Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think wearing shoes indoors is disgusting?

542 replies

CJ2010 · 07/03/2011 20:24

I have a 'No shoes worn in the home' rule at my own house but I have noticed that a lot of people are not fussed if peps walk into their houses with their shoes on. Why do they allow this?

Last night when I arrived at my mum's, she ordered me not to enter the living room, as she had accidentially trod dog poo through the room and was busy scrubbing the floor. All because she bizzrely wears her shoes in her home. How hard is it to take your shoes off in the hallway, once you get home?

I tried to hide my annoyance as it is her home, but I wouldn't allow DD to crawl about on the floor. The room stunk of poo and i felt sick.

AIBU?

OP posts:
seoraemaeul · 10/03/2011 12:22

I live in a country where it is totally and utterly unacceptable to go into someone's house with shoes on - in fact sometimes you take them off when entering restaurants, and in hotels any staff would take their shoes off before entering your room.
Its really easy - you keep your feet clean, buy new socks or darn when holes appear and know which shoes are easiest to wear if you are going to someone's house or whatever (although I have a pair of drop dead gorgeous boots for the winter that I still wear despite being a pain to take off!)
Most people have a number of slippers at their home - these are usually very new, and immediately replaced if worn or dirty. And as for flip flops and the summer, carry baby wipes or a spare pair of socks and clean your feel or pop socks on.

expatinscotland · 10/03/2011 12:34

bet it's a nice warm country, too, where you don't have to practically disrobe - jacket, scarf, hat, gloves, etc. when you go indoors.

This is not a warm place and it's very expensive for most people to heat their homes well (we rent and have no choice on forms of heating).

For ourselves, we change into house shoes/slippers. It really is too cold much of the year to go without.

But don't demand guests to take off their shoes.

I'm from a warm climate and for much of the year, most people wear sandals or flip flops or go barefoot.

halfcaffodils · 10/03/2011 12:41

Expat it's not just warm places, in Scandinavia, Canada, Germany shoes-off is the norm. Makes sense when there is lots of snow and mud outside, doesn't it?
Re: this being a class isuue, don't 'the posh' have such things as 'boot-rooms' and 'wet-rooms' come to think of it?

seoraemaeul · 10/03/2011 12:43

In the winter we usually hit minus 20 so no not really - although the summers are hot and monsoon like, so we really hit a range of climates
Its just the cultural norm here and people would be very offended. I guess the point I should have made is that its not really that hard to live with so if you know someone who is very anti shoes in the house, its no hardship to deal with it.

expatinscotland · 10/03/2011 12:44

'Expat it's not just warm places, in Scandinavia, Canada, Germany shoes-off is the norm. Makes sense when there is lots of snow and mud outside, doesn't it?'

Yeah, but we're not there, half, we're in the UK, where many people don't go around carrying a pair of socks on their person because someone's anal about their fecking carpet (which is always disgusting).

Canada's a very large country. I spent a lot of time there, but only in two different provinces. It certainly wasn't the 'norm' in either of those to greet guests at the door and demand they remove their shoes.

RudeEnglishLady · 10/03/2011 12:46

If you expect people to take their shoes off you have to make sure your floor is spotless. I've got white tile and so people can see its safe to tread in my house. It is so nasty to have to walk in socks on a dirty floor or carpet or a carpeted bathroom (possible urine around toilet). Then you would transfer dirt into your shoes at the end of the visit Shock. I now take a small pair of ballet shoes to wear in other peoples houses purely for this purpose. I sound like a nutter don't I?

So YANBU but YABU if your floor is anything less than clean and sanitary.

seoraemaeul · 10/03/2011 12:48

No you sound Korean Grin

RudeEnglishLady · 10/03/2011 12:49
Grin
diddl · 10/03/2011 12:56

I think when you get used to taking shoes off, it feels really odd to walk on carpet with them on.

I also think it´s odd to assume that your "right" to keep shoes on "trumps" the houseowners "right" to not want outdoor shoes in their house.

Ephiny · 10/03/2011 13:03

It probably feels odd the other way round as well, if you're used to wearing outdoor shoes all the time unless you're in bed I can imagine it must feel odd to walk around in socks or slippers, just because you've never done it before. I think when visiting someone else's house the best thing is to take your lead from them and do as they do.

BadBagel · 10/03/2011 13:05

'Expat it's not just warm places, in Scandinavia, Canada, Germany shoes-off is the norm. Makes sense when there is lots of snow and mud outside, doesn't it?'

But then they usually change into normal shoes they brought along, shoes that probably have been worn outside.

Honestly does anybody think it's the norm to invite people for a visit/party and then demand they take their shoes off (NOT talking about muddy/snowy boots here)

toddlerama · 10/03/2011 13:09

Shoes-offers: What do you do about wheel chair users or people on crutches? Stretchy covers?

lesley33 · 10/03/2011 13:19

In terms of this being a class issue, people in stately homes may have a boot room. tbh though I thought that was for footwear that got muddy or very dirty e.g. boots, riding boots, wellies etc. That is why it is called a boot room and not a shoe room.

