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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think women are still fanciable at forty

121 replies

rozbury · 09/03/2011 12:40

DH and myself had a recent night out with a friend and her DH and the conversation got around to age gaps in relationships. We are all in our 40s.

My friend's DH then came out with the statement "all men in their forties and fifties would be with a 20 something woman if they had the opportunity". He then asked my DH if he would rather be with a 20 something woman. Luckily for him, my DH was too embarrassed to answer and changed the subject.

This comment has been on my mind abit because since having the kids I struggle to see myself as attractive anyway and now I'm looking at my DH thinking am I too old for him, even though he is 5 years older than me!!

I know loads of gorgeous women in their 40s so is this guy just a sexist pig or is there an element of truth in what he is saying?

OP posts:

Rohanda · 10/03/2011 19:25

"Age cannot wither her,
Nor custom stale her infinite variety..

Most women cloy the appetites they feed
But she makes hungry where most she satisfies"

Now Cleopatra was getting on a bit at the time.

Depends on the woman. Can be dull at 20 but a seductress and highly fanciable at 40-50plus. Confidence is everything.

older women? 'is it getting warm in here?'

ninah · 10/03/2011 19:27

although cleo was described as exceptional in that regard
and I bet she was in her 30s

Rohanda · 10/03/2011 19:29

she was 47.

OP - not every woman is faciable to every man/woman at 40plus, but they never are at any age. it's what tickles your fancy.

ninah · 10/03/2011 19:32

really? fantastic
rohandra you made my day there!

Rohanda · 10/03/2011 19:33

it's what I'm here for.

ninah · 10/03/2011 19:35

puts bananarama on

PepsiPopcorn · 10/03/2011 19:37

YANBU

A1980 · 10/03/2011 23:13

I don't quite beleive it when people say they look better at 40 then they did at 20.

When I look at photos of my 20 year old self I would give anything to look like that again and I'm only 32 now.

I'm not afraid to be that age though. I know women who are in their late 40's and look absolutely amazing and are young things attitude wise.

But I don't buy the looking better at 40 than 20 thing.

Rohanda · 10/03/2011 23:16

Well, I do buy it when a woman is so much more confident when older than younger. Iwould be much more attracted to a woman who knows what she likes and says it, rather than a young thing who doesn't know her own arse from her elbow.

A1980 · 10/03/2011 23:20

More confident now yes, but I'd give anything for that 20 year old youthfulness back..... When you haven't yet been worn out with debt, work, kids, etc.

BranchingOut · 10/03/2011 23:25

I read something once saying that a man biologically has the most attraction to a woman half his age plus 9 years.

30 = 24 year old
36 = 27 year old
40 = 29 year old
48 = 35 year old
60 = 39 year old
80 = 49 year old

I don't know of the truth of this, but the age gaps aren't unlikely, except perhaps for men of 60 plus!

BeenBeta · 10/03/2011 23:26

That was probably very true in Victorian times for economic and health reasons.

edam · 10/03/2011 23:29

My father divorced my stepmother when he was in his late 40s. I was shocked by how many younger women chased him. But my Dad's never been interested in dating people who don't have the same cultural references as him. He's had a few long-term relationships, all with women his own age.

Men who ditch their wives and go out with someone 20 years younger just look desperate and afraid of the passage of time, IMO. (Although I'm prepared to admit this is a gross generalisation that does not apply to any MNers or their current partners.)

Rohanda · 10/03/2011 23:30

tje fault is in the queation.
"to think women are still fanciable in their 40's"

that question should go to the possible 'consumer-group', perhpas dadsnet round here.

my answer is "depends". Whatever history she has, or even 'looks', her confidence in herself is a major aphrodisiac.

branchingout - that's pretty random. Biologically maybe ( whatever that means) but attraction-wise not so.

HalfPastWine · 11/03/2011 00:17

I work in an office full of blokes aged 20 - 60 and no matter what age a woman is they ALL check her out, they can't help themselves! I do hear a lot of the older ones saying they prefer younger women but 'prefering' and actually 'getting' are two different things !!! If you think about it, in our minds we're all still 20 something even if our bodies are that much older so I suppose these guys still think they can pull women from that age group. Plus, they try to do it just to prove they can, makes them feel like they haven't lost 'it', whatever 'it' may be!

thornykate · 11/03/2011 00:24

I think men who make statements like that would prefer to be with a less confident woman as much as any physical attraction.

Am not saying that all 20 year olds lack confidence but a lot of women are quite self assured at 40, they are aware of what they want & need themselves & they won't take as much crap from men like that!

Rohanda · 11/03/2011 00:40

I am very fairly sure that you are right kate. 'Older' women are still a fantasy for younger men, esp, inexperienced ones, and they are also more of an intellectually and emotionally equal for older men which makes them attractive to that male demograph.
So either way, older women have it! Hands down. as it were.

MoChan · 11/03/2011 08:08

A1980

I am in my late thirties. If I look back at photos from my teenage years through to my mid-thirties, I'd say that I generally look most attractive in the early thirties ones. I think I had my moments prior to that, but I honestly think I got more attractive as I got a bit more mature. It's difficult to explain it, but I always say "I needed to grow into my face".

I think it's different for everyone. Some people bloom early, some later.

carmenelectra · 11/03/2011 13:34

I agree MOchan. I that I looked best when I was about 32 ish. Maybe it was something to do with my image in my 20's! All big hair and odd make up!

However, since then to this this present day, I have slowly 'declined'. Not a mess, or anything. Still very slim, nice hair and make up. Young clothes. I just look like i have aged.

I do feel sad that I think I am now past my best

carmenelectra · 11/03/2011 13:36

Branchingout, I think your theory sounds pretty accurate to me.

Now I know the reason only 60 yr olds seem to give me the eye- cos I look like a young bird to them lol

Ormirian · 11/03/2011 13:41

I think I looked best in my early 40s. Hadn't aged much, was slim because I had made a huge effort to lose weight after DS2, dressed bette, had more self-confidence. But I'm afraid it all started to go south in the last few years - might be the menopause but my skin has definitely got more lined and my waist isn't quite the same anymore

At whatever age I have been I tend to look back at pictures of my earlier and think I was lovely and why didn't I appreciate it more! I think that is normal but I did look like gawky and awkward until my mid twenties IMO.

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