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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think wearing shoes indoors is disgusting?

542 replies

CJ2010 · 07/03/2011 20:24

I have a 'No shoes worn in the home' rule at my own house but I have noticed that a lot of people are not fussed if peps walk into their houses with their shoes on. Why do they allow this?

Last night when I arrived at my mum's, she ordered me not to enter the living room, as she had accidentially trod dog poo through the room and was busy scrubbing the floor. All because she bizzrely wears her shoes in her home. How hard is it to take your shoes off in the hallway, once you get home?

I tried to hide my annoyance as it is her home, but I wouldn't allow DD to crawl about on the floor. The room stunk of poo and i felt sick.

AIBU?

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 08/03/2011 16:21

If you are having a drinks party you have to expect some mess ...if you don't want mess ,don't have a party ...did the host not have a doormat?

BaroqueAroundTheClock · 08/03/2011 16:26

quicklookbusy - that's just rude. I think most of the people I ever visit (or visit here) are "shoes on/don't care" type......but if it's wet/muddy etc outside then its automatic to take their shoes off (and likewise with me)

CJ2010 · 08/03/2011 17:27

I'm so glad I started this thread!!!! Lol.

It's pleasing to hear than some of you have decided I am obviously,lower class; well I am working class for your guide. I'd also like to say to those posters, it takes one to know one....

Do middle/upper class people not have an issue with people walking through their homes in shoes? Could that be because they aren't the ones that have to do the cleaning up?

I don't really buy the argument that it's poor form to ask someone to remove their shoes though. I am an excellent host to my guests and make thenm feel very welcome. I think a lot of people are just not assertive enough to state their wishes and they have built up inner resentment.

BTW, I don't associate with people that have got stinky feet, so that's never an issue.

OP posts:
ShavingGodfreysPrivates · 08/03/2011 17:35

BTW, I don't associate with people that have got stinky feet, so that's never an issue

No doubt their farts smell of rosewater too.

Do you meet new people and ask to sniff their feet before welcoming them into your social circle Confused

lesley33 · 08/03/2011 17:37

"I am an excellent host to my guests and make thenm feel very welcome."

I wouldn't feel welcome if you asked me to take off my shoes. But I am so polite that you would never know this.

CointreauVersial · 08/03/2011 17:41

It's all very interesting.

I think there definitely was a class element to it all (not relevant any more, though). Maybe dating back to the working class man coming back from t'mill with boots covered in coal dust!!!

But it's definitely a more widespread habit now than it was in the 60s/70s; I think we are all much more precious about our pristine house interiors than we were in the past; also much more "germ-conscious" hence the rise in antibacterial cleaners....hmmm....maybe someone should write a thesis?!

Ooops, just noticed I'm still wearing my shoes.Grin

cumfy · 08/03/2011 17:44

In Japan the genkan is a universal feature in houses.

KittyBigglesworth · 08/03/2011 17:59

This isn't directed at the OP but those who practise the concept in general.

I wouldn't ask visitors to remove their shoes at the door because I think the object of being a host is to be welcoming and put someone at their ease (to a point!)

When a host asks their visitor (whether it be friends, family, acquaintances, handymen etc), whether they would mind removing their shoes and stands over their arched backs watching them unzipping, unbuckling and untying, there is a power play of kinds occuring; that may not be the host's intention but the discomfort and inconvenience is how it may make the visitor feel.

Once I've offered to take visitors' coats, I'd like them to sit down and make themselves comfortable -fast. It disrupts the flow of conviviality if the funniest thing that happened today is recounted to you via a muffled voice, three inches from the floor and you're watching the back of someone's head as they're telling you. If the visitors are older and they have to hold onto the back of a chair or side of a door frame to steady themselves when they remove footwear, it seems quite grand to suggest they do.

The inference is that the visitor may 'infect' the house or 'spoil' the carpet with their shoes.
Status quo must be maintained. To be frank, if the host is the one imposing rules, then perhaps it should be the host making the effort to discomfort his or herself rather than the visitor. They could cock a leg and allow the host to clean their soles with an anti-bac wipe then it would be seen as the host's indulgence.

At what point during this process does the host take the gift the visitor has usually brought with them? Before or after the instruction? "Oh right, thanks, stop! Don't step further, no, no, stop right there, yes by the door, if you wouldn't mind removing ..."?

I understand the debate about animal faeces being walked into the house or more likely in this era, TB/hepatitus bacteria from human spittle but past children's crawling age, it does seem bit neurotic much. The visitors could well have been sitting on a train/bus/pub seat in the same clothes they're now sitting on your sofa in or the last time their hands may have been washed may have been at dawn. If they walk around in their socks at home and also wear shoes on the same floor, then it's a pointless request. Where does it end? If the concern about bacteria is so profound then when not have wood floors that can be washed easily or a sheep dip at the entrance Wink

There are times, too, when you don't necessarily want you visitor to get too comfortable and asking them to remove shoes indicates an invitation to relaxation that isn't intended. I don't want that man with the clipboard, however nice, getting too cosy. I think I'd rather wonder what's on the underside of his shoe than witness the sight of a jaudiced toenail seeping through a clammy, threadbare sock.

