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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Inheritance or not

124 replies

Richlinn · 07/03/2011 19:38

I have a relative on my Dad's side who has no close family. I know him quite well, as does my Dad, auntie and sister. We have just heard that he has finally got round to making a will and has left everything to an animal charity. His estate will be £1 million+. I am sitting in rented accommodation as is my sister. No -one else in my family has any money to speak of. Does anyone know if we could appeal his decision as a share of the estate would make a huge difference to a lot of people. Has anyone heard of any appeals that have successfully overturned a will? He is of sound mind. Thanks for all suggestions / help offered.

OP posts:
Choufleur · 07/03/2011 21:50

My aunt is very wealthy but intends (is in her will) to leave a large chunk to a cats home. Think she's barking but I'm not miffed. It's not my money - I've never had it so it's not like she's taking something away from me that is mine. She may well need long term care which will eat very quickly into the amount left for moggies.

PfftTheMagicDragon · 07/03/2011 21:51

He's not even fucking dead yet!

If you are going to be so grubby, at least do it to his face and ask him for the money so he can see what you are before he dies! Or are you trying to keep up a good face so he leaves you his fortune?

NonnoMum · 07/03/2011 22:19

Good post, SueWhite

bigbeagleeyes · 07/03/2011 23:15

I'm kind of with Suewhite on this as well.

Vallhala · 07/03/2011 23:24
  1. Leaving money to an animal charity is not "a waste of money" as you claim, OP. We cannot save animals' lives with love alone.
  1. The man can leave his money to whomever he likes.
  1. That he's told you that he's leaving his money to an animal charity indicates that he wants to piss you off, presumably knowing exactly how you'd react.

He was right there, wasn't he?

  1. I do hope the beneficiary isn't the RSPCA.
  1. Here's an idea you might like to consider wrt contesting the will. In fact, it's a prerequisite...

... how about waiting until the poor fucker dies first.

  1. Do trolls count as animals?
Vallhala · 07/03/2011 23:26

SueWhite, those of us who are involved in animal welfare organisations might beg to differ. This one certainly does.

Giselle99 · 07/03/2011 23:32

Where there's a will there's a... relative.

As someone who has had the gross misfortune of dealing with godawful will-related matters recently, I wish there was a rule that everyone's money after death went to the state or local council to help fund schools, hospitals etc. Would save a lot of aggro and bad feeling.

GloriousGoosebumps · 08/03/2011 00:45

How much of his £1 million pound estate do you feel your relative should leave to you? All of it? Would you allow him to leave any of it to charity?

catsmother · 08/03/2011 05:48

I'm sure that many of us, IF we had a relative with a potentially large estate, and IF we were struggling, might daydream about how that money could have benefitted us instead of someone/something else. BUT .... daydreaming is as far as it should go. To speak about challenging someone's will (when they're not even dead yet) is horribly entitled and I wonder on what basis that entitlement is made ? After all, as adults, we should be responsible for ourselves and it's highly unlikely most of us (unless disabled, for example) would be dependent upon another adult - even if they were a close relative .... and the man in question here doesn't sound, from what she's written, as if he's in that category. Okay, IF you are very close to someone, I do understand that being rejected in a will can be emotionally upsetting - and not just about the money itself - but there's no suggestion here that the OP is upset at being snubbed by someone she's close to .... it's all about the money and how she might benefit.

cory · 08/03/2011 09:08

The idea that this man could and should make a difference to his struggling relatives does rather seem to depend on one of two conditions:

that he will die shortly (do you know this? people sometimes hang on for much longer than expected) and before his money has been spent on care

or

that you will do nothing to improve your own situation in the years to come (well, perhaps you do know this)

corygal · 08/03/2011 10:07

I think inheritance is one of those areas on Mumsnet where opinion is out of step with the rest of the planet.

Maybe all the rude posters on this thread who shriek about greed cut off their family to make billions from their books of insults, or something, but it doesn't change the facts:

  1. Family is a mutual support structure. Everyone gives and takes according to what they need. Like it or not.
  1. Animal charities are now phenomenally rich, thanks to, among other social trends, divorce and the rise in dementia.
  1. If the old guy wants to exercise his rights to leave the lot to the RSPCA, there's nothing to stop him. But he can't ask the family for any help during his old age. Which might last 25 years.
  1. For many working people in the UK, family is the only source of unearned cash they might ever get.
  1. Most working people in the UK can't afford to buy property without help.

