To be "confused" about people's relationships on MN?

[AnnyR]

I have only been reading these forums for a few weeks and am increasingly confused/worried about many people's reactions relationships.

There seems to be a stock answer of "kick him out" or "leave him" when someone is having a bad time with their DH or DP. Is this why we have such a high divorce rate at the moment?

I wonder because I think that no-one is perfect and there is no such thing as a perfect relationship. Having been married for nearly 25 years I know that it is hard to stick it out sometimes. Both of us have done things to hurt and upset the other over the years, but we stick together for loads of reasons. Mainly because we ultimately love each other. And because we have DC who need both of us.

Obviously, cases of domestic violence are different - I don't think you should always stay together no matter what. Also, I am not religious and didn't make vows in church, so I am not coming from that angle either.

But why are so many Mumsnetters so quick to advise people to leave?

I am genuinely confused and sad :(

which poster called you stupid on your thread, lilsmate? I didn't see anyone call you stupid. Over-reactionary, yes; stupid, no.

It would appear I am not alone in being pee'd off at the kick the twat out gang.

But tbf, you don't know if people are projecting.

You don't know what their life experience is.

Lots of poeple say "leave him immediately" because they have very happy marriages and can't imagine the loneliness of living in an unhappy one.

Others might know all about it.

There's an awful lot of assumptions about who says what and why. As Scottishmummy so often says, we are all just internet sprites (or somethign) and we don't know where people are coming from.

but why does it bother you that much, if you haven't been on the receiving end of such a "gang" ?

anger is a strong emotion to feel about words on a screen

the strength of your emotion implies to me that you think women should be counselled to stay no matter what

is that what you think?

and why don't you join all these threads then, and get your point across when you see this "gang" in action ?

I too would be interested to see these threads where women are urged to leave their partners for the most trivial of reasons.

They shouldn't be too hard to find seeing as how they are apparently 'all over' Mumsnet.

Besides, all this hand wringing about embittered harpies(tm) strong-arming women into ending relationships has a whiff of 'disgusted of tunbridge wells' about it.

But surely if someone is posting a version of events that will be interpreted in different ways by different posters, there will be just as many people posting with advice on how to keep the relationship going. So why does it matter? Of course we all have our own perspective that will be affected by our own experiences, but nobody's going to leave a marriage on the advice from a talk board unless they actually want to, are they?

It doesn't actually matter at all tinierclanger but people seem to get upset it about for some reason - it's as if mumsnet is this fearsome entity that has the power to make or break relationhips!

Well exactly. When I think what it actually does is enable people to explore their feelings and their fears.

Oh and also let's call the M word:

The concept of embittered female divorcee who wants everyone else to be as unhappy and twisted and unfulfilled as she is... is that mysogynist myth still being peddled?

Oh, yes, I see it is.

No one says abuot the men who say "leave the wanker" that they're embittered has beens who just want to advise wives to leave their husbands so that they can have an opportunity to shag them.

Because that would be a bit mad, woudln't it? And most people would be able to see immediately, that that would be an unreasonable assumption to make about them?

And here we have it, the typical formula of a Troll.

1)Take something someone has said and emphasise one word, making sure you ignore the main thrust of the post

2. Invent some pseudo psychobabble about it

3. Ask a question rhetorically based on (2) as if it was fact

4. Answer said question on the persons behalf

5. End with a question based on 2), 3), and 4) being gospel.

Peter, you have just exposed your own guilt. Well done.

now my (MN) divorce is through, I can see the benefit of breaking up all these marriages

more of these lovely, lovely men...allll for meeeeee

you have your definitions arse-road about, lil

the definition of a troll is someone who posts deliberately inflammatory threads

now that would be....

< clue : it's not me >

Get out of my way Peter, I saw him first

< beats HB about head with divorce papers and lemon wedges >

WTF is that wallpaper?

it belongs here:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/1164773-wot-normal-things-do-u-find-creepy

'cos they don't have a gold star emote