is my husband being a bit selfish?

[gallifrey]

He does a lot of running and is really into adventure racing and mountain marathons.

This weekend he is doing a 2 hr adventure race somewhere which is 2 hours away.

Normally I would go with him but at nearly 38 weeks pregnant I don't really feel like it.

He's basically said that if I go into labour while he's away then he probably wouldn't get back in time, but if I went with him and went into labour there we could just go to the nearest hospital.

I'm annoyed that he is even thinking of going anyway, and if he's that worried about me going into labour he would stay at home.

Next week he has a 5 hour adventure race in the New Forest and apparently I've got to go to that and hang around for 5 hours there :(

Not impressed at all :(

why would you ever go with him for a five hour race, even if you weren't PG?

1. I wouldn't go.
2. I would be pretty fucking angry if he went and didn't make every effort to come back if I went into labour while he was gone.
3. Because of 2, I would be strongly suggesting that he is being a selfish git for still going and further, suggesting that he could give it a miss JUST THIS FUCKING ONCE.

but then I am a bit like that.

What a prat. Even if he did get back in time for the birth, were you not hoping that he'd be around for the whole thing to support you through the early stages?

Perhaps say that to him - maybe it hadnt crossed his mind that during what might be long hours of labour you'd quite like him there?

I don't think he has any intention of cutting back once the baby is born, in fact he's been asked to make up a team to do a triathlon which will potentially take 4 days in the summer!

SOrry (reads op a little better):

blah blah blah - JUST THIS FUCKING TWICE.

Definitely sod the 5h race!

I would be a martyr and have the baby alone, then make him pay for THE REST OF HIS NATURAL LIFE

But then I don't want to make him stay at home on the off chance that I'll go into labour. (because the chances are I won't and then I'll look like a horrid nagging wife)

I don't mind him doing his hobby for a minute, I'm just annoyed at his whole attitude that I'll want to go and sit in the car and wait for him for hours, but he is taking me to lunch afterwards so that makes it alright!

Tell him you are staying home. If this is your first baby it is hugely unlikely that he will miss the birth as labour is typically very long.

If I were you I would be very worried about this man as he doesn't sound like a great guy to be starting a family with.

he's a selfish plank - tell him that too - i think he's an arse actually and am sitting here feeling quite pissed off for you.

my DH has similar interests but wouldn't in a million years do this so close to birth and no of course you're not joined at the hip but i would suggest these are special circs.

my DC1 was 2 weeks early and DC2 10 days early so you just "don't know" what will happen and neither does he.

by the way, not a chance in hell i'd be in the New Forest for a 5 hours race non-pregnant either. thats 5 hours you won't ever get back

You're sounding like you might do the New Forest thing.....are you thinking of going then?

Say yes to this weekend (although you're not going!) as at most he'll be three hours away. Enjoy the absolute solitude, peace and quiet as the last you might have for a very long time.

Say NO, full stop to next weekend and ask him to put on hold everything else until after the baby is here. You just don't know what thinsg are going to be like.

You might be lucky and feel fine for him to go away. I was. You might even want to turn it into a minibreak for all of you, ifit's somewhere suitable.

Or, you might be stuck with a refluxy, colicky non-sleeping mess of a three month old, whilst you're still recovering and have PND, in which case four days away for him is utterly unreasonable.

Sit down and have a talk with him, OP. Get this stuff squared away.

YANBU. Is he supposed to be your birth partner or have you got someone else lined up?

Yes to this weekend.

Definite no to next weekend! Is he mad!

have just read ginnybag's post and she makes a good point. however, do ensure that even though he does have a phone with him that he can actually hear it if you do call him.

completely agree to it all being squared off now.

It depends on whether you've talked about it thoroughly and have explained what you want/need at this time of your life.
My guess is he doesn't think you'll go into labor this weekend or next...while I don't see the big deal abt this weekend myself, I would certainly tell him next is definitely pushing it...
Being the dw of a mtn biker I completely understand your ire, but the only way you can 'get your way' is by impressing on him the situation. I for instance expressed to dh that while I was still happy for him to be biking and training that by 38 weeks I was starting to feel nervous about the impending labor and felt, since I'd rather like him to be there, I didn't feel comfortable with him being more than abt an hour away from me...and that I didn't want to be about an hour away from the hospital...
It's not unreasonable to want these things later in pregnancy, but if you haven't expressed this clearly than it's not really fair on him either...

This is my 2nd baby, and the first one was 2 days early. I knew I was in labour at 6.30 in the morning and she was born at 7pm that night. He seems to think that this one will be exactly the same even though I've told him that 2nd babies are very different.

Our first daughter was the easiest baby ever, slept through the night and was no problem at all, in his mind this baby will be the same, I really hope she will be but there's no way I could be that lucky twice!

And also, our 7 year old daughter has been invited to a sleep over on saturday night and is to be picked up on sunday morning. The race is sunday and he doesn't want her to go on the sleepover because 1, I might go into labour and 2, because then we can't all go and support him doing his race.
I've already said she can go on the sleepover, and knowing I was staying home on sunday said I would pick her up in the morning. But it seems like I'm not 'allowed' to do that!!!!

Men like this really annoy me - to think that the entire family have to turn out to support their hobby and give up hours of their own time. I had a little of this with my own DH at first - wives & gfs were expected to make tea for their men's cricket matches. I was the first one to question why on earth I should give up my time for his hobby!

I just turned it around - would he give up 5 hours or more on a Saturday every week in the summer for something I was interested in?

So, it was all nicely sorted out before we ever had children.

Not much help to you, OP, I know, but at least it shows that YANBU!

gallifrey - seriously, that's how you spend your weeekends, sitting in a car with your DD waiting for his race to be over? ?

He's being really selfish. These races happen throughout the year surely but you will only give birth to this DC once! Is his behaviour likely to change when baby's arrived?

Sorry i didn't realise you already did have a child with dh so I guess you already know exactly what kind of dad he is!

Oops just seen you've got an older child too - is she expected to go to all these things too? I'm all for supporting partners but there has to be a limit, you've got your own hobbies and friends surely!

Does he always put himself first? Or is it just the running?