To think dh should be able to do these jobs!

[lisad123isasnuttyasaboxoffrogs]

Ok I'm a sahm to two kids with ASD. I do everything in the house apart from four jobs I ask dh to do but half the time he doesn't do it or says he hasn't time to do them. What do you think? The jobs are
Make his and dd1 lunch
Dishwasher
Bins
Walk dog in morning

its more than my husband's ever done and i work four days a week and do everything kid orientated. have you tried timing the work that you do and seeing how it compares to his working week? How busy is he in the mornings as this might be the problem - ie not issue around jobs perse?

have you discussed which jobs he should do? It maybe these are his 4 most hated activities and he'd be prepared to cook instead?

Are the kids at home all day? Would they benefit from walking the dog with you sometimes for some fresh air? How many walks per day, maybe sharing them rather than making them all his job would work better.

Why does the dishwasher have to be 1 person's job anyway. I really dont get that.

I wouldn't make his bloody lunch though, he'd soon learn if he didnt make it he wouldn't eat!

If you are at home all day, arent the lunch, dishwasher and dogwalking things that you could do.

If he is going to work everyday, is he not rushing around in a morning to go?

I'd stop cooking for him, shopping for him, washing his gear, ironing his gear, cleaning anything, gardening and decorating.

Say you haven't got time.

Really.

oopsadaisy - do you mind me asking if you are married? if the poster stops all the things you suggest what resource and help is she putting into the partnership? or were you joking?

ermm squeaky - did you read the bit where she said she has 2 ASD kids and does everything else in the house apart from those 4 jobs??

She's asking someone that also lives in the house to do just four things to help her run it. And he's not doing it.

dreamingofsun - hi.

Not married - living with DP for 20 years this year(yikes).

I feel very strongly about the "I haven't got time" argument from (mainly - don't flame me ) working men with SAHM.

I feel strongly that both partners should feel they are helping each other. SAHM with 2 dcs with ASD has a fairly busy day, I would suggest. What she is asking him to do is to is a few things in the morning to set the day up a little easier for her.

None of these jobs are strenuous or particularly time-consuming with the exception of walking the dog which (I would have thought) would be a good start to the day for a bloke who has to spend the rest of his day stuck behind a desk or the wheel of a vehicle or a piece of machinery.

Perhaps they could swap roles for a week or two - then see who "hasn't got time".

When I had to work away when dcs were small, DP had a fortnight off work to be with them. He was utterly exhausted and brain-dead when I returned.

No, I didnt miss it Baroque. I just think the 4 jobs could be different ones maybe.

Walk the dog in the evening perhaps. Most people do not have time in a morning to walk a dog if they are going to work.

It also makes a difference if he is up at say 6am, and not getting home till 6pm.. that may not be the case, but we dont know.

You are not being unreasonable at all. That's a very, very short and easy list and any man should be capable of doing them with no problem at all, especially as you're doing everything else AND dealing with the kids.

Did he leave home and mother straight into married life?

So, he does sometimes do those jobs? I am a SAHM, my DH always does the bins, and does the washing up after an evening meal (I always cook). I wash up during the day the things we've used (no dishwasher). I walk the dog during the week, he will do it at weekend, or we all go together. I never make him lunch! Hmm, perhaps I'm doing ok!

Men hate being told what to do don't they! My DH gets really grumpy if he thinks he's being nagged, but if I ask nicely and am really grateful he will do it- worth it IMO. He does earn the money to allow me to stay at home after all.

With two children with ASD at home though, he needs to know that that in itself is a full time job, just as his is, so you don't have much more time to do household chores than him!

So...YANBU, but how you approach it if you really feel strongly about it is up to you! You know him best.

how about just starting with one.
you are not his boss.

the dog in the morning, is that too much hassle for him before work.
in which case, the dishwasher, is that an evenign job?
and the bins, can't think why not.

is he not rushing around in a morning to go

Who says dishwasher and bins have to be done in the morning? Or the lunches, which could be made the evening before and put in the fridge?

The only specifically morning thing in that laughably short list is the dog walking.

Men hate being told what to do don't they!

yes, that's right. Every single one of us.

oopsdaisy - we are in agreement then i guess if we both feel that partners should help each other.

hours of work should be shared equally amongst both partners - assuming they are both fit and healthy.

- glad to be in agreement, dreamingofsun.

My tone was probably a bit off in my first post.

I am a bit "in yer face" when I feel strongly about something.

DP's best mate has always been scared of me. .

Wow very mixed replies.
These don't need to be done on the morning, only walking the dog. I load the dishwasher during the day as I go but just needs to be emptied. He is in an office all day.
Yes we are married and yes he came straight from his mums!
And I walk the dog swell, he is walked three times a day.

Sorry Mymblesson, didn't mean it to sound like that. I meant more, doesn't everyone react badly if they think they're being ordered to do something, rather than asked nicely. I didn't mean it to sound so ridiculous!

I cannot believe there are people on here siding with the husband.

He has four, just four, tasks to do to run the house, alongside his work.

Hands up all those of you working full time who have more than four tasks needed to get themselves to work.

I normally side with the argument that the SAHM should do the bulk of the work, but in this case the OP is, and the little she is asking her DH to do, he's shirking!

OP YANBU!

what time does your dh leave the house in the morning? what time does he get in after work? how helpful is he at the weekend? is he hands on with the kids when he is home?

What do I think? I think perhaps you should have a small chat and renegotiate those jobs. Perhaps he can walk the dog after work and you walk him/her in the morning.

I used to take the dog when I walked to the school, which was 2 times daily, I also walked him after dinner. When dh came home from his late shift, he'd do one last walk.
Our ds does the garbage, and dishwasher.

yes he came straight from his mums!

Ha! There you go, then. You have 3 kids in the house who are used to mum doing everything for them

I don't buy the rushing around in the morning thing.

My older 2 DS's (10 and 7) have both managed to (Between them) unload (and load on some mornings!) the dishwasher, put a load of washing on, hang some washing indoors to dry, watch some TV and still get to school on time.

If children can do it then I don't see why a grown man can't.

Sorry Mymblesson, didn't mean it to sound like that.

That's OK - it's just I've only been on MN a short while and the number of times I've seens 'men do this...' 'men are like that...' is amusing.

oppsadaisy thats ok makes for a more interesting debate. sounds such a simple question but i think this might be quite an interesting thread.

sure i'm going to get flamed - but i've never thought of looking after the children as work or walking the dog. these are hobbies/interests. though i guess ASD brings another dimension to things

no Mymblesson - go and stand in the corner NOW (go, on do it, and stand on your head while you're there as well to show us how well you can take orders )