Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Does your MIL talk to you like this ?

48 replies

mamatomany · 11/03/2011 17:25

Yesterday we were having a civilised conversation about my career and DH's plans for his business when announced if he did a certain thing she'd have a right go at him.
I saw red and jumped to his defense and suggested having a right go at a 42 year old was unacceptable and would she want to have a go at me too if I did the same, to which she answered I was being silly, I felt about 12.
I don't expect her to tip toe around me after 9 years but I don't expect quite the same bluntness I'd probably put up with from my own mother - but still not like iyswim.

OP posts:
frasersmummy · 11/03/2011 17:33

my mother in law has just phoned me up annd has had a go at me because "I have been bad mouthing her all over the playground and its not nice for her to go there"

the basis of this rant... someone she hasnt been introduced to but I have become friends with doesnt talk to her

eh could it be that she doesnt know you???

no aparenntly it cant be .. I am the daughter in law from hell been telling them what a bitch she is !!!

so yeah mine does talk to me like this

inkyfingers · 11/03/2011 17:33

All depends what the last 9 years have been like and what his relationship with him mother is like. If you've posted this now, it sounds out of character for her? In which case YABU. Mothers can 'have a go' at their sons, and generally it's a loving, involuntary reaction after 'pull your socks up and finish your homework'. All depends on the relationship.

BuzzLiteBeer · 11/03/2011 17:34

I'd be more concerned about the way you spoke to her. Hmm

femalevictormeldrew · 11/03/2011 17:35

Yep mine would. And worse.

NestaFiesta · 11/03/2011 17:38

YABU. I am 41 and my Dad still tells me off. I don't find it unusual for a parent to "have a go" at their grown up children. It's a natural parental instinct.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 11/03/2011 17:40

Without knowing more, it sounds like you were spoiling for a fight and that you started it!

Surely your husband is capable of marshalling his own defences, seeing as he's 42 and not a child?

You behaved like you were 12, she treated you like you were 12. Not your finest hour, or hers either. I would just forget about it if I were you.

And no mine wouldn't, but that's because I give her no reason to.

GORGEOUSX · 11/03/2011 17:41

My MIL speaks to me in the most appalling fashion and is the proverbial Old Bag - and I'm 50 years old! She sneers and is curt and dismissive of me. I get my own back by inviting my family to all family occasions and only inviting her once or twice a year. Grin

Original poster
mamatomany · 11/03/2011 17:42

Mmmm Well I'm more than happy to not speak to her at all if it bothers her Grin
I am not her child, never have been, never will be.
If she wants to have a go at DH and he wants to put up with it that's one thing.

OP posts:
MorticiaAddams · 11/03/2011 17:42

I'm with your mil and think your reaction was silly.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 11/03/2011 17:51

I know you aren't her child, but you put yourself inbetween her and her son - so were therefore legitimately in the firing line. Sorry Grin

Original poster
mamatomany · 11/03/2011 18:03

I wouldn't mind but he hadn't done anything, I should have just ignored her but she does wind me up. My mother has her faults but she wouldn't dream of butting in the way his mother does.

OP posts:
LessNarkyPuffin · 11/03/2011 18:09

There may be loads of back history I don't know about but what she said doesn't sound too bad.

fedupofnamechanging · 11/03/2011 18:37

It doesn't really matter how old your children are, they are still your babies and you are still their mum. With that in mind, lots of mothers feel free to express their opinions without tact or diplomacy to their very adult 'children'. Unless she is belittling him or being abusive, I think she is entitled to speak to her son feely and he is just as entitled to tell her that he knows what he is doing wrt his own business (gently telling her to butt out).

You didn't need to interfere here, but I see why it is hard to hear criticism of your DH.

She wouldn't speak to you that way because you are not her daughter.

fedupofnamechanging · 11/03/2011 18:38

feely should say freely

diddl · 11/03/2011 19:01

Well it sounds as if it was just that thing that people say-"I´d be cross/upset/whatever if x does a certain thing"

The person probably has no intention of doing it,so it´s irrelevant.

In that case it does seem as if you totally overreacted.

eileenslightlytotheleft · 11/03/2011 19:03

Alibaba is right - you did start it. Now you have to put some energy into smoothing things over/pretending all is fine. Bad luck!

exoticfruits · 11/03/2011 19:19

Strange that your mother can say something but DHs can't-I can't follow the logic.

saffy85 · 11/03/2011 19:25

My MIL patronises me a fair bit. I find this infuriating as she hasn't got a clue wtf she's on about. Hmm And neither does anyone else.

Original poster
mamatomany · 11/03/2011 19:27

My mother couldn't say anything, but more to the point wouldn't I guess. Just comes down comfort levels I guess.

OP posts:
Original poster
mamatomany · 11/03/2011 19:30

In the contex of the conversation which it's pointless going into it wasn't an over reaction, am surprised people feel their MIL has the same authority for want of a better word in talking to them as your own mother.

OP posts:
andenuvathing · 11/03/2011 19:31

My MIL is very "vocal". My DH & SILs pointed out she is that way to me as I am "family". She can be an utter biatch at times. My advice is to roll with it. Life really is too short. Wine

PoweredbyTea · 11/03/2011 19:52

"I don't expect quite the same bluntness I'd probably put up with from my own mother"

I think this is the key. She was initially addressing HER son, not you - and you interrupted. So in a way you asked for it. Clearly she still shouldn't be rude to you but we're all human. I've heard worse stories about MIls to be honest! Maybe just put this one down to experience unless she is awful all the time.

PigValentine · 11/03/2011 20:01

surprised people feel their MIL has the same authority for want of a better word in talking to them as your own mother.

Ummm..she is DH's own mother.

She would "have a go" because he is her son - the same as your own mum might "have a go" at you for something - you were the one who asked if she would do the same to you - the answer of course is no, because you're not her child (and as you have pointed out, you talk to your own child in a way you wouldn't another adult) and so you were being silly. You probably felt 12 because, really, you know you were being silly.

Don't think I've been on the side of the MIL before. I need a Wine

doley · 11/03/2011 20:06

My MIL talks to me not only as if I am 12, but also very stupid .
I try to remember (as I have sons too ) that she has a right to give her opinion as they were once her babies .

Sorry though (for you :) )

2rebecca · 11/03/2011 20:15

Why can't your husband reply to his own mother without you sticking your oar in? Poor bloke, caught between 2 control freaks!