To think boarding schools are an expensive version of neglect? MARK 2

[colditz]

LeQueen "Can someone please explain to me why living apart from your DH damages your marriage...but living apart from your children doesn't damage your relationship with them in anyway?

Please ...I genuinely don't understand."

Because your children can't have an affair, LeQueen

unsupportive

I am just someone who adores my family too.

I am also someone who is grateful to have been blessed with an open mind which enables me to appreciate that what suits me and my loved ones may not suit other people and their families. I don't feel any need to judge others for the choices they make and be so down right nasty about the choices they have made.

I am very comfortable,content and happy with the choices me and my very much loved family have made.

I wonder why people assume that children who want to go to boarding school are trying ot get away from something? Perhaps they are mature and enlightened enough to realise how important education is and not mind spending periods of time away from their parents? Perhaps they are attracted by the huge range of clubs and music lessons many boarding schools offer, some of which aren't widely available in non fee paying schools? Or the brilliant school trips, for example, two of which at my son's school this year were a sports trip to Barbados and an Arts week in New York?

"I don't feel any need to judge others for the choices they make and be so down right nasty about the choices they have made."

I feel exactly the same. I have expressed no opinion about what others have done with regard to their children's education; I have simply tried to illustrate why a Service family might make the choice to board their children.

However, if you believe recent threads on Mumsnet, I'm dim, my husband is an undereducated, knuckle-dragging thug with undiagnosed PTSD who shouldn't be allowed near children in a classroom, far less have any of his own. We're neglectful parents who place our own relationship above the needs of our children and we're too pissed on taxpayer-funded cocktails on the veranda to care what happens to our kids.

The stereotypes are mind boggling!

midori...but you would say that would'nt you?

It is the circles again and we are going around and around.

I'm non-Forces, and have tried to put across my stance a few times, but it kept being dragged bac to the "unfairness" of CEA (which does jsut sound like sour grapes, tbh)

agree completely with poster who says that children who want ot go boarding are not necesarily desprate to get away form anyhitng, but morelikely to be desperate to try out/get involved in what is on offer.

do teenagers who do not board, but prefer to spend time with their friends rather than their parents also get classed as "desperate to get away from something" I wonder?

I know I was not beileve when I said my son at 7 wanted to board (he didn't until he was 9 and then only two nights a week)
But was his choice......he didn't run away from an awful home life......he went to experience a life he couldn't have at home!
He loves me, I love him we have a fantastic relationship. I miss him and still wish he was at home but understand why he wants to be doing what he is doing at the moment.....if he came home tonight and said I don't like it, I don't want to go back....fine no pressure come home.....his choice not mine

No circles MrsChips, those who are in the situation we are understand the choices, and also that life is not black and white, but shades of grey, and that compromises have to be made.

If it makes you feel any better, the one person in all of this who is always never really happy because she is either away from her kids or her dh is the wife. There, the thought of lots of not so happy women probably makes your day doesn't it?

Are you saying it couldn't possibly be true then and that I am convincing myself it is true because I am such a crap mother my sons can't wait to get away from me?!

Of course, you would doubt it could be true, because that helps your arguement...

Mrs chips, how old are your dcs, just out of nosiness interest?

"the one person in all of this who is always never really happy because she is either away from her kids or her dh is the wife"

Certainly, that can be true of us from time to time.

agree, lucylu.

I full yexpect dd2 will come home on day at around 8ish, and ask to board flexibly, along wiht her friends.

one or two nights a week, form 9 ish would be ok with me at the thought - she is only 4!

but just the same as sleepovers with friends.

childrne going to boarding school is not as polarised as a lot of posters want to make out, and I have been really baffle dby the scrutiny and denigrating of Forces families.

The attitude expressed by some to the Forces has been just downright nasty.

Yes but we tend to be quite tough and it's water off a duck's back to me. I think some posters just show themselves up really with their various inabilities.

Doesn't bother me.

OK have just caught up on thread after cooking supper for 2 little darlings. I have taken a long hard look and realised what is best. Monday morning I will be talking to my solicitor and divorcing my wonderful DH as he will not leave the army to live in our own home, as there is not much call in civvy street for someone who can run miles with weight and shoot people. Then I will remove my older DCs from their BS (as I don't want to neglect them anymore) and go live in a council house, no wait I won't get one so it will be a rented house for me and my 4 DCs on housing benefit. Then I will claim all I can in benefits as my youngest is not in school yet and live off the taxpayer. My DCs will see less of their dad as he will be miles away. Then I can go on the single parent MN post legitimately rather than as a single mum due to DH not being there as usual and my life will be happy and complete. My DCs will grow into broken home thugs and I can then drink myself stupid over the decissions I've made. But they will see me every day and we will be happy :)

Make that a double appointment mumof2 and we can both get divorced for the good of our children. Do you think we'd get a BOGOF offer if we went together?

lets try we should at least get a military discount don't you think or bring a friend introductory offer :)

and then WoD, LeQ and Mrschips would all be happy as broken families will be better than separated ones.

scary and jcs we could get together have a group divorce and live in a commune with our hippy chick kids just to make the world a happy place :)

I've stayed well away from this since it became clear in the first thread that the personal experiences of people who actually went to boarding school are of no interest to those who are determined to view things in a quite staggeringly blinkered way, and make deeply unpleasant personal attacks based upon that viewpoint. However, I have skimmed this second thread and I want to echo the previous poster who expressed admiration for the calm and balanced way the military wives and partners have put their point across. It speaks volumes for their confidence in the decisions they have made for their own families.

I am horrified at the attitudes that some posters have displayed towards them.

[ponders fun-sounding prospect of hippy chick commune and wonders if military connections are necessary for admission]

Yes they will be as we can't have a nuclear free hippy chick commune, and my ds would be horrified as having to be a hippy chick as he is a teenager with knobs on.

mumof2girls2boys - Thats a great idea, can I come along too. (wistfully dreams of the lost potential for cocktails on the terrace)!!!

Ah, but we'll provide Pimms and G&Ts around the campfire instead!

[wonders whether it would be unethical to persuade DP to enlist just to get into the commune for campfires and pimms]