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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not let DD play out?

112 replies

OutOutLetItAllOut · 19/03/2011 13:32

she is 6 nearly 7, 2 other kids on our street are knocking for her. one is 9 and one is 5 or 6.
i have said she is too young to play out the front. we live on a cul d sac, not busy, but a fair few cars.
am i being a mean mum?
the kids are now sat on the path out the front of the house with dd staring longliny out the window!

OP posts:

kitkat1000 · 20/03/2011 07:50

12! Wow i think thats far too young and says a lot about the parents of the infants really! I wouldn't leave a 12 year old with any age child!

kitkat1000 · 20/03/2011 07:53

oncemal - i agree in the past people did go to work younger etc but let face it kids are far more immature these days as they don't need to go to work etc plus attitudes and influences are much greater in that age group than years ago. The 14yr olds i know would spend half the night on the PC (facebook) , not watching any kids!

CheerfulYank · 20/03/2011 07:53

I started off watching the baby while the mother cleaned and did things around the house, and then would watch her for a half hour or so while her mother ran to town, etc.

It was fine and I took good care of her, but I wouldn't leave a 12 year old with DS either. :)

iPhoneDrone · 20/03/2011 08:38

Kids are more immature because suddenly we think it isn't 'fair' to expect a 14yr old to look after younger siblings.

How do you expect children to grow up if we cosset them from all responsibility?

lesley33 · 20/03/2011 08:39

Of course at 7 years old a child should be able to play outside her house.

I have lived in some areas where I wouldn't have wanted my children to play outside - they were far too young at the time. We lived in a really rough area when our children were babies/toddlers and I wouldn't have wanted our children being influenced by the children who played outside.

But as long as the children outsidearen't a bunch of ne'er do wells, then I think children begin to learn independence by playing outside.

I think a lot of teenagers today are immature and don't have basic lifeskills. My nephew who is 14 is still not allowed outside by himself to play football! My father was working when he was 15.

lesley33 · 20/03/2011 08:45

I think not allowing children to learn from getting independence gradually, causes lots of problems when finally they are not living with their parents.

The City in which I live has lots of students. When first years arrive you can see some of them walking about town at night looking scared.

The University actually has supervised trips for students in their first few weeks there, to social things such as clubs and gigs.

I couldn't believe this when I first heard it, but my friend who is a university lecturer says it is necessary as some of the students have never done things without being supervised and really have no clue how to keep themselves safe.

Independence learned gradually under the supervision of parents is much safer than young adults suddenly having to learn to be independent very quickly.

exoticfruits · 20/03/2011 08:49

I agree with Lesley33, you have to start letting go and a small cul de sac for an almost 7 yr old is fine. How will you cope with letting them into town Saturday shopping, with friends at 12 yrs if you don't start small?

kitkat1000 · 20/03/2011 09:16

i don't think anyone is saying kids can't play out i think the argument is what age it changes from supervised to independent - this depends on the area, the child and in many cases when the parent wants a bit of peace! :) Ultimately its your personal choice but i would at least want to know i did the right thing in the event something bad happened. For me, kids playing out unsupervised at a very young age is blinded and irresponsible. I suppose it depends where you live and what activities are on offer - near me we go the park, farm etc as i myself don't like to spend my day at home!

upyourdiva · 20/03/2011 09:38

I get really paranoid about my DS going out to play but I know he needs to do it, we live mid terrace in a street 10 houses long. I let him go from one end of the houses to the other and knows not go round the side or the park or anything.

He is 4.7YO and not the most mature of children but he has always been fine with this. DP however tells him he can go round the back of the houses as long as there are other kids but I don't like this.

I check on him every few minutes and last week we lost him... turned out he had gone into his friends house int he time it took me to run to the toilet and back out again!

I know mums at the other end of the street so we just tend to signal or shout if her DD or my DS goes into either house.

It is scary and I do panic but I have to remember that when I was his age I was wandering around the scheme and playing in fields etc (early 90's), it is a sad reality of todays world that we fear for our children so muc that they can't be children anymore :(

Let her out front and check on her, she will never learn if you don't allow her the freedom.

FWIW we also live near a park etc but I don't think it helps them much to be with them all the time, how will they feel when suddenly they are 10 and allowed outside not having a clue where to go!

wabbit · 20/03/2011 10:03

Ds has been able to play outside on his bike since he was 4 - bit gutted that other kids in our road don't play out too

They're all different though and adhere to rules with a different twist!

Ds is extremely 'to the letter' but his cousin simply couldn't stick to the rules even if he was trying 'eversohard'!

My sil has a 3 year-old who plays out in the cul-de-sac, mum's never far from the front door and arranges activities like chalk drawing for all of the children to join in with on her driveway to help her dd stay nearby. I think it's lovely

heliumballoons · 20/03/2011 10:26

DS 6.7 is allowed over the road to the park if there are other children there. I can see it from my kitchen. lounge, his bedroom and partly from the bathroom. I watch him cross the road and he's not allowed back unless I call him or one of the older children see him back across the road. (its an access only road but fairly long on iyswim).

Yesterday he went off up the road with 4 boys (aged9-13). I trusted them but fannied around cleaning the car out, moving things around the shed and so quietly supervised from a vantage point.

op I never feel comfortable with letting him out, but feel even less comfortable with him watching from the window. So the compromise is he can go out when I know I have jobs to do where I can secretly watch him from the window (he doesn't know this though!!)

valiumredhead · 20/03/2011 13:16

Well, I thought of this thread today, as it was the first time I have let ds ( 10 in May) go to the park by himself. He went with his mate who is a year younger. They went for half an hour - had phones with them and were fine!

I will be extending the time allowed out as they proe they can be trusted etc etc.

Park is 5 min walk away.

I was babysitting over night for 4 children at the age of 12. My mum was always on call as it was for neighbours 4 doors down from our house.

Our current babysitter started with us when she was 15 - I know her Aunt very well and she is used to looking after her nieces and nephews.

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