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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not let DD play out?

112 replies

OutOutLetItAllOut · 19/03/2011 13:32

she is 6 nearly 7, 2 other kids on our street are knocking for her. one is 9 and one is 5 or 6.
i have said she is too young to play out the front. we live on a cul d sac, not busy, but a fair few cars.
am i being a mean mum?
the kids are now sat on the path out the front of the house with dd staring longliny out the window!

OP posts:
Original poster
OutOutLetItAllOut · 19/03/2011 15:05

To be fair i dont really want to! I had friends over for 3 kids 3 days during the week, i dont want to have to put up with more! The kids knocking are chucked out by mum every day after school, and on weekends come rain or shine, when we were cleaning the car last weekend they were trying to help and when i was gardening, with no kids, after school one day, they were trying to help. I have a horrible feeling that if i let them in once i wil never get rid!

OP posts:
MorticiaAddams · 19/03/2011 15:13

Genuine question. You clearly had made up your mind up this, why did you ask if you were being unreasonable?

Original poster
OutOutLetItAllOut · 19/03/2011 15:17

I didnt ask if i should let her out. I asked if i was being a mean mum.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 19/03/2011 15:20

Your thread title does say: "to not let DD play out".

Original poster
OutOutLetItAllOut · 19/03/2011 15:21

The question in my post was, am i being a mean mummy?

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 19/03/2011 15:24

The question in my post was, am i being a mean mummy?

I'd suggest that would mean balancing the extent of your daughter's unhappiness with your perception of risk. Since you're there and we're not you're probably the best placed person to make that judgement.

Summerbird73 · 19/03/2011 15:25

in that case my answer to that is - yes

Skinit · 19/03/2011 15:36

I think you're being mean. We would all like a quiet life...without hassle. But having kids means putting yourself out a bit for their development.

Local friends are a rarity nowadays...I would kill for my DD to have what yours has.

So would others.

Original poster
OutOutLetItAllOut · 19/03/2011 15:40

Im sorry but you dont know enough about me or my life to try to say that i am trying to avoid hassle, or that my daughter has a better life than yours. Please dont make assumptions. You really dont know what you are talking about. I accept that i might be being a bit too protective tho, and will have to talk to her about bounderies and starting to give her nope freedom.

OP posts:
MorticiaAddams · 19/03/2011 15:41

I didnt ask if i should let her out. I asked if i was being a mean mum.

Yes you did. You also asked if you were being a mean mum in the text but as it's in aibu and the main title is not to let dd out then that would appear to be the significant question and you were asking if you were being unreasonable not to let her out.

jubilee10 · 19/03/2011 15:43

On nice evenings we take a glass of juice/wine out into the front garden and sit for an hour during which time ds 4.5 is allowed to play in the cul de sac. He is now allowed to play in the front garden unsupervised and is allowed in the street with his brothers 15 and 13. We didn't let any of them play out on their own until they were nearly eight and the older two appear well balanced and able to take themselves to school so it hasn't held them back! Other children have been playing out in our street since they were in nappies and to be fair they are still alive and probably more streetwise but it's not for me. I think you have to go with your own instincts.

worraliberty · 19/03/2011 15:46

As long as your child is fairly sensible, I think you're being mean not letting her out.

Part of raising children well is learning when to let go and when to allow them some freedom.

Original poster
OutOutLetItAllOut · 19/03/2011 15:50

Worraliberty, she is normally fairly sensible, but sometimes just doesnt pay much attention to things. I couldnt be sure she would not run across the road if she saw another friend for example. And i cant be sure that the donkeys who race down the street would notice a child. The park with 2 wheels on the pavement, and sometimes really badly!

OP posts:
Skinit · 19/03/2011 15:52

So you ask if you're being mean...then I say yes...and you say...

Im sorry but you dont know enough about me or my life to try to say that i am trying to avoid hassle, or that my daughter has a better life than yours. Please dont make assumptions.

So don't ask! Hmm

worraliberty · 19/03/2011 15:53

They actually drive on the pavements here because they have parking bays on them...but in the 16yrs I've been here, I have not known of a child to be run over.

Really at almost 7 she is old enough for you to teach the dangers of running across the road for any reason.

I'd let her out but be VERY strict about the rules. How can she learn otherwise?

Original poster
OutOutLetItAllOut · 19/03/2011 16:03

My issue with your post was the assumption that i was not letting her out to avoid hassle and therefore stunting her development.

OP posts:
Original poster
OutOutLetItAllOut · 19/03/2011 16:05

You are right, i have said that i realise i have to let her have some freedom and that i will talk to her about some ground rules. I just thought 6 might be too young, hence asking. Thanks for the input.

OP posts:
worraliberty · 19/03/2011 16:10

Well 6 would be too young for some children..only you know your own child. Also, it really does depend on the area..though yours doesn't sound too bad.

Either way, I'm sure the parents of the other kids are just as worried as you. My view of my kids was partially obscured when nextdoor bought a camper van and parked it on their drive...so every 20 mins or so I'd have to nip upstairs and look out the window. Mind you, the rule was they had to check in every half an hour..even if that meant just shouting through the letterbox!

robotlollypopman · 19/03/2011 16:11

Did you go out as a child OP?

Original poster
OutOutLetItAllOut · 19/03/2011 16:16

Robot, i did. But i grew up in a totally different type of area and with totally different parents than my daughter is. It was a housing estate with flats, 4 floor per block, each block was in an L shape, with the entrance in the corner of the L. The play out i was allowed was downstairs in the flats, out the back, which was closed in. Really hard to explain. But no where for cars to get where we were playing.

OP posts:
justpaddling · 19/03/2011 16:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CheerfulYank · 19/03/2011 16:27

My DS is almost four and plays out in our front yard. Before he goes out I ask "What are the rules" and he says "No going in the road and only talk to Mrs Miller and Mr Rink" (our neighbors)

He is really scared of cars because he saw a rabbit dead in the street once :(

I never go upstairs when he's outside, though, I stay in the front so I can see him easily from the windows.

YABU

Skinit · 19/03/2011 16:42

That's what I do CheerfulYank....my DD knows that she speaks to nobody apart from my neighbours and she goes nowhere with ANYBODY no matter what they say.

But I am always watching....unless I nip to the loo r something.

Huffymuffy · 19/03/2011 16:47

My 5 yr old and 3 yr old have been playing out all morning. DS cannot be trusted to remember the time so I set the alarm on my running watch to go off after 30 mins so he remembers to check back in. Normally DD wouldn't be out with them but DH was doing jobs in the garage. Generally I just let everyone come and play in the garden so DD doesn't get left out. Does them good! My DSis and I played out all day, all weathers until the street lights came on!

exoticfruits · 19/03/2011 16:55

Yes you are being a mean mummy and it will get worse this summer. Make some rules and let her out. At the very least ask the DC who call in to play.