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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

is my husband being a bit selfish?

98 replies

gallifrey · 18/03/2011 13:19

He does a lot of running and is really into adventure racing and mountain marathons.

This weekend he is doing a 2 hr adventure race somewhere which is 2 hours away.

Normally I would go with him but at nearly 38 weeks pregnant I don't really feel like it.

He's basically said that if I go into labour while he's away then he probably wouldn't get back in time, but if I went with him and went into labour there we could just go to the nearest hospital.

I'm annoyed that he is even thinking of going anyway, and if he's that worried about me going into labour he would stay at home.

Next week he has a 5 hour adventure race in the New Forest and apparently I've got to go to that and hang around for 5 hours there :(

Not impressed at all :(

OP posts:
Lambzig · 18/03/2011 13:21

YANBU, I would have hated the idea of potentially giving birth in a strange hospital instead of the one where I had seen my midwives.

At 38 weeks you should be putting your feet up on your own sofa as much as possible, not hanging about for five hours.

Ragwort · 18/03/2011 13:21

Why on earth do you have to go with him to the New Forest - just say 'no, I've got other plans' (like giving birth Grin).

BeerTricksPotter · 18/03/2011 13:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GypsyMoth · 18/03/2011 13:22

this is just a snapshot of how things are.....

life doesnt have to stop dead just because you're pregnant.

normally you'd go with him you say,so as you don't 'feel like it',he has to stay home??

moogster1a · 18/03/2011 13:22

Stuff hat. a 38 weeks I couldn't manage 2 hours in the car le alone followed by 2 hours standing aroound. And he expects you to hang around for 5 hours next week? at 39 weeks? basically when things could start at any moment. selfish selfish twat.

moogster1a · 18/03/2011 13:23

he t on my laptop seems to be playing up!

valiumredhead · 18/03/2011 13:23

You don't have to go with him - you aren't joined at the hip! Shock

minibmw2010 · 18/03/2011 13:23

YANBU. My DH is also into running and very much into endurance races, Triathlons and Duathlons, but although he has signed up for several and the London Marathon, he deliberately didn't sign up for anything after end of April (when I'll be about 35 weeks) and hasn't yet signed up for anything afterwards either even though I know there are several races he'd love to do and I really appreciate him doing this without me having to ask.

valiumredhead · 18/03/2011 13:24

YANBU btw!

DartsRus · 18/03/2011 13:24

I'd say selfish, in as much as expecting you to travel around with him. He has to make the choice as to whether he does his race and miss baby's birth, or whether he misses the race thing.

After all, why would YOU want to just go to the nearest hospital, wherever that is, when you haven't even seen it or met the midwives. At least if you're at home you'd just go to the hospital you know and hopefully with midwives you've already met.

mmsmum · 18/03/2011 13:24

You can't be attached at the hip from now til the baby is born, he probably knows that once the baby is here he won't be able to do anything for a while so is making the most of it while he can. Just stay at home and chill out. He will get home because you'll know hours and hours before it comes

PepsiPopcorn · 18/03/2011 13:25

YANBU

Original poster
gallifrey · 18/03/2011 13:26

He's the one who is saying about me going into labour while he's away not me! I just really don't want to go and sit in the car for fucking hours on my own when I could be at home in the warm.

If he wants to miss being at the birth of his child it's up to him but if he does then he surely can make sure he's in the vague area that I am!

I do not want to give birth in some strange hospital either especially since I have other complications (like being disabled) that my own hospital know about and have made arrangements for.

OP posts:
bran · 18/03/2011 13:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nomoreheels · 18/03/2011 13:27

At this late stage of pregnancy, I'd expect him to cancel anything that is going to take him away for too long or too far. A local shorter run is one thing. Does he think he'll be able to do this with a newborn?

Also, I can barely manage an afternoon in town now at 29 wks, god knows what I'll be like at 38 wks.

Quenelle · 18/03/2011 13:28

I think he's being selfish.

Original poster
gallifrey · 18/03/2011 13:28

minibmw2010

He entered them all ages ago, which is why it's ok (apparently)

OP posts:
Queenofchaos · 18/03/2011 13:28

Will he be leaving you with the new baby every weekend after it is born or will he be cutting back?

Maybe he realizes that when your DC is here he won't be able to get away with spending his weekends running so wants to do as many as he can before DC arrives....? I sincerely hope this is the case.

I don't think you should have to go with him to watch him at 38 weeks pregnant though. Stay at home and make sure you have someone lined up to replace him and be with you at the birth.

Hope it all goes well!

PaisleyLeaf · 18/03/2011 13:30

There's no point you going to the New Forest.
You're still just going to be on your own and a fair distance away from him. What's his plan? Carry his phone and run back to the start if you call him?

notaskiver · 18/03/2011 13:33

YA soooo NBU, he sounds completely selfish to go somewhere when you are at this late stage of your pregnancy which means he potentially might miss the birth. Utterly selfish. Tell him so.

3littlefrogs · 18/03/2011 13:33

I would be much more concerned about whether he is going to continue his hobby to this extent after the baby is born TBH.

Original poster
gallifrey · 18/03/2011 13:35

There's no point you going to the New Forest.
You're still just going to be on your own and a fair distance away from him. What's his plan? Carry his phone and run back to the start if you call him?

Yes apparently that's exactly what he's going to do!
He's asked permission to take a phone with him, as normally they're not allowed!

OP posts:
Alibabaandthe40nappies · 18/03/2011 13:35

He sounds totally and utterly self-absorbed. Definitely don't go, I am 38+6 and there is no bloody way I would be heading off somewhere to hang about in the cold.

And yes, what are his plans for once the baby is born? Please tell me that he accepts he will have to cut back a lot?

ChaoticAngelofAnarchy · 18/03/2011 13:38

YANBU He is being selfish.

JitterBug2 · 18/03/2011 13:39

YADNBU

Is this your first baby? It may be that your DH hasn't quite got it in his head that the baby could actually arrive before your due date and therefore doesn't really see how it matters if you're not near home.

It may be that it's not so much that he's been selfish as being clueless and thoughtless.