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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pleased DS said what he did.......

183 replies

mumbar · 08/03/2011 20:35

even though I told him it wasn't his place.

Basically DS school do awards for 100% attendance. (I personally do not agree with these)

Been out at hospital appointment so late and when signing DS in he saw the list from last term (sept-Dec).

He asked where he name was and I said he'd had 1 1/2 days off so wouldn't be there.

DS reply (in front of HT Blush)

' but Mummy, one for hospital appointment and 1 was when I had allergic reaction at night, its not my fault I have allergies'.

This is totally my opinion (well any child with chronic medical needs who can't help missing school).

I have never expressed this in front of him but abviously children do notice these things. Sad

OP posts:
Bubbaluv · 08/03/2011 20:40

YANBU. I'm all for a bit of confrontation, so would probably have loudly answered something along the lines of..."Yes, it is completely unfair to award children for this when they are already the lucky ones with perfect health".

sourdoughface · 08/03/2011 20:40

yeah but where would you draw the line with all the daft things they label kids with these days

that school refusal crap, or the oppositional defiance whatnot

anyone could say oh i wasnt there that day because i didnt feel like it

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 08/03/2011 20:41

I think most parents hate the 'attendance awards', they don't mean anything. The 100% though is not going to take account of any deviations as some parents do allow their childen to be off school 'sick' when they aren't.

It's an obvious observation and I expect the HT would probably agree, in principle, but unless they change the format of the award, it's going to stay the same.

I'd like to see a 'perseverence award', or 'most improved work', or something like that. Anything other than the pointless attendance award.

Ooopsadaisy · 08/03/2011 20:41

I think he's probably learning a valuable lesson - life ain't fair but them's the rules.

lazylula · 08/03/2011 20:43

My ds1 has had 4 days off in 2 terms, 2 days for a fever followed by sickness, 2 days for sickness bug followed by fever. None of which were his fault, but he doesn't have chronic medical needs as such, so while I understand what you are saying, it isn't most children's fault that they are ill.

mememe30 · 08/03/2011 20:44

The 100% attendance awards really annoy me. My friends children always get them because she just gives them calpol and sends them to school where they promptly spread their bugs all round and my asthmatic child gets ill and suffers

dementedma · 08/03/2011 20:45

teach him that life sucks sometimes. A valuable lesson for the future Grin

Original poster
mumbar · 08/03/2011 20:46

I agree oops I'm forever telling him lifes not fair. Grin I'm sure he hates it like I did when my mother said it to me. Wink

I think though having unknown allergies and anaylphalaxis is probably enough unfairness is his eyes, he just thinks I have to deal with this and don't get an award for it.

I have never made a fuss about the attendance award when he's had it.

I told him I was proud of him for going to school everyday he was able.

OP posts:
coinoperatedgirl · 08/03/2011 20:47

Yanbu, are we supposed to send ill children into school just so some arbitrary attendance level can be achieved.

Thats really a crappy lesson to learn, Ooopsadaisy, if life is unfair due to unfair rules, surely we should try to change the rules rather than lump it.

babyapplejack · 08/03/2011 20:47

YANBU to be pleased at him speaking up.

I would have said in front of HT that school rules need to be followed whether they are fair or not.

Katz · 08/03/2011 20:48

mumbar - we're in the same boat, DD2 sees 3 soon to be 4 different consultants, we try as much as possible to schedule hospital appointments for after school and holiday but this is difficult.

worraliberty · 08/03/2011 20:48

As much as it is tough on children who through no fault of their own have had to take time off...I still think 100% attendance from any child is a great achievement and something that should be recognised.

Or should it all be hushed under the carpet so as not to upset anyone who didn't achieve it? Sad

worraliberty · 08/03/2011 20:49

Oh..sorry about the bold Blush

Meow75 · 08/03/2011 20:49

The school where I work is introducing the Head Teacher's Endeavour Award for exactly this sort of instance.

