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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that a 3,5 year old shouldn't have his own IPad?

153 replies

NJE · 05/03/2011 23:35

I'm a nanny. I just started my new job last Monday, I look after a boy who is 3,5 years old and has his own IPad and is allowed to play with it every day when he wants to. AIBU for thinking that a 3,5 year old shouldn't have his own IPad or play with it at all?! P.S: He can't dress himself though but uses his IPad without any problems at all :D

OP posts:
angel1976 · 06/03/2011 15:02

Yuno Mine does the same. He says 'MY iPad'. I blame my friend as when he came along to give us our christmas present, he gave it to DS1 to open so he now thinks it's his! Grin

Download 'Talking Tom' - It's free and very funny. Its a talking cat. If you talk to it, the cat repeats it in a funny voice. My DS1 is totally tickled by it.

Tozzle is a very good puzzle app and my DS1 also loves Monkey Preschool Lunchbox.

'RedFish' is very good but very ex - £5.99. But might be too grown up for your 2yo.

Underachieving · 06/03/2011 15:03

I don't think YABU. I think it's sad, he's 3, I think his parents should give him a chance to be a 3 year old. That said, it's their call how they raise thier children. I think maybe you are going to have to look for a family who your childcare values are more compatitble with. Sad

LemonDifficult · 06/03/2011 15:10

YANBU

Really inappropriate approach to screen time.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 06/03/2011 15:45

How is he not being a 3 yo? Confused. DD is 3 and uses mine. At this moment however, she is sitting on the floor taking all her Happyland people to the Happyland doctor with coughs. Before that she 'cooked' us lunch with her kitchen. Plenty of time in the day for different types of activities.

princessparty · 06/03/2011 16:01

I think we have to remember that the world is a very different place to what it it was 40 years ago when i was a 3 year old.Toys, games and playing have changed accordingly.
Would people think £400 was a grotesque amount of money if it had been spent on a climbing frame or trampoline instead?

LemonDifficult · 06/03/2011 16:17

Trampolines or climbing frames are good for children. Screen time isn't.

I don't imagine that children live in a no-technology bubble, or even that it would be a good thing if they could. But modern life is such that growing up they will spend their lives in front of screens and will need to choose to take the risky/active/imaginative path.

What make me a bit Hmm about this is not that a 3yo is using an ipad but that he has been given one as his, like a toy. I think it's the wrong signal or a missed opportunity or something...

bellavita · 06/03/2011 16:18

OP, does it really matter?

YABU.

LadyBiscuit · 06/03/2011 16:22

Sal - your children are clearly hugely responsible. My DS generally doesn't break things but it doesn't mean he wouldn't. I know enough adults who have managed to break their iphone/ipad screen and one assumes they're a little less clumsy than a 3 year old.

Thanks for the apps recommendation blog AlfalfaMum - I shall have a look :)

ChunkyMonkeysMum · 06/03/2011 16:27

YABU - It's not your child, therefore it's not for you to decide.

My 2.5yr old used to constantly pinch mine & DH's iPhones to play games/draw etc on them, so for his 2nd birthday we bought him an iPod touch. He loves it and knows how to do so much on it! He has speech & language delay & it's been great for him as he copies noises and sounds from it, eg animals/vehicles etc. He loves listening to his music on it and dancing around to it. I can't see the harm. It is not the only thing he plays with, but it's fantastic to take out with us when we need to keep him occupied/quiet!!

We also have an iPad and he loves playing on that too! Grin

ChunkyMonkeysMum · 06/03/2011 16:31

Some good apps for the littlies are:

Talking Tom Cat/Gina the Giraffe/Babies etc
Mini Piano
Matching Zoo
Glow Doodle
Pyrotexni
Balloons
Paper Toss

exoticfruits · 06/03/2011 16:35

As the nanny you can just remove it while there-do age appropriate things and give it back later-he will soon get used to it. (YANBU-I would hate to be a nanny when you get mad parents!)

Original poster
NJE · 06/03/2011 16:41

Thanks for all your replies. Yes, maybe I am being a bit unreasonable here. I never said that I think it is wrong that a three year old uses an IPad, but I think that it's wrong that he owns one himself and that he can use it whenever he pleases to do so.

