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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think dh should not just watch tv with the baby

102 replies

Wildpoppy · 13/03/2011 22:41

Each weekend my dh takes our now 3 month old baby downstairs when she wakes - about 7am, and I lie in until about 11. No complaints there - it's how I get through the week. But when I come downstairs they are usually watching tv together. He says he plays with her and I am sure he does, and she naps too, and he can't play with he for four hours, but aibu to think that he shouldn't be sitting there with her watching tv? Fine to have it on in background, but I am alone with her all week and I very rarely have the tv on unless she is feeding (we mix feed so mostly bf when with me and bottles when he is looking after her). Probably I am being unreasonable - am sure the tv doing no harm. But shouldn't he be enjoying interacting with her without it?

OP posts:
Original poster
Wildpoppy · 14/03/2011 18:06

Also at what point did interaction (the word I used in the original post) become stimulation. Interaction is chatting to the baby, smiiing at her, stroking her etc. Not for four hours as my original post makes perfectly clear, but some of the time. But I should know about the aibu threads - you read what you want to read. So annoying.

OP posts:
thepoweroflunch · 14/03/2011 18:09

Ignore them wildpoppy, they're obviously just jealous of your (well earned) lie-in Grin

DuelingFanjo · 14/03/2011 18:11

maybe it would be more useful if he lent a hand with the night feeds, then maybe Wildpoppy should feel grateful? I'm amazed at all the people telling her she should be grateful for a lie in, why should she, he seems to get hours of uninterrupted sleep all week. Damn right he should be getting up early sometimes.

I also disagree a bit with the whole 'three month olds are boring and do nothing', they do need some interaction and it is worth doing more than sitting in front of the TV.

Awhiteelephantintheroom · 14/03/2011 19:48

I don't get all this stuff either about the OP having to be grateful to her DH for looking after his own child.

howtodo · 14/03/2011 20:09

YABU it's boring sitting with someone who doesn't talk for hours on end. Yes, you can play a few games and have a chat - but you can do that while you're listening to the news or sport results when they're 3 months old.

Portofino · 14/03/2011 20:23

Dd and I had a cuddle and watched CSI and Law and Order of an afternoon for the whole of my maternity leave. She used to doze off. It was gorgeous, but what was I supposed to be doing ?

DuelingFanjo · 14/03/2011 20:43

to be truthful I find it a bit weird that people think babies of this age are boring and need little stimulation. I feel a bit embarrassed now that I read/show books to mine (12 weeks) and have conversations (admittedly one sided) with him. I don't feel like I am trying to hothouse him or anything like that, and we don't have a particular routine but when he's not feeding or sleeping I like to do more than just watch tv, he gets a bit vocal if I don't!

At this age you get lots of smiles and responses, I think it's lovely. Though I do understand people can't be expected to interact with their babies all the time.

VajazzHands · 14/03/2011 20:50

I don't see why the OP should be grateful for a lie in Hmm presumably she needs some time off. Don't think its unreasonable for your DH to not spend the couple house they have alone staring at telly either

So YANBU

VajazzHands · 14/03/2011 21:00

I also think its sad some people find their own childen boring.

howtodo · 14/03/2011 21:15

I don't know Vajazz - 3 month olds are up from say anything from 5am to 12pm at night.

Are you telling me you don't have the telly or radio at all in that time?

I think it's nice my dh has the rugby or other sport on whilst he's playing with dc in the early morning.

jenniferturkington · 14/03/2011 21:20

yanbu. It is lazy parenting. Can't believe all the 'you should just be grateful he lets you lie in' posts, why shouldn't she have a lie in after doing all night shifts?
Also alot of posts are very patronising to men. Most of the fathers I know are equal parents- able to meet their children's needs just as well as the mothers. I'm sorry for those of you who have to tell your child's father when it needs feeding or changing.
In this case, I am perfectly happy for dh to have the telly on at the weekends (either for him or the children) but not for four hours and not at the expense of breakfast being given, kids being dressed, dishwasher emptied etc etc, all be it not in the manic rush of a week day.

ledkr · 14/03/2011 21:25

Blimey im on series 3 of the wire since dd was born 6wks ago Grin

jenniferturkington · 14/03/2011 21:28

that's different ledkr, I would imagine you are on the own with your baby for an awful lot longer than 4 hours on a Saturday morning!

howtodo · 14/03/2011 21:35

I'm interested to know - exactly now said dh should entertain a 3 month yr old - who can't sit up - for 4 hours.

Figgyrolls · 14/03/2011 21:42

I am most jealous of the lie in, but even now at 7 months ds watches tv or lies on his play gym. I don't have time to interact the whole time, however I am pretty sure he wouldn't be interested unless I was wagging a toy in front of him which after about 5 mins gets immensely dull for me.

Don't worry - in about a years time you can be reassured that they won't be doing that! If it makes any difference my dd and my dh watch telly together, all snuggled up without doing any chatting at all, she likes the closeness as she doesn't always see him during the week.

Figgyrolls · 14/03/2011 21:43

ledkr tv was/is my friend............my very best friend. Thank the lord for cbeebies!

Portofino · 14/03/2011 21:58

When dd was 3 months old, well....it's hard to remember. I think she woke up got fed, whilst i watched TV. Then she went in her bouncy chair and i chatted whilst I did "stuff". then she went to sleep. Then she woke up for elevenses then went in her baby gym. Then she went to sleep again.... It wasn't that exciting generally. I did enjoy my afternoon snuggles in front of the tv though. I wish she would do that now.

howtodo · 14/03/2011 21:59

Yes - I don't understand how having the tv on in the background is lazy parenting.

Unless you're not feeding them or changing their nappy.

LeQueen · 14/03/2011 22:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Portofino · 14/03/2011 22:00

Figgy - my dd loves watching tv with her dad too. I have no patience for it. He has even sat and explained the offside rule, and how to play rugby. They get all snuggled up. I am a bit Envy to be quite honest.

mercibucket · 14/03/2011 22:07

and no-one's said pfb yet?

RitaMorgan · 14/03/2011 22:28

I don't feel grateful for DP looking after his baby either. But I also wouldn't interfere or tell him what to do during his time (unless he was neglecting the baby's basic needs, which he wouldn't).

I also wouldn't expect him to tell me what to do in my time though, which includes watching TV or mumsnetting while ds amuses himself. I didn't think my baby was boring at 3 months, just certainly not in need of any entertaining.

Snorbs · 14/03/2011 23:17

OP, these mornings - does your DH make sure that your baby is clean and fed? Or when you get up is she always in need of changing and starving?

LeQueen · 15/03/2011 08:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

unclejim · 15/03/2011 08:34

sounds like he does feed and change baby op just seems annoyed that hes watching t.v which i dont get,hes still bonding with the baby and there having there little cosy time together how lovely,theres so many women on here who jump on the attack of men at any oppertunity and then onto the EVIL t.v debate,get a grip people not every post is about a neandethol man just your average bloke trying to do his best whats bloody wrong with that?i wouldn,t want mine any other way,o.p your bloke sounds alright i,d enjoy your new baby and not worry about such things Smile