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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to teach my kids that som

85 replies

Niceguy2 · 14/03/2011 20:52

Having just watched this on YouTube I am wondering if AIBU to teach my kids how to punch/kick & generally defend themselves properly?

I mean ok...officially they should tell the teacher's but let's be honest, would you have done as a child?

I was bullied as a kid by quite a few people as I was the only immigrant child in the school so an obvious target. Thinking back, it was only after I learned Karate and started fighting back (only after being provoked a lot) that it stopped.

So whilst its all well and good having anti-bullying policies and officially letting the teachers deal with bullies, AIBU to think the best way to ensure my kids don't get bullied is to make sure they know how to fight so potential bullies think twice first?

OP posts:

Original poster

Niceguy2 · 14/03/2011 20:53

oops, dunno what happened to the title!

OP posts:

bringonthegoat · 14/03/2011 20:55

YANBU - my advice will be to hit back and harder.

SecretNutellaFix · 14/03/2011 20:57

My father's advice to me was to never start a fight, but make sure you finish it.

Doesn't help if the bullying is verbal.

hardhatdonned · 14/03/2011 20:59

Teach them to be sharp tongued and quick witted with a touch of self defence. Don't go for the hit back harder line, they'll just come back in droves against your DC

SeeJaneKick · 14/03/2011 21:00

YABU..send them to Martial arts classes. There's a fair chance that they'll attempt to hit a kid who then mullers them. If they're trained properly by pro's then there is only a small chance they won't be able to defend themselves.

EngelbertFustianMcSlinkydog · 14/03/2011 21:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ismene · 14/03/2011 21:06

Agree with SeeJaneKick, martial arts classes would be a better option. DD does taekwondo and the ethos is very much that you do not start a fight but how to defend yourself. She has been taught breakaway techniques and how to kick and punch properly in self defence. I very much believe that self defence is an essential life skill.

Iwantscallops · 14/03/2011 21:14

DS has been taught to whack them back - then walk away.

It took a while for DH and myself to come to t

Iwantscallops · 14/03/2011 21:16

Don't know what happened there!

It took Dh and I a while to come to this conclusion but DS is certainly happier he can stick up for himself.

JsOtherHalf · 14/03/2011 21:19

DS started Karate recently, at 4. I wanted as much time of him doing it before he started school!

Original poster

Niceguy2 · 14/03/2011 21:21

I know what you mean SeeJaneKick but when DD was younger, she tried kick boxing for a couple of weeks. To be honest I found it a bit crap and not really for self defence.

Martial arts is not the same as self defence if you see what I mean. Knowing how to do a lovely spinning back kick is not really going to help much in a fight.

Ismene. Does your DD's class do sparring? Back when I was a lad learning Karate. This was where i learned the most. Nothing teaches faster than someone punching you in the head! Learning techniques is good for self confidence but I doubt in a real fight you'd have the presence of mind to remember.

OP posts:

bringonthegoat · 14/03/2011 21:28

I did Karate and Judo - all went out my mind when physically bullied. I just spun my book bag around whacking them and legged it. Self defence much better idea - they should do classes for kids.

SeeJaneKick · 14/03/2011 21:29

Kick boxing isn't a good choice for self defence though. Something like Ju Jitsu or Taikwondo would be better.

seeker · 14/03/2011 21:30

Oh, tis makes me sad.

Ismene · 14/03/2011 21:31

It is a class for 4-7 year olds and yes they do some sparring, but it is slightly controlled because they are quite young. They usually punch/kick pads or use padded sticks.

I disagree that learning techniques is only good for self confidence. I use restraint/breakaway in my line of work and if you repeat the techniques enough then it is amazing what comes back to you when you need it. It is also about using your voice and learning what will increase the likelihood of aggression from the other person.

Saltatrix · 14/03/2011 21:51

Casey Heynes has had enough of being bullied. This 16 year old kid has been tormented every single day of his short high school life - and today he snapped!! He was suspended and may be looking at criminal charges, all because this little runt thought he could make an example of Casey in front of his "TUFF buddies!!

I think you need to be careful about the degree of violence that you tell your kids is acceptable though the bully slammed on the floor and a broken shin and nose also the boy who was defending himself is the one being punished....

hardhatdonned · 14/03/2011 21:52

Why oh why oh why would you want a 4 year old doing karate 'just in case' why?!

Original poster

Niceguy2 · 14/03/2011 22:58

True Saltatrix but remember that Casey only had a split second to decide what to do whilst we can rewatch the video over & over.

I've been in a few fights in my youth and its not easy at all to judge what level of violence is acceptable....at the time all you want to do is survive and not get hurt.

Personally I think its clearly self defence. With one move he stopped the bully. He could have continued kicking, punching but he walked away as soon as the bully was down.

OK, the bully's injuries are regrettable but I'm sure most of us would think "Tough shit". He threw at least four punches before Casey fought back. Perhaps he should have thought of that before he picked on him whilst having his mate video it!

OP posts:

PaWithABra · 14/03/2011 23:04

"I promised you, dad, not to do the things you've done.
I walk away from trouble when I can.
Now please don't think I'm weak, I didn't turn the other cheek,
And papa, I sure hope you understand:

Sometimes you gotta fight when you're a man".

MillyR · 14/03/2011 23:14

I don't know if you actually have to be taught a martial art to hit someone back if they hit you. Doesn't it come quite naturally?

JarethTheGoblinKing · 14/03/2011 23:18

I intend to enroll DS in martial arts classes (if he's willing) once he's 4 or 5. I think it's an excellent form of exercise and teaches confidence and self-control. Plus, if you know jujitsu, hopefully nobody will pick on you!

PaWithABra · 14/03/2011 23:23

my son has being jujitsu a good while now.

I think it takes many years before it would be any use in a real life fight.

walk away is the best advice.

PaWithABra · 14/03/2011 23:23

or rather ,

is my advice

Joolyjoolyjoo · 14/03/2011 23:24

I spoke to a karate teacher about it, as I would like my kids to do a martial art. I think it would improve their self-confidence, coordination and concentration. Karate teacher told me that you can tell a child who does karate or the like, because they walk tall. I have no great desire for my kids to learn to kick the living daylights out of someone, but I think a quiet confidence goes a long way, in all walks of life.

I did kick jitsu for a while, but when I was attacked in the street all my training went out the window, and I ended up panicking and kicking the guy in the balls But I do boxercise and combat, and although it's just in fun, I do know how to throw a decent punch, should it be required!

JarethTheGoblinKing · 14/03/2011 23:31

Jooly, ditto.

Martial arts can be extremely useful if used properly. In Japan they do them as PE!

I did some kickboxing, but also some combat and it bizarrely did come in useful. I once did a beautiful spinny-flying kick to some bullying shitbag who was trying to knock me to the floor and beat me up. I kicked him clean across the room!

I also managed to floor a huge guy who was threatening my friend while we were on a night out. He had her by the throat and was pushing her against the bus stop. Tiny me managed to get him off her, and twist him to the ground.. I dread to think what might have happened otherwise.

It's about standing up for yourself. It's about teaching children that fighting is never acceptable, but if someone wants to mash their head into the wall, it would hopefully give them the confidence and the skill to defend themselves.

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