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AIBU?

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Original poster

to think women are still fanciable at forty

121 replies

rozbury · 09/03/2011 12:40

DH and myself had a recent night out with a friend and her DH and the conversation got around to age gaps in relationships. We are all in our 40s.

My friend's DH then came out with the statement "all men in their forties and fifties would be with a 20 something woman if they had the opportunity". He then asked my DH if he would rather be with a 20 something woman. Luckily for him, my DH was too embarrassed to answer and changed the subject.

This comment has been on my mind abit because since having the kids I struggle to see myself as attractive anyway and now I'm looking at my DH thinking am I too old for him, even though he is 5 years older than me!!

I know loads of gorgeous women in their 40s so is this guy just a sexist pig or is there an element of truth in what he is saying?

OP posts:
Mobly · 09/03/2011 15:24

Rita Lynn, I suppose it is slightly, yes but I was joking.

Really think an attractive woman in her 20's is still likely to be attractive in her 40's unless the bloke is inadequate and needs youth on his arm.

Bizarre really.

DaisyDaresYOU · 09/03/2011 16:07

I know what you mean.We have dcs and we are engaged.I had some man in the pub tell my dp why his gf wasn't in school.I l'm a quite type,well lets jusy say I wasn't that day and quite a few other people asked what it had to do with him anyway.

DaisyDaresYOU · 09/03/2011 16:09

Omg my spelling is awful.I meant quiet Blush

FabbyChic · 09/03/2011 16:11

Older men who have women young enough to be their daughters do so because it makes them feel younger.

Im 46, can still pass for 34 and am still as attractive as I was at 30 now. Just the wrinkles around the eyes I've to get done!

halfcaffodils · 09/03/2011 16:13

I am 43 and still got it Wink
I am sure there is some biological programming that attracts men to younger women, but there are lots of blokes who only have eyes for their own dw/dp.

manicbmc · 09/03/2011 16:13

I'm 41 and have never had so much fun in my life. Grin

My dp is 32. He says he doesn't care what our ages are because he loves me (and I am a bit portly).

A man who'd rather have a 20 something bimbo is shallow. As is a woman who'd rather have a 20 something bimbo. Grin

DaisyDaresYOU · 09/03/2011 16:17

Dps sister is 40 and bloody gorgeous.I have to say she's always been gorgeous, alot of men have hidden feelings for her(i think she knows though)So they tell me.

IcingOnTheCakes · 09/03/2011 16:21

"Older men who have women young enough to be their daughters do so because it makes them feel younger."

Wow that is really ignorant. Some men do this yes - but it doesn't last long. Some men aren't actually that shallow though believe it or not.

My dh doesn't care for age, getting older doesn't bother him at all.

DaisyDaresYOU · 09/03/2011 16:38

I must feel really old then being with an older man teehee

IcingOnTheCakes · 09/03/2011 16:40

With myself and dh we are about the same age mentally. He is about 35 mentally and so am iGrin

DaisyDaresYOU · 09/03/2011 16:54

.If dp acted like a boring old fart i would not of got together with him.His always been young at heart that's just him not because he has me.It's not age gaps that are the problem.It's the silly ppl like ops dhs mate that think all men want a younger model.No they don't just like all women don't want a toy boy.The only people in age gaps relationships that annoy me are the ronnie wood type men.Where age is obviously a factor oh and the fact he has loads money and they are silly enough to think young women fancy them

IcingOnTheCakes · 09/03/2011 16:56

shudders at the thought of Ronnie Wood

DaisyDaresYOU · 09/03/2011 16:57

Lol I know ewww

IcingOnTheCakes · 09/03/2011 17:05

But yeah, it is cliches like that which make narrow minded people think older men only want a young 20 something for her body and a 20 something only wants the 40 something man for his money.

I came on this thread thinking yes of course women in their 40s are attractive and sexy, because i think alot are. But it got my back up abit when 40 something women and men come saying things like "I can't imagine finding a 20 something interesting" and basically saying a woman in her 20s can't be interesting, they just look goodHmm

higgle · 09/03/2011 17:05

Womes in their 40's and 50's can still be attractive, but most of them now seem to be overweight and not very well groomed. I exercise, eat sensiboly and spend quite a lot at the hairdressers and on a youthful but not muttony wardrobe. I get lots of compliments and twinkliness from 40+ males.

Asteria · 09/03/2011 17:10

"What first attracted you to short, balding, millionaire Paul Daniels?" Grin

theDudesmummy · 09/03/2011 17:15

I am 47 and DH is 40 (met when I was 40 and he was 33). He certainly still fancies me a lot!

Asteria · 10/03/2011 11:22

oh - just occured to me that I have been on the other end of this one - complete slap the forehead moment!! I can't believe that I didn't think of it sooner...
I was 23 and my DS's father was 37 when we met. Ironically enough I was wearing a schoolgirl outfit when I conceived my DS... Blush A couple of years after I came to my senses we parted company he married a woman who (if memory serves) was older than him, so that redresses the balance slightly!

MitchiestInge · 10/03/2011 11:29

unreasonable to think men are shallow for preferring younger women but not acknowledging how shallow it is to care? am looking forward to gradually becoming invisible now I'm 40 and have never been all that fanciable - I mean I wouldn't have fancied me at any age so far!

IntergalacticHussy · 10/03/2011 11:37

i think it depends on the man. the men who would give it all up to fuck a 20 yr old are not the men i would hope i would be interested in anyway.

I think it's very important for women, or people generally to try and retain their individuality and self confidence as they get older, as that's what really makes us more attractive than identikit 20 somethings with their hair all over their eyes. And i'm only 29 (for a few more weeks at least) so what do i know, eh?

if we allow ourselves to be devalued just because society/the media thinks we should be carted off like it's 'Logan's Run' or something, we miss out on half of what life is about.

kerstina · 10/03/2011 12:55

Yes exactly Intergalactic hussy I would not want to be with someone shallow enough to go off with a much younger woman purely for looks. That does not mean that I cannot appreciate the beauty of a young woman it is natures way to attract a mate. Although I might have been much prettier in my youth I prefer me now and have a lot more to offer a partner as I am a more rounded person.

luvviemum · 10/03/2011 18:58

I'm forty and I think I can still look smokin although it does take a bit more effort these days!

When you have young kids and are no longer the sole focus of your own attention, it's easy to let things go a bit but I'm determined not to do that.

Young women and men look gorgeous even after a night on the tiles but forty plus, you need to take care of yourself to stay on form.

As for that blokes stupid comment, I bet his wife was delighted! He sounds like a sexist pig and probably looks like one too! He could even be one of those strange controlling men who constantly try to put women down and make them feel insecure. Just a theory.

ninah · 10/03/2011 19:03

I def looked better 20 years ago
but I am really don't care
20 years ago I needed male validation much more than I do today.
that bloke just sounds quite rude and insecure, feel for his poor dw actually

BeenBeta · 10/03/2011 19:08

It was a strange thing to say in front of his wife.

He was factually wrong anyway. Not all men in their 40s or 50s want a 20 yr old.

BristolJim · 10/03/2011 19:09

People in their 20s are sexier than people in their 40s?

I hope someone, somewhere is holding the front page.