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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be pleased DS said what he did.......

183 replies

mumbar · 08/03/2011 20:35

even though I told him it wasn't his place.

Basically DS school do awards for 100% attendance. (I personally do not agree with these)

Been out at hospital appointment so late and when signing DS in he saw the list from last term (sept-Dec).

He asked where he name was and I said he'd had 1 1/2 days off so wouldn't be there.

DS reply (in front of HT )

' but Mummy, one for hospital appointment and 1 was when I had allergic reaction at night, its not my fault I have allergies'.

This is totally my opinion (well any child with chronic medical needs who can't help missing school).

I have never expressed this in front of him but abviously children do notice these things.

OP posts:

sixlostmonkeys · 09/03/2011 11:52

Some unfairnesses should be challenged, others should be regarded as simply "that's life"
It is totally fair to challenge aspects of this particular thing the enable the 'entering' of the challenge to be fair for all. - and this has been achieved in places.
All we can ask in all aspects of life is that the 'entering' be open and fair. Anything that occurs during the challenge should be seen as life/luck/oh dear better luck next time.
It would be unfair to prevent me from 'entering' a silence contest (even though I may have hayfever at the time). Should I sneeze during the contest is just bad luck, and I should not challenge the unfairness of my unavoidable sneeze. At least I was allowed to enter, partake and 'hope' to win. Maybe I can win the forthcoming snuffles competion?

All I'm trying to say is that a lot of good can come from something like this that encourages kids to at least try and aim for something. To ban something that may upset someone is a bit pc-ish

thefirstMrsDeVere · 09/03/2011 11:55

I am laughing (in a hollow manner) at the notion that my DD needed to learn that sometimes life is not fair

jeee · 09/03/2011 11:59

ChippingIn: I am entirely against the idea of attendance awards - for all the reasons everyone has said... but I honestly think that choosing the right battles to fight is an important lesson.

If the children were getting a big day out - as I believe is the case in some areas - I would be furious and would write to the head, even if my DC had happened to get lucky and have full attendance that year. But if we're just talking about a medal (given at my DCs school), I don't see that it's worth having a confrontation about.

ChippingInMistressSteamMop · 09/03/2011 11:59

tfmd - defies bloody belief that some people are so obtuse they cannot see the point being made here :(

6LM - I really can't see there being an award for the most days off due to chronic illness/disability - which is what there would need to be to make your 'snuffles' competition make any sense at all.

ChippingInMistressSteamMop · 09/03/2011 12:00

This is why I was not getting involved in this thread....

TheSleepFairy · 09/03/2011 12:01

DD1 has a blocked ear. I haven't sent her in today as she is a total bag of winge with an ear ache. I'm sure the teacher will appreciate me keeping her at home instead of sending her in to mop5 & whine at school all day about a sore ear.

Blu · 09/03/2011 12:01

SixLostMonkeys - under the DDA, continuing the award but not counting absences which are entirely due to disability or permanent disabling health conditions, would be considered 'reasonable adjustment'.

And continuiing the award under those terms is not 'banning' it.

Hay fever as an analogy of a disability or cancer? I guess that is not quite what you mean.

jeee · 09/03/2011 12:02

thefirstMrsDeVere, I'm sorry that I've belittled your DD's experiences - of course she knew that life was excrutiatingly unfair. Many apologies for that.

sixlostmonkeys · 09/03/2011 12:10

Chipping - (once again) you have misunderstood the meaning of my words. My example was a light-hearted attempt to show that for me, should I sneeze, I can simply look forward to another challenge. I was not saying that every competion should should have an Eddie the Eagle competition to run along side just to make 'everything' fair.
Therefor my snuffles competion does make sense - it says that there are some things we can win at and some things we can't. We don't need to dwell on those we can't.

Although this was a light-hearted comment (the snuffles) thing (snuffles being a funny word anyway) it does not mean that I am making light of disabilities. I am disabled myself (not that it matters)

sixlostmonkeys · 09/03/2011 12:13

Hay fever as an analogy of a disability or cancer? I guess that is not quite what you mean.

No, and sorry if it came across that way. I was going to use an actual example of mine (as I am disabled) but chose to use a lighter example as a way of saying this 'unfairness' can be applied to almost anything, be it serious or just a game of musical chairs, sleeping lions etc.

appolgies again

thefirstMrsDeVere · 09/03/2011 12:24

Feeling bit crap atm. Apologies accepted.

ChippingInMistressSteamMop · 09/03/2011 12:32

jeee - I do see what you are saying, but on the other hand I think that if the parents of the NT/Healthy/Non Disabled children say 'this is crap and needs to be changed' then things get changed - much more so than if it's just the parents of the other children bringing it to their attention.