PepsiPopcorn · 08/03/2011 17:59

"Do middle/upper class people not have an issue with people walking through their homes in shoes?

Could that be because they aren't the ones that have to do the cleaning up?"

  1. No
  2. No
LemonDifficult · 08/03/2011 19:05

"Do middle/upper class people not have an issue with people walking through their homes in shoes?" Nope. See below, quite widely held opinion.

"Could that be because they aren't the ones that have to do the cleaning up?" Hahahahahahahahaha. Don't be ridiculous!

doley · 08/03/2011 19:51

This is getting silly !

I am sure if I had an infirm guest come to my home ,they should keep their shoes on .

It is a GENERAL rule , most of us( I am sure )are flexible :)

I don't invite the gas man in ,he stays on the porch ...if any tradesman need to come right in ...the shoes can stay ON !

It is just the rule ...but like most rules it can sometimes be adapted to suit an individual situation.

Most of my friends ,family, whip off their shoes and then the socializing begins ...

I don't spend time talking to peoples butts while they wrestle with shoes /boots /or blooming flip -flops !!!!!
It takes seconds ...and for those that REALLY can't ~that is fine .

I do not hover over them with a shoe -horn to speed up the process .

General rule ...can be adapted by most, I am sure :)

BaroqueAroundTheClock · 08/03/2011 21:18

seconds??????? it takes me more than a few seconds to get my Timberlands off (and on)............

lololizzy · 08/03/2011 21:25

A close friend always asks me to take my shoes off, she will literally scream at anyone who doesn't. I comply but find it very rude (and cold in winter). Even if she came in my home with muddy shoes, i would not ask her to remove them. Am not that anal..after all, i do have a mop and hoover and I'm not afraid to use them haha!! (but only once guests have gone).

doley · 08/03/2011 21:33

Baroque and your point is ? :)

at the most, I think you could be out of them in under 20 secs !

If not ,then you fall in to the group( along with the infirm ) that should be allowed to keep them on !

LadyBiscuit · 08/03/2011 22:03

kitty - that was a beautiful piece of prose.

You shoe-removing people - you are putting the cleanliness of your floors over and above the comfort of your guests. No question. I never complain when I am asked to do so but I think it's really rude.

BaroqueAroundTheClock · 08/03/2011 22:09

20 seconds - are you fucking kidding me!!!! There is no way in hell I can get out of my 14 inch Timberlands in 20 seconds,

lololizzy · 08/03/2011 22:10

last year, when i had a garden, DP's friend was helping out there and his boots were filthy. Each time he came into the house he'd go through the bathroom (weird designed house..back door was in bathroom) as a short cut to the loo..hence mud and filth trodden all through bathroom, kitchen and hallway to reach loo.All throughout the day. But i never said a word, just mopped up when he left. This went on for weeks as they were working on neighbours gardens too (doing a job for the landlord)
He was doing a favour..as my DP needed a hand. I wouldnt have dreamed of asking him to remove his clods of earth for shoes footwear, it would've seemed so rude and petty when he was helping out my DP who'd developed sudden back problems

lololizzy · 08/03/2011 22:13

and the place got turned into a complete quagmire. and i am the sort of person who mops daily when i have time. But he would've been offended and thought i was being petty. My friend, lets call her Jane, who makes everyone take their shoes off, is always called 'Jane who makes people take their shoes off' .Never just Jane. She is a very intelligent and successful person, yet she is best known for the shoe bullying!!

doley · 08/03/2011 22:18

Baroque I am not f***g kidding [shock ] @your language !

Those boots sound really ugly anyway ,I think you should purchase something a bit more feminine and easier to remove Grin .

usualsuspect · 08/03/2011 22:22

I don't know anyone that has a shoes off rule ..I must have disgusting friends and family

BaroqueAroundTheClock · 08/03/2011 22:23

Excuse me they're pink!!! How much more bloody feminine can you get than sodding pink Grin

I do have other boots too.........my North Face (also from above mentioned shop at bargain price), my Faith ones,

givemesomespace · 08/03/2011 22:24

or no chavy mates

usualsuspect · 08/03/2011 22:26

I live on a council estate so I think some would think my mates were chavvy Grin

doley · 08/03/2011 22:28

Baroque PINK ? why didn't you say ?

That makes them positively shabby chic !
and in that case I would probably beg you to keep them on :)

givemesomespace · 08/03/2011 22:28

clearly a very up market council estate

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