I honestly don't think the idea that shoes off is common comes from people who live in a situation whyere dirt doesn't matter. The idea is more that guests should feel comfortable in your home and you should take the cue from them. It is also about valuing guests more than possessions.

This idea of doing what you can to welcome hosts, even if it is not something you would normally do, extends to other areas of being a host - not just shoes.

So there is a very famous story of a visitor from abroad who when given a bowl of water with lemon in at the dinner table (to clean fingers) lifted it to his lips and drank it. The hosts not wanting him to be embarassed, lifted their bowls to their lips and drank their water.

I'm not saying that well off people are more polite; but asking guests to follow rules taht could make them uncomfortable is considered by many to be rude and common.

lesley33 · 10/03/2011 13:20

None of the shoes off people have answered my previous question.

  1. Do you have many older or disabled people coming to your house? I don't mean someone who is 60 and perfectly fit, I mean someone who is frail and may have arthritis, difficulties putting shoes on and off. Do you insist they take their shoes off?
  1. Do you tell people who have never been to your house before that it is shoes off before they come? Then at least they can be prepared with non holey, thick socks - or choose not to come.
diddl · 10/03/2011 13:26

lesley33

To answer your questions.

1.No
2.No-as everyone here is "shoes off"

BarbarianMum · 10/03/2011 13:30

I'll answer them lesley - although I don't know if I'm typical.

  1. Yes, namely my inlaws, my dad and my next door neighbour. Inlaws bring slippers, we provide slippers for dad and the neighbour gets to keep her shoes on (she is pretty much housebound and only ever walks from her house to ours, or from her front door to a waiting car so her shoes are pretty much pristine).
  1. No. But I do have slippers for visitors who want them (idea copied from a Japanese friend (who also provides special slippers for trips to the bathroom)).

I have been very anti shoes in the house since a friend who was helping me move trod dogshit all over my new flat (later I married him but he has had to follow my lead on the shoes thing).

lesley33 · 10/03/2011 13:30

As you get older and start to know more people as described in question 1 - will you change your shoes off policy?

Ephiny · 10/03/2011 13:31
  1. No, I don't have many older or disabled visitors, and no I don't 'insist' on anything.
  1. No, because before reading this thread I thought everyone took their shoes off in the house, and everyone I've ever known has done so. I wouldn't tell people to, but I would think they were quite strange if they didn't, just as if they came in on a rainy day and sat in the house with their umbrella still up!
lesley33 · 10/03/2011 13:33

I wouldn't want to wear slippers worn by anyone else. I really think if you insist on shoes off you should warn anyone who hasn't been to your house before, about this.

I have been to people's house for the first time and told to take off shoes. And I have had holy socks that I didn't want others to see.

And with 1, I was thinking more about people who struggle to get their shoes off and on.

BadBagel · 10/03/2011 13:37

Question 3 Do you provide seats so people can take off their shoes in a more dignified way?

HouseOfBamboo · 10/03/2011 13:55

What about people who are wearing very thin tights or popsocks?

Not only are they are forced to bare their damp be-nyloned feet to the world, they also risk ripping their tights to shreds, thus ruining their outfit for the day.

yabu

diddl · 10/03/2011 14:04

I think that if for example you moved to Japan, you´d have no problem adapting to "shoes off" because it´s so widespread there.

But why is it that just because not everyone in UK does it, it means you feel that you don´t have to abide by it by those people who do?

HouseOfBamboo · 10/03/2011 14:18

I think most people take their shoes off when expected / asked to. I do, and I usually offer if I'm not sure about what they normally do.

I just get fed up if my feet then get cold, or I have less than perfect socks on, etc...

prettybird · 10/03/2011 14:30

It would be interesting to explore whether there is a correlation between UK geography and "shoes-off" being the norm.

As I've said, I had never come across it until into my 40s and found out from Mumsnet that it was a real issue for some people. Still don't know anyone in real life who expects people to take off their shoes.

I'm Scottish, brought up in Glasgow (and moved back 17 years ago) - extremely middle class Grin(the Glaswegians can make a good guess at which of the North side suburbs I was brought up in Wink) but went to Uni in St Andrews and worked/lived in Welwyn Garden City, Bolton and Hull/Beverley over my career.

exoticfruits · 10/03/2011 14:35

I wouldn't have a problem in a country where it is part of the culture, it has never been part of the culture in UK.
I think that at the very least people should telephone and warn in advance so that you can bring slippers (wearing anyone else's is yucky)and not have to freeze to death or slip over on polished floors-or I would know what to wear, if I wear smart trousers in the evening they are designed to go with certain shoes and I would be falling over them without shoes.
There is no point in anyone dressing up if they have to remove shoes-people in party clothes and slippers is a bizarre picture!

Swipe left for the next trending thread