So I'm with the OP on this.
(waits for Mumsnet's Charlie Sheens to wade in.)

goodbyemrschips · 08/03/2011 10:16

Maybe he has told you this to see your reaction.

Now you know you are not getting any of his money how often will you be visiting him now?

How often did you visit him before?

As said above I know the lollipop lady quite well but would not expect to be in her will.

In fact I would not expect to be in anyones will..

[parents excluded, but it is not a god given right!]

PfftTheMagicDragon · 08/03/2011 12:14

cory - why does gifting his money to an animal charity mean that he won't be able to ask his family for help in his old age?

Do we only help those when there will be a monetary reward? He's giving his money away to someone else, so therefore he's not entitled to family care any more?

MrsMump · 08/03/2011 12:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChaoticAngelofAnarchy · 08/03/2011 12:26

I've never said that family shouldn't leave/inherit to/from other family, that's their choice. I don't believe that anyone has a right to expect an inheritance.

babybarrister · 08/03/2011 12:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mare11bp · 08/03/2011 13:45

Corygal, a solid and reasoned answer.

We all need to remember OP asked for advice, and unsolicited messages amounting to character assassination are unnecessary and unwarranted.

Desperateforthinnerthighs · 08/03/2011 14:01

I hate squabbling over wills......if he is of sane mind he can leave his money to whomever he likes...are you close?? How many times have you met him?? When is the last time you called/visited him?? Mind you, even if you see him all the time he is still entitled to do whatever he wants with his money. Why should he give it to you??

If you dont like sitting in a rented property then get off your bum and do something about it!! It's not his fault

Here, have a Biscuit

corygal · 08/03/2011 14:05

Pfft - answer to you re eldercare - because, like it or not, members of a family can't just use the love and support of other members and not give anything back.

Of course we don't only help those who pay us. Pfft, can you see that contributions can be any type of currency, housework, cash, personal care, whatever - think about how divoce settlements measure family 'help'. In this partic case, one relation gives care, the other, presumably needing it, has nowt to give but cash. It should work as an exchange.

We can't take and not return the favour, by whatever means you choose.

Sue White, you rock.

Ephiny · 08/03/2011 14:14

YABU, it's his money and he can leave it to whoever he chooses

Personally I wouldn't mind at all if a relative did this. I have no expectation or wish to inherit from anyone, I can earn my own money and expect my children to do the same. Animals don't usually have that choice and depend on the people willing to give up their time and money to help them.

PfftTheMagicDragon · 08/03/2011 14:25

But cory, to suggest that as he has disclosed his decision to leave his money to a charity, he should therefore have no family help is just ridiculous.

It's NOT about an exchange. It is about helping those that need it, no matter what they have ot give in exchange.

I help my grandmother because she needs help, and I love her. I don't know how much money she has, or what she plans to do with it when she dies. I don't expect anything in return because she is family and I love her.

It's not an exchange.

PfftTheMagicDragon · 08/03/2011 14:26

And cory - the elders have already given! My grandmother raised my mother, and looked after me. Now it is my turn to look after her.

To suggest that she should repay me in some other way is vile. She has already done her bit, years ago.

corygal · 08/03/2011 15:30

Yes, I do get you entirely Pfft - but what slightly annoys me is why only one person get to be the giver in this case?

I think you're focusing on the cash involved - not unreasonably - and saying that people shouldn't automatically expect inheritance or payback.

I entirely agree, but I really think it's important for support to be be mutual where possible. And I do believe family matters - if the OP's family were all billionaires, then the cash wouldn't factor in much, but they aren't, so it has to count for something - unfortunately.

Let's agree to share our differences?

PfftTheMagicDragon · 08/03/2011 15:49

Well, one person is the giver currently. In my grandmother's case, she has given her entire life, so now is our time to give back. It seems more complex in the case of the OP, as we do not know the back story and the OP has given limited information. But we assume that the relative is older. So either he has looked after the OP at some point, given his life to look after her, and she should return the favour. IF this is not the case, then how close ARE they anyway? Should he be leaving anything to her?

Money does complicate matters, and I totally agree that there are a lot of people shouting "money grabber" (including me) who wouldn't be so happy if the boot was on their foot. However, I have to say that the OP's particular situation seems very muddy. A random relative without a name, who she "knows quite well"...just all sounds strange Confused

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