All of you who said I am being unreasonable and that it is not my child, true, but how would you feel if you would employ a nanny but all your child does is playing with his IPad?

Maybe I need to get used to it (apart from that the family is very nice to me). Until now I always had younger children who couldn't use an Ipad and I was actually there to play with them rather than sitting next to them while they play with their IPads or similiar.

P.S: Of course I do know how much an IPad costs, I own one myself. I am not against technology at all (I am 20 and therefore not so old myself.)

OP posts:
princessparty · 06/03/2011 16:45

Trampolines or climbing frames are good for children. Screen time isn't.

Says who? all things in moderation!

LemonDifficult · 06/03/2011 17:13

"There is a definite relationship between the amount of time kids spend watching screens per day and a range of physical, cognitive and educational problems later on," Dr Aric Sigman

this is just the first article of millions that came up on my google search

Screen time is a very serious issue for this generation. ADHD, screen addiction, stress, maybe even a link with depression. It affects physical and mental health.

Nataby · 06/03/2011 17:57

It's a bit of a stretch to assume that just because children use the iPad, they are not being sufficiently active physically. Even an iPad , good as it is to offer a variety of activities cannot keep a 3 year old that occupied.

LemonDifficult · 06/03/2011 18:02

No, you're right, the physical exertion of an ipad is probably similar to doing Duplo. What it's about is setting the 'tone' of how much screen time is appropriate.

WorkingItOutAsIGo · 06/03/2011 18:06

If you want there to be screen time rules then discuss it with his parents. Not difficult!

Hulababy · 06/03/2011 18:08

I think it is somewhat OTT for a 3y, yes. I wouldn't buy one for a 3yo.

There are some educational apps on them though - I use several with my Y1s.

I don't think children should be encouragd to do any one activity all the time, whatever the activity. Screen time constantkly is not good, esp at such a young age. Equally I wouldn't want a 3y only playing or using just one specific toy, watching tv, reading a book, etc exclusively all the time either.

Can you not take him out and about, or into the garden to run off steam, where the ipad can't come?

MisSalLaneous · 06/03/2011 18:44

I agree what Hulababy said here: "I don't think children should be encouragd to do any one activity all the time, whatever the activity. "

Everything in moderation. So OP, I do see part of your point - constant usage cannot be good. Discuss with the parent, explaining that you have no problem with Ipad itself, but the apparent unrestricted usage makes it difficult for you to stretch the child as much as you'd prefer. I wouldn't state it in the same way as your OP though - that came across as very negative.

The, in my opinion, educational experience aside, I think that people should consider the following:
If you do think that exposure to electronic media is bad, do you apply that to everything? E.g. most people agree that sweets are bad for children. However, the odd sweetie here or there is not necessarily going to ruin them for life, is it?

princessparty · 06/03/2011 18:45

The OP said 'AIBU for thinking that a 3,5 year old shouldn't have his own IPad or play with it at all?! '
her question wasn't about screen time ( or has she drip fed when people disagreed with her (yawn))

LadyBiscuit · 06/03/2011 18:54

Oh I missed the 'play with it at all' bit. I was so caught up in the 'playing with it every day whenever he wants to' that I overlooked it.

I've just downloaded a couple of extra apps for my DS on the strength of this thread so clearly I don't agree with that one :o

MisSalLaneous · 06/03/2011 19:01

Grin Btw, LadyBiscuit, I'm glad you didn't take my Hmm as snooty / sarcastic - I worried after posting but hope you'd take it as I meant. On me having a "responsible" child - I wouldn't go that far, but as I regularly drop my phone and is generally very clumsy, he does look great in comparison!

LadyBiscuit · 06/03/2011 19:04

Oh no, I know some children are a lot more careful than others. Unfortunately my DS is of the former than the latter category. I'm amazed my telly is still alive tbh :( :o

LadyBiscuit · 06/03/2011 19:09

Oh dear that post made no sense. I meant that my DS is horribly clumsy and has broken no end of melamine cups in our house. We have tiles laid on concrete on the ground floor which really doesn't help!

iamabadger · 06/03/2011 19:13

I feel a little bit sorry for the OP actuaaly, am amazed that people are saying she shouldn't criticise the parent's decision about he ipad, and then suggesting that she should teach him to dress himself?! Is that not part of a parent's job too?