Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to not let DD play out?

112 replies

OutOutLetItAllOut · 19/03/2011 13:32

she is 6 nearly 7, 2 other kids on our street are knocking for her. one is 9 and one is 5 or 6.
i have said she is too young to play out the front. we live on a cul d sac, not busy, but a fair few cars.
am i being a mean mum?
the kids are now sat on the path out the front of the house with dd staring longliny out the window!

OP posts:
wellwisher · 19/03/2011 18:10

Yes, you are being a mean mummy. How can drivers "fly" down a cul de sac anyway? Hmm if that's accurate, ask your council for speed bumps.

sims2fan · 19/03/2011 18:23

I actually think 'playing out' is overrated. Fair enough if it's a child playing proper games with one or two close friends then that's lovely. I used to do that when I was little. But just going out and playing with whoever is out there, often much older kids is not great in my opinion. My nephew has 'played out' from the age if 5. At first it was just his street, then in about 3 local streets. It wasn't the cars that was a problem, it was the fact that this gang of little lads could not play together without it ending in tears. I used to hate babysitting in the summer because his mum would say he was allowed out so I had to let him, and inevitably he would come back crying about something another child did, or he would come rushing back followed a few minutes later by a couple of other kids complaining about something he had done. They never seemed to play proper games, which was part of the problem, plus weren't really good friends, just happened to live near each other.

Another boy I knew, aged 5, was in the class I taught. I used to walk home every night past his house and he would always be playing outside with a group of children, and a few were quite a lot older than him. He was very good at manipulating other children and getting them into trouble, in a way that is unusual for a child so young. I am sure it was because he was always around older, streetwise, not very nice kids.

Also, where I used to live there were a group of children that used to play out a lot. Their games used to involve lots of chasing, often through the front gardens of other residents who didn't even have children. They also seemed to gang up on one or two children within the group. My next door neighbour, aged about 9, who I think had a learning disability often seemed to be the victim, though would always play with them again as I think he was just desperate to be included in the gang. From the things I heard them saying to each other they didn't seem very nice children and I wouldn't have let my child play with them.

I can remember being about 9 and being desperate for kids in the street, who I wasn't even friends with to call for me so I could 'play out.' My mum told me it probably wouldn't be as much fun as I thought and she was right. One day 2 girls in the year above me at school called for me and we rode to the park behind our houses on my bike. We then just sat on our bikes there for a while, they didn't really talk to me, then they rode off and left me, so I went back home. After that I was happy to just ride my bike in the street with my best friend or play at her house or mine.

altinkum · 19/03/2011 18:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DooinMeCleanin · 19/03/2011 18:33

Sims2fan dd1 is always falling out with kids on our street, or she is upset because her 'best' friend has found another best friend and they won't let her play.

I just leave them to it and they tend to sort it our pretty quickly. Imo, it won't traumatise her for life but it will help her learn to deal with conflict and encourage her not to rely on just one friend.

Dd1 has been always been very wise (she has older cousins) for her age so was allowed to play out from when we bought this house. If her 'best' friend won't play she has gotten very good at finding other children to play with. She can make friends quickly and can entertain herself if she needs to.

Rowgtfc72 · 19/03/2011 18:34

I would let my dd play in a cul de sac at six.We live on a side street dd was four two weeks ago and the kids next door want her to play on the front with them. Last summer I said definitely no. This summer I will be wavering as the other girls are eight and six and all are sensible.

kitkat1000 · 19/03/2011 18:54

i think it's unusual to hear (on one thread) so many people who let their kids play out with so little people who support you. My DD is 5 (and a half!) and neither she or any of her friends play out unsupervised and i have yet to meet anyone in her year (recpetion) who play out - nevermind unsupervised! In the summer her and my 3yr old DD are out all the time with me watching (like a hawk!) but never unsupervised and i'm quite shocked how relaxed many of you are. My DD is very sensible and very mature but when kids are together they quickly forget rules. Plus any street with parked cars has the danger of kids not being seen. The street where my nephew lives is full of kids aged 3-6 playing out and its like a death trap when i drive down there as they are all over the road. Its an accident waiting to happen and when it does it probably won't be the drivers fault. In addition kids can be so mean to each other at a young age! Its worth noting the NSPCC guidelines are that children under 8 should not be unsupervised.

kitkat1000 · 19/03/2011 18:56

Plus i think its very unfair to put any kind of responsibility on another child - they can't be trusted and shouldnt be expected to remember rules etc

prettybird · 19/03/2011 18:59

Actually, the NSPCC guidelines actually say:

"Many young children play outdoors with other children without supervision, most people would agree that this is an important part of growing up. To leave children outdoors for a considerable length of time though, or to allow them to wander off without knowing where they are going would be unacceptable."

MaisyMooCow · 19/03/2011 19:00

wellwisher my sister lives in a cul de sac and she gets cars driving to the end to turn.

kitkat1000 · 19/03/2011 19:03

if you link to playing out, www.nspcc.org.uk/Inform/publications/downloads/outalone_wdf48089.pdf they do say children under 8 shouldn't be lout alone unsupervised.

onceamai · 19/03/2011 19:03

Can't you take her and some friends to the park or invite some friends round to play with her in the garden. I played out more than 40 years ago when there was less than a quarter of the traffic there is now. What happens when you need the loo and take your eyes off for a minute. Probably nothing but can you be sure. She's only six, not ten.

mmsmum · 19/03/2011 19:05

Let her out!