I think it's one thing that the children can do - a way they can show understanding and compassion to their fellow pupils.

6LM but why have something within a school that 'excludes' chronically ill, disabled, SN children who have appointments, necessary days off out of their control? Why not adjust it to make it inclusive?? Or why not just hand out meaningfull awards instead of 'How lucky you are not to have been ill/how unlucky we are you parents dump you here ill or not' awards. Something where the child has done something to merit reward (yes I get that your son has been very sacrificing to get his 100% attendance reward, but that worries me too tbh).

sixlostmonkeys · 09/03/2011 13:00

Chipping - I have already acknowledged the fair changing of the award - the changes that don't exclude the disabled etc.
Not all the children who attend 'despite' illness run the risk of infecting others. Some attend 'despite' illness; illnesses that are not contagious.
A line has to be drawn and going on about all the many many reasons where a child will miss school is sillyness. If a good line is drawn then it should be deemed fair - otherwise such sillyness could be applied to anything a child partakes in in school.

Would you care to explain your last remark please?!

cornsilkee · 09/03/2011 14:13

I don't think it's silliness at all. These awards only exist so that schools can tick boxes for Ofsted.

ScarlettWalking · 09/03/2011 14:21

I am Sokol worried about dd starting school in sept. I just dont send her in when she is ill I feel it's wrong morally for others and for her who should just be resting to get well! I am in the minority believe me. I couldn't care less about a stupid attendance award, she is 4 and understands when she is poorly it's through no fault of her own fgs.

Original poster

mumbar · 09/03/2011 16:30

I would challenge the whole children who aren't artistic/ good at sports/ aceademically struggling not getting awards. DS got an award for writing as he tried really hard and eventually wrote more than 1 sentance when doing literacy. He got a certificate and continued to write 2 sentences. He progressed to 3 and got awarded again. This encouraged him to keep trying. He is still a terrible writer but he can acheive by effort here.

Short of not attending hospital appointments he cannot get 100% - not even with effort.

but true.

OP posts:

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 09/03/2011 16:47

I still think there shouldn't be an attendance certificate but looking at the further posts here, there's a huge disparity between the importance placed on attendance with the posters here and those from another thread where the parents are happy to take the children out school, at any time, just to get a cheap holiday.

That's why there's a crappy attendance 'certificate', I expect.

Some parents just don't care, some obviously do.

BunnyWunny · 09/03/2011 18:31

If your kids get awards for other things, I can't see why you are so bothered about them not getting an award for attendance? If it was the only thing ever given out in school then I could understand how you might be upset if your disabled/ill child had no chance of getting one. Around 98% of children are fit and well most of the time though and the attendance award isn't designed to beat up kids who have medical conditions, it's to praise those children/families that have attended every day.

Original poster

mumbar · 09/03/2011 18:42

Because awards should be a acheiveable for everyone IMO. Everyone can work hard, everyone can try and do their best, not everyone can feesably attend school 100% of the time.

OP posts:

pointydog · 09/03/2011 18:56

I would happily go around saying how rubbish I thought attendance certificates were.

I wouldn't bother getting het up about them but if the occasion arose I'd express my opinion.

edam · 09/03/2011 19:14

"I will never get 100% attendance because of my CP, I also wont get to be a adult either, it sucks." I think altinkum's niece showed exactly what is wrong with these awards right there. Showing greater maturity and wisdom, aged 6, than that of the adults who dream up and impose these horrible schemes.

ithaka · 09/03/2011 19:32

I agree 100%

ReindeerBollocks · 09/03/2011 20:29

We don't just deal with the schools stupid rewards systems but the EWO too who regularly sends us letters threatening court action for none attendance despite the school defending DS, and stating his medical condition.

I also don't understand why we think that the children who have 100% attendance are the hardest working? Rewards should be based on merit not on a strong immune system.

Good on mumbars DS and Altinkums niece for challenging an unfair system.

thumbwitch · 09/03/2011 20:49

Bunnywunny - if you have read any of this thread, you will see that in some cases, actually schools DO use the 100% attendance to effectively "beat up" children who cannot/do not manage it. By telling them that they are not the "good" ones, or by excluding them from Christmas parties. If that isn't "beating them up" psychologically, I don't know what is.
So although the original intention may not have been to "beat up" chronically ill children or those with disabilities, the way it is executed in some schools pretty much ensures that that is what happens.

And it is worth fighting that.

thefirstMrsDeVere · 09/03/2011 22:29

Is it worth mentioning the two children who missed out on the school party because they had time off for their father's funeral?

Anyone care to defend that? Life's not fair and all that

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