Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this an extreme over reaction by a police officer?

92 replies

Kitsilano · 05/03/2011 17:30

My friend was walking her kids home from school yesterday as she does every day. She has 4 (the eldest is 6yrs old, the youngest 1yr). The eldest was scooting ahead of the pushchair but within sight, is well taught to stop and wait at each curb while she catches up so they can cross the road together.

She was stopped by a policeman who said she wasn't taking care of her children properly and was placing them in danger. She disagreed, they had a discussion and eventually he got in his car to drive off. Before he left she went to the car window and asked for his police number as she wanted to make a complaint.

At this point, he said he was going to report her to social services.

She is now distraught and angry, doesn't feel what she was doing amounts to putting her children in danger and feels bullied because he decided to escalate it because she asked for his number.

What do you think? Any social workers know what might happen next?

OP posts:
Flisspaps · 05/03/2011 17:32

I would hope that Social Services would tell him that they have real cases of children being in danger to look at, rather than look into a child being allowed a little taste of freedom when out with mum.

I hope your friend DOES complain.

iPhoneDrone · 05/03/2011 17:32

OMG this happened to me!

DD and DS scooting off in front and they both have 3 places to stop on the way.

Copper pulled over and said 'don't you think they should be with you'

'eh'

'those children could FALL IN THE ROAD'

Hmm he then drove off

weird

Katey1010 · 05/03/2011 17:32

I can't imagine that SWs would care given the horrific abuse cases they are busy with. The Police Officer was just pissed off because she said she was making a complaint (also a bit of an overreaction, possibly). So, both were BU.

Chil1234 · 05/03/2011 17:33

Most people think they're acting perfectly safely. If the policeman felt compelled to say something, chances are the situation looked pretty dangerous. They don't usually bother with trivia like walking children. I expect the social services remark was in response to your friend saying she would make a complaint. She wasn't being 'bullied' and should calm down...

BeerTricksPotter · 05/03/2011 17:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KatieMiddleton · 05/03/2011 17:34

Make a complaint about the policeman putting all the stuff about his threat re SS in. You'll feel better and then you can forget about it.

KatieMiddleton · 05/03/2011 17:34

Sorry not you, your friend

Original poster
Kitsilano · 05/03/2011 17:35

Do you think it's reasonable to report her to social services as a retaliation for being asked for his police number?!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Kitsilano · 05/03/2011 17:35

That was to Chil1234

OP posts:
worraliberty · 05/03/2011 17:36

She shouldn't have wanted to report him in the first place as he was only handing out advice.

But it sounds like tit for tat. Did he take her name and address then? If he didn't then he can't report her can he?

Original poster
Kitsilano · 05/03/2011 17:37

She was given a caution I believe so it will be on her records.

OP posts:
iPhoneDrone · 05/03/2011 17:37

I thought the police were there to prevent and solve crime. Not to stick their noses in where there not wanted.

ragged · 05/03/2011 17:38

The copper has more power in this situation than the Mother, don't you think?

I'm amazed the copper had a go, they see plenty worse, too.

Mare11bp · 05/03/2011 17:38

An over zealous police officer, of which there are many. I should know because I work with them!

I don't blame your friend for being annoyed, I know many police officers socially who wouldn't dream of giving parenting advice in the normal course of their duties.

As the police officer doesn't know the child, circumstances behaviour etc. I feel he was in the wrong. And I understand your friend being annoyed.

Most police officers don't care when a member of the publci says they are going to complain - happens all the time, an occupational hazard in many respects. But the speed at which he fired back the response leads me to believe he is worried about a complaint - perhaps he is in trouble already with something?

I work with Social Services too and they don't have the time or resources to investigate something such as this based on a concern on what "could" have happened.

I would definitely advise a complaint - which could even be done on an informal basis. It may just be the police officer concerned needs a word on his manner/people skills/general attitude.

BeerTricksPotter · 05/03/2011 17:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

prettybird · 05/03/2011 17:39

Did he formally give her a caution then? She could have chosen not to accept it - and then the police would have had to make the decision about whether or not to charge her (with what Hmm?)

If that is what he has told ther, then she should make a formal complaint.

GypsyMoth · 05/03/2011 17:39

he cant really report her without the accompanying mound of paperwork!!! he'll want to avoid that im sure (am ex police so i know lol)

KatieMiddleton · 05/03/2011 17:39

She was given a caution? For what? They only give those out if the person admits to a crime.

I think there must be more to this than we've been told and possibly the op knows.

grumpypants · 05/03/2011 17:40

she accepted a caution? surely there must have been a bit more to it? [sceptical face]

Chil1234 · 05/03/2011 17:40

Not reasonable, but if she was getting agressive with a policeman, he might have thrown it in to try to get her to back off. "They had a discussion" ... did she lose her temper?

reelingintheyears · 05/03/2011 17:40

How was she given a caution?
Did she have to go to the police station?

And you do not have to accept a caution.

Original poster
Kitsilano · 05/03/2011 17:40

Of course the police are perfectly entitled to step in if they genuinely believe a child is in danger but it seems this one may have been ignorant of child behaviour/parenting.

He actually suggested that one risk was that this child would be snatched!

As the risk of that would be less than that of being hit be a bus riding up onto the curb then surely it would be bad parenting to even take your children out of the house.

OP posts:
Onetoomanycornettos · 05/03/2011 17:41

See, I find that terrible, a policeman threatening to report her to social services for the perfectly reasonable request for his number.

I let mine run on ahead on the way to school and stop at defined places (e.g. the next lamp-post, the next bin). Same every day. I would be extremely annoyed if someone, let alone a policeman, had nothing better to do than monitor this and comment. If the boy had actually run in the road, then it would have been different and perhaps a friendly warning given, but at six, I think it's fine for them to stop at roads if you can trust them to do this (which you can with mine). And as for those who sais she must have given him attitude, why should she have grovelled to the policeman if her children were indeed under control? I would have asked him if he'd like to spend more time patrolling and controlling the drug users that walk up and down where we live pestering us for money.

FabbyChic · 05/03/2011 17:41

For all you know he might have just dealt with a childs death under similar circumstances, a mother letting her children wander off ahead and an errant car knocking a child over.

Cars can and do mount the pavement.

GypsyMoth · 05/03/2011 17:42

thinking about it though......little 6 year olds scooting along at speed could be a danger to others,especially as mum was far behind hampered with pushchair/baby/small children.......accidents do happen like this (bitter experience with own dc crashing)

but he didnt look at it from that angle....he was being over zealous imo