When DD was 6 I lived in a flat on a main road and would have killed to live somewhere like you op so she could go and play

You can't have her sitting at the window like that, let her out and take her place at the window

drivingmisscrazy · 19/03/2011 19:05

DD is 2 and we also live on a cul-de-sac with lots of kids. The only cars that come down the road (we are at the bottom) are people who live here. I do go out and play with her outside (football, more often just following her as she pushes her buggy/rides her trike), never unsupervised and I watch her all the time. But - and this was my point really - she already knows that she has to be on the pavement and can now apply this in other situations (e.g. supermarket car park) - she'll say 'cars coming, get on the pavement'. I wouldn't trust her with any of this at her age, but she is learning about rules and road safety. IMO this needs to be done from a very early age. There are a lot of kids (all older than DD) and there is always at least one adult out with them. It's one of the things that makes me glad to be living here.

exoticfruits · 19/03/2011 19:13

'I actually think 'playing out' is overrated'

I don't think that it is to a DC! Not one who is looking wistfully out of the window.

NoPinkPlease · 19/03/2011 19:22

I wouldn't unless I was out there watching. But I would let her play out whenever possible (with me watching!). Not sure exactly there's a specific age when it's ok to be unsupervised but 6 would have been too young for my dss. Basically, it's what you're comfortable with knowing your child as well as you do, I reckon.

Milliways · 19/03/2011 20:02

Our last house was in a cul de sac & I took turns with another mum in sitting outside/gardening as our youngest were only 3 and desparate to be out with the others. When it was just DD, who was 7, she was allowed out without me but could only go to the corner where I could see to.

We really missed it when we moved as even though we have huge gardens, they felt restricted in not being allowed up & down the road (very busy and can't be seen from the house).

iPhoneDrone · 19/03/2011 20:06

The NSPCC is nuts if they really think a child under 8 shouldn't be outside unsupervised. God this is how kids end up 8 yrs old and still holding mummies hand to cross the road.

skybluepearl · 19/03/2011 20:29

I think the NSPCC are right. Having spent years working with many offenders/disaffected young people/adults in what is considered to be an attractive middle class town - there is no way I'd let my young children play out without some form of supervision.

bruffin · 19/03/2011 20:39

We live in a culdesac and all the children played out from about the age of 4, none of them ever came to any harm and we had very little problems. I used to play out and it certainly wasn't overratedGrin

prettybird · 19/03/2011 20:41

For some reason I can't open the document: however, the statement on their webiste seeoms to be common sense - it's a shame they apparently appear to contradict it in the leaflet.

It depends on what they mean by "supervised": in a quiet cul de sac, knowing they are with others and being checked on periodically might be seen as "supervised", whereas letting a gang of kids of the same age wander around a busy town would not be viewd as supervised.

In the same way, you don't actually watch a child 100% of the time: you do actually leave them in a room playing (or sleeping!) while you do things in another room but you are still aware ofwhat they are up to.

zest01 · 19/03/2011 20:51

I think you have to trust your instincts. Where we used to live, we couldn't really let the kids play out as they would have to go round the corner out of sight and there was a group of less desirable older kids who used to roam about.

Now though we have a nice little gren literally out front, so I can see them from the kitchen so the older ones (7+) are allowed to play there on their own.

THEY feel like they have a bit of freedom and I feel safe in the knowldege I can see them and keep a beady eye.

Not all their friends play out though, they don't all have somewhere safe to play so only you can judge that, based on how busy your cul-de-sac is and how much you can see from your window.

It also depends on the child. My oldest was fine from 8, but the boys fight/argue a bit more so I waited a bit longer to let them go as I was worried there would be fisticuffs in the street! They are fine now, though - they know the rules and know it will stop if they are broken.

edam · 19/03/2011 23:04

Oh, the NSPCC. That bunch of idiots who think it's illegal to let a 14yo babysit their younger siblings (when they know damn well it is NOT but are doing their best to subvert the law by using their status to enforce their stupid 'guidance' via dim witted cops). I wouldn't take their advice on how to stir my coffee, tbh, let alone on childrearing.

kitkat1000 · 20/03/2011 07:37

edam, i think it should be illegal to let a 14 yo babysit - especially if siblings are very young. Also its very unfair to put that kind of responsibility on a 14 yr old to look after young siblings.

I think the NSPCC guidelines are needed and may seem extreme but i thinks its probably to stop people letting kids play out too young - in my nephews cul-de-sac, yes they play out but cars do have to swerve to miss them, two mothers may be out but spend more time chatting over their coffee than actually watching the kids! I think kids should definitely play out supervised younger than that - the guidelines are probably for those less responsible who chuck a 4yr old out and don't bother to watch them.

CheerfulYank · 20/03/2011 07:39

I started baby-sitting infants at 12...

onceamai · 20/03/2011 07:46

Kitkat, many 14 year olds are more than mature enough to babysit. My ds started babysitting at 15 - mostly the families of dd's friends who had younger boy siblings who were out of nappies. It has been a huge success. FWIW it wasn't so long ago in the UK that young people left school and went to work at 14. It was 15 in my lifetime.

When ours were small the daughters, there were five, of the family over the road, kept me sane for years and they all started babysitting from 14.

Swipe left for the next trending thread