It will be awarded by the HT to students nominated by staff members - not the cleverest or the best attenders, but the ones who persevere no matter what the difficulties but will always be a bit behind those others mentioned on account of lower ability or absences because of health issues.

Ooopsadaisy · 08/03/2011 20:50

Sounds like you have a very sensible approach mumbar.

It's hard knowing that there's an award you'll never achieve.

I will never lift the Women's trophy at Wimbledon, although I'd love to. I'm just not good enough at tennis and I'm about 100 years too old.

But there's no point in thinking it's not fair. Focus on the achievables.

Original poster
mumbar · 08/03/2011 20:50

babyapple Thats why I said to him in front of HT about being proud of him going everyday he's been able. I will always 'back up' school rules unless insanity! but its finding the wording that lets them understand you empathise whilst kind of saying 'tough' at the same time. Grin

OP posts:
lazylula · 08/03/2011 20:51

I also over heard a parent telling the teacher the other day that their child had been sick the night before, stressed that it had been 'quite alot' but that he had eaten breakfast and had kept that down so could they keep an eye on him. This child may very well have 100% attendance, but what about all the children he infected who's responsible parents will keep them off as per the schools 'rules'? I hate all this attendance thing, obviously if an otherwise healthy child is having lots of time off school then investigate but do not punish a child for bein ill once in a while.

Spatz · 08/03/2011 20:52

I also loathe the attendance awards. They are rewarding parental behaviour anyway. I always mention it on school feedback forms.

jollyma · 08/03/2011 20:52

Yanbu, its a very good point! I hate those certificates too but the kids love them. My ds doesn't attend the termly eucharist so has never got a certificate despite having excellent attendance. If i valued the award i'd complain as it really doesn't seem fair.

Original poster
mumbar · 08/03/2011 20:57

Oh jolly sorry I didn't mention religious exclusion. I shoudl have thought about that too.

It doesn't bother me as such, just feel for DS that there is an award that is hard for him to acheive, not impossible as he's had it once!!, but that there are barriars to prevent him acheiving this.

Oh the word inclusion just sprung to mind? Might be overthinking it now. Grin

OP posts:
worraliberty · 08/03/2011 21:00

Why would anyone begrudge a child an attendance certificate just because it's difficult/impossible for their own child to get one? Sad

Original poster
mumbar · 08/03/2011 21:06

I don't begrudge others, please don't misunderstand me.

I have never liked them personally.

I do find it Sad that DS has noticed his chances of getting one are reduced due to chronic condition (hospital apts/ allergic reactions).

He has had an attendance certificate before!! Actually it had the wrong term and year on it but I didn't get it corrected as I don't care and DS was just pleased to get a certificate. Grin He was just turned 5 at the time!!

OP posts:
worraliberty · 08/03/2011 21:11

Well that's fantastic so you do understand how great the kids feel when they get them Grin

It is a bummer for your little one. My 8yr old was 3 days away from his certificate when he fell in the garden and smashed his tooth...had to go to hospital to get fragments removed from his gum Sad

But eventually he was happier with the football we bought him for being brave Grin

tomhardyismydh · 08/03/2011 21:12

i think most teachers probably also think they are bit crap too.

my dd in reception came hooe saying ice skating days had been given out as 100% attendance rewards. but by the sounds of it her teacher realy played it, dd told me she said to the kids that she was very sorry for those who didnt get any, if she made the rules up they would all get them as they are all stars and some off them had even had chickenpops,,,think that bit was dds add on.

i thought that was very sweet.

worraliberty · 08/03/2011 21:20

In my son's Infant school they give half termly attendance certificates because they are more achievable. The Juniors give them termly.

If anyone gets 100% attendance for the whole year, they're given a gift certificate for WH Smith and their parents are invited to a special assembly and given a boquet of flowers.

So far only 3 (last year) managed the whole year..but I do think it's something that shouldn't go unrecognised/rewarded.