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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Inheritance or not

124 replies

Richlinn · 07/03/2011 19:38

I have a relative on my Dad's side who has no close family. I know him quite well, as does my Dad, auntie and sister. We have just heard that he has finally got round to making a will and has left everything to an animal charity. His estate will be £1 million+. I am sitting in rented accommodation as is my sister. No -one else in my family has any money to speak of. Does anyone know if we could appeal his decision as a share of the estate would make a huge difference to a lot of people. Has anyone heard of any appeals that have successfully overturned a will? He is of sound mind. Thanks for all suggestions / help offered.

OP posts:

Tsil · 07/03/2011 20:07

Just for record Op if you had come here and asked AIBU for being pissed off at my relative leaving all his money to charity when his family are struggling then you might have got better answers. It was the way you wanted to appeal his will like you have a right to his money that certainly didn't sit right with me.

TinkyWinkyLovesPo · 07/03/2011 20:09

You need to either broach this subject with him (god knows how though, 'so...when you snuff it....') whilst he is still alive because not being a close relative its unlikely that they would overturn his will or you'll just have to accept that the money is going to the animal charity.

Remember though, that if he has made it known what is in his will he will probably make it been known that you have approached him for money.

If it was your dad or granddad or even uncle then people might understand but if he is just a relative then people will think you have no more right to approach him than any other relative and it will be seen as quite grasping.

YellowDinosaur · 07/03/2011 20:09

Sardinequeen you'd really leave money to relatives you didn't like very much just because they are family?

This is madness. I'd never do this. I like to hope there would be enough people I was close enough to (even if friends) to leave my money to rather than give it ALL to charity but if I wasn't then I wouldn't leave it to people I didn't like!

Not saying this is the situation with the OP - he may well think very highly of her - just that I don't think there should be any sort of expectation by relatives that they are entitled to any money.

The only money you are entitled to is that which you earn fair and square. Nothing wrong with being a bit frustrated at the situation and venting here but surely you can see how grasping that makes you sound?

SardineQueen · 07/03/2011 20:15

Yes I would. I come from a family where the money is passed between the generations, and that's seen as normal (as opposed to grasping ).

Even if I don't like them, it might help their children (who are just children and therefore blameless) or their grandchildren and so on.

When people look at wealthy people - the upper classes and that sort of type - the wealth is passed on, that's how the families stay wealthy. It's normal to want to look after your children and grandchildren I think, if you can. I suppose it depends what your aims and outlook are. For me, I intend to help my children as much as poss, and through them any grandchildren, and hopefully give them all a leg up, make things a bit easier. As my parents did for me, and their parents did for them. Just a different outlook I think, and I thikn the two "sides" find it hard to understand each other.

SardineQueen · 07/03/2011 20:18

TBH I find these threads fascinating as I realise that how my family does things is so totally and utterly different from the majority, and I had no idea until I cm on MN

justabouthappy · 07/03/2011 20:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Politixmum · 07/03/2011 20:21

OP - poor thing, I bet you wish you hadn't put this thread up now!

Having been poor myself with wealthy family I know what it feels like to hope they might help out a bit. And why not. I don't think you're greedy. I occasionally wonder how my aunt, who has no children, intends to leave her money although now I don't need it so much, and I would hate to actually find out. Knowing this has probably spoilt your relationship, which I am sorry about.

Greenkit is right, can you pluck up your courage and talk with him, say you know it's his own money but it would make quite a difference to you and the other relatives if he would reconsider and leave something to you.

If you don't ask, you don't get.

hugs

thisisyesterday · 07/03/2011 20:22

but maybe he has a reason for not wanting to leave it to them....???

i don't think it's a good idea to ask him for some! she isn't even "close" family as she puts it

if she really wants some of his cash then I think she should make an effort to get to know him first!

SardineQueen · 07/03/2011 20:29

justa alternatively he might see the former group as honest and the second group as suckups (hoping he will change it if they are nice enough - pleased to have got some of the competition out the way)

TinkyWinkyLovesPo · 07/03/2011 20:33

Sardine in my family we also pass things on down the generations but from what the OP said this man doesn't really have any close relatives.

I have an expectation that if there is anything left after elderly care, I will inherit something from my parents but I don't expect to inherit anything from my gran's second cousin's son or similar IYSWIM which is the impression I got from the OP.

If this man has children, parents or siblings then I would say it would be normal practice to leave money to them. If he has none of these then I don't think he owes anyone anything and it shouldn't been seen as odd him choosing to leave money to a charity that maybe he feels strongly about.

clairefromsteps · 07/03/2011 20:36

Congratulations, you are the proud recipient of my first

YellowDinosaur · 07/03/2011 20:36

Yes tinkywinky that is exactly what I think too.

SardineQueen · 07/03/2011 20:36

Hmmm yes I suppose tinky.

I'm just always fascinated by the view that every generation should give it all away elsewhere and the next start again from scratch. I just don't understand it!

NinkyNonker · 07/03/2011 20:37

I think most families pass things down, it is very much the norm isn't it? Which is why if he has chosen not to, there must eb a reason.

FabbyChic · 07/03/2011 20:37

OMG you seriously take the piss. It's his money and assuming he is of sound mind he can leave his money to whom he likes cat charity or hospital or whoever.

YOu have no automatic right to it because you are a relative and can do nothing to get any of it either.

You sound like a right decent person, not.

SardineQueen · 07/03/2011 20:38

I read it as - she knows him quite well, and took it to mean, you know, that she knows him quite well.

Anyhoo. I'm sure it'll all come out in the wash

FourFortyFour · 07/03/2011 20:40

I could tell you how you might win an appeal but I don't want too.

NinkyNonker · 07/03/2011 20:41

But she also says he has no close family? So I took that to mean that they weren't that close.

cat64 · 07/03/2011 20:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

YellowDinosaur · 07/03/2011 20:42

Fourfortyfour honestly if there is anyway she could appeal this and get the will overturned (assuming that he IS in sound mind) I think that is scandalous. It is his money to do with as wishes.

sparkle12mar08 · 07/03/2011 20:42

Dear fucking god. I'm very nearly speechless. Yet again a poster has proved that they are dumb to the highest degree...

LessNarkyPuffin · 07/03/2011 20:43

Most grasping relatives at least wait for the person to die before trying to get their hands on the estate.

NinkyNonker · 07/03/2011 20:45

My Granny died today, but I suspect bar the house she was penniless damn her!! Most inconsiderate by anyone's standards.

SardineQueen · 07/03/2011 20:50

ninky I took "no close family" to mean no partner, children or grandchildren. ie same as immediate family. How interesting. I didn't read it as meaning close as in knowing well or getting on with at all.

supersewer · 07/03/2011 20:50

You are a disgrace!

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