To think dh should be able to do these jobs!

[lisad123isasnuttyasaboxoffrogs]

Ok I'm a sahm to two kids with ASD. I do everything in the house apart from four jobs I ask dh to do but half the time he doesn't do it or says he hasn't time to do them. What do you think? The jobs are
Make his and dd1 lunch
Dishwasher
Bins
Walk dog in morning

Mymblesson I agree, but often the DP/DH just isn't around to see what it's really like, and when they say, what did you do today, you just kind of say oh all the usual, tearing around... and they can like, yeah right.

When I first gave up paid work (when we first had children I was working full time) my DH was a bit like that. But after a while, it only took him to be home for a day or two on "normal" days of me running around like a loony to remember that I too am "working" still. His attitude is massively improved and much more appreciative, and although he works out of the home very hard, and brings home the bacon, he still does what he can, I really cannot complain, so I feel lucky.

There was some twat on the Stansted Airport programme last night who was cleaning down glass and lights. He commented to the camera, and it was oh so predictable,

"if my wife is watching, don't go getting any ideas. I may be very good at doing this as part of my paid job but I'm not starting doing all this at home."

Even DH just kind of looked at me and said, god what a complete twat with an attitude like that. DH actually used the phrase you used, "Partnership".

You are so spot on.

Sorry, that was a bit long!

Rev - your husband sounds awful. Things need to change before your dc2 comes along. Totally untenable situation.

"but i've never thought of looking after the children as work or walking the dog. these are hobbies/interests"

at this. Looking after the children is a hobby?? What a bizarre way of looking at it. I really like sewing and reading. If I decide to go off and have lunch by myself, my sewing or my book will not start wailing that I need to play with them, or swallow a small coin or run into the road. Neither will they follow me to the loo and ask for a running commentary on proceedings.

I have a 2 year old and an 8 month old. I love them dearly, but they are extremely hard work and an enormous responsibility. I do not get 3 minutes peace between 8am and 6.30pm when my DH gets home from work. (Before anyone asks, I am typing one-handed while baby feeds and DD is at nursery for one of her 2 mornings a week.:)) It is relentless and all-consuming. I do what I can in washing etc terms during the day, but do I expect shared responsibility for chores in the evening? Damned right I do - in fact more like 60/40, as i'm the one up repeatedly at night for feeds/changes/big scary monsters in the cupboard etc (as I accept that if you are brain-dead from night waking it is harder to be an engineer than a sahm during the day!)

And without turning this into woh/sahm debate (I've done both) it is not double the work going out to work in house chore terms - unless there are pixies in your house while you are at work wanting to get out all their tiniest most fiddly toys, get paint all over the kitchen floor, and tread mud from the park into the living room carpet.

OP, imo you need to forget thinking in terms of 'his' tasks and start demanding that he not sit on his arse in the evenings while you are doing the chores - doesn't matter what he does, but he shouldn't be getting significantly more leisure time than you do - what you do during the day is categorically NOT leisure. It has its rewards, just like doing a job does, but it is bloody hard work.

often the DP/DH just isn't around to see what it's really like

I suppose I have the advantage of being an ex-Primary teacher, so I know how tiring being around young children all day can be.

Plus of course we talk and I could see for myself how exhausted and wound up she was - hence the bath and relaxation 'ritual' of an evening. I am quite aware my son is my son too and of course his care is equally my responsibility.

We split childcare as it needs doing, too and do whatever we're better at. She's rubbish in the morning, for example and I'm fine, so I always get up at weekends when he wakes at 6.30 and look after him, usually popping back to bed for a snooze myself when she came down a couple of hours later.

Partnerships are like that and I can't imagine it any other way.

OK, in answer to some questions
DDs are 8years old and 3years old. The 3 year old goes to a specialist preschool 3 sessions a week, which I have to drive to as its not near by. On the days I am just running DD1 to school I take the dog. I also take him up there every afternoon and one of us does a late evening walk.
He needs a quick 15-20 walk in the morning just to go loo and burn off some engry (his a labradoddle) and the choice was both of ours.
DH leaves the house at 8.30am and gets back about 5.30pm to dinner on the table.
I cannot walk the dog in the morning as the girls need alot of imput in the mornings especially if there is any chances in the routines.
I never get a lunch break, where as DH gets time alone at lunch, and in the drive home.
I used to work until recently.
The reaosn he has set jobs is because he tells him, he can never see what needs to be done, he would happily walk passed a full bin, a packet on the floor or a pile of washing and not think to do anything about it

lisad - his work hours don't sound terribly arduous. personally i'd work out what yours are and then half any work over that with him.

i do all the work in our house and 4 days paid work - but thats because my husband does 60 hours paid work/commute.

My opinion on the split should be that it should work out that your 'working week' is the same.

So the number of hours that he is working, earning the money - you are working. - children, housework, dog etc.

All tasks over and above that are 50/50 split.

Libellule I love your post and it's soooo true

lisa YANBU at all, your DH is being a bit pants not to be able to even do such few and short jobs. Definitely think you should be taking the "equal leisure time" approach, and giving him a bit of a kick up the metaphorical backside too. He is hardly doing long hours or anything...