but so do I, and frankly, they had to work a lot harder for it than me, because their support, advice and aspirations gave me a leg up IYSWIM.

Basically, I've got a lot to thank my parents for.

In fact I about half my friends work for themselves an allot their time with more freedom and satisfaction than my parents' generation could. Their peers were all employees and subject to their employers - so limited holidays etc. Email/internet has given such freedom to my generation (I'm 40). We couldn't have the life we have without that - would be much more limited.

By just saying 'parents' you are confusing the issue because the parents of mnetters could have been born almost anytime in the 20th century.

Im sure ive read/heard that people born between 1945 and 1965 had it easier than those born in the 70s, 80s and 90s.

My parents are baby boomers and would be very well off if they hadnt made some dire financial/property decisions eg not buying council house when they had the chance.

Fwiw i didnt have central heating last year, it wasnt the end of the world!

See it all depends on your experiences.

'no dishwasher until the 1990's' Like this I dont know anyone with a dishwasher now as it is too expensive to run. I also think overcrowding is rife now where I am. It wasnt like this when my parents were young at all.

BaggedandTagged - very similar to me - I thank my parents for a whole lot of what I am able to have and give my children.

The great dishwasher test! I have had one since I was in my mid-30s. My mum never had one. I know there's more to life than that but boy did we all spend a lot of time at the sink...

Noodles- yeah, as soon as I typed that I felt like a twat

I think that the 'average' mumsnetter would probably think they had it better than their parents. But this world described on mumsnet is nothing like the lives of the vast majority of people in RL ime.

"The great dishwasher test! I have had one since I was in my mid-30s. My mum never had one. I know there's more to life than that but boy did we all spend a lot of time at the sink..."

Yup- every Sunday night there would be a massive melt down argument between my sister and I over who had to wash up the Sunday roast stuff

• two weeks annual leave was standard

dont know about this but my parents get loads and loads of leave as public sector workers. Normal jobs dont get this.

Yup 15 days is standard for white colour jobs in the private sector here - my parents are honestly shocked by this, they assumed it was more like 25+ days.

My parents definitely didn't have it easier