To think dh should be able to do these jobs!

[lisad123isasnuttyasaboxoffrogs]

Ok I'm a sahm to two kids with ASD. I do everything in the house apart from four jobs I ask dh to do but half the time he doesn't do it or says he hasn't time to do them. What do you think? The jobs are
Make his and dd1 lunch
Dishwasher
Bins
Walk dog in morning

Well, we're all guilty of generalising I'm sure. My DH hates being told what to do, but then, so do I! I guess we all assume it's all women on here, it being called 'mumsnet'!

looking afer children if i equals playing with them is not work as such, but what about the cooking for them, shopping for them, washing up after them, the laundry for them, the homework wih them, the tidying after them etc etc...? THAT little lot is work!!!

baroque - we don't know what time he starts work and how long his commute is. school doesn't start till 8.30/9am and is normally a max 30 mins commute. please can i swap your children for mine?

But you can stop and start a hobby or interest. You don't have a choice about looking after kids or walking the dog, unless you want anarchy!

Right I'm off to walk the dog!

¡ʍouʞ noʎ 'uʍop ǝpısdn ǝdʎʇ oʇ ʇlnɔıɟɟıp ʇıq ɐ s,ʇı

Bum. Inverted text doesn't work on here.

Quite right, Dropdeadfred. That is work.

Also, being at home all day with dcs is hard work because it is mentally very draining.

Personally, when mine were small, I found being at my job stimulating and stressful in a more positive way. I think being at home with dcs is very, very hard work.

Having to explain that you are just popping to the loo. Dragging them round the shops (takes twenty times as long) and repeating, repeating, repeating, why we don't put playdoh in the cat's ears etc is mind-blowingly tedious.

I love my dcs by the way!

no dreaming - you're not having my children

Why does it matter what time he has to leave for work - they're not "time specific" jobs - only thing I can see a possible issue with in regards to commute/start time is the dog walking.

I don't really understand the idea of giving a H 'jobs' to do like he's one of the DC!

Surely as two adults in a partnership you should share the jobs? I work (PT) so maybe that makes a difference in some people's eyes, but basically when we get in from work, between us we cook a meal, clean up afterwards, have a tidy round, do lunches for the next day, then later do baths for the DC & get them ready for bed. That way it all gets done reasonably quickly and we're ready to sit down together with a cuppa by about 8.

Whoever starts doing something, the other does something else - it's not like either of us don't know what jobs need to be done after yeeeeeeears of it!

The only job which is always mine is taking the children to and from school, as my work hours make that possible for me.

How old are childre? Are they pre-school, home educated or at school all day. What time does DH leave and arrive home?

Does he think he does the outside the home work and provides the money and your share of the partnership is you do the inside of the home work and provide the childcare? Or does he just hate those particular chores?

Need more info before taking a view.

but i've never thought of looking after the children as work

I disagree strongly with this. My wife was a stay-at-home-mum for nearly 2 years and she used to find it very exhausting even with just one child. She's not the most patient of people. When I came home from work I used to run her a hot bath so she could soak and unwind for an hour or so with a glass of wine while I looked after our son and cooked dinner.

It became our routine and I think it stopped her from going doolally

MooMoofarm - that system may work for you, but it doesn't work for many couples.

Dh and I prefer to have divide the household jobs separately, I always put out the bins, dh empties the dishwasher for example. It would be chaotic if we both try and do the same thing (or neither of us would do it!).

Lisad - of course you are not being unreasonable. If your dh lived alone, he would have to do far more then that. It's because he knows that you will do it if he says he doesn't have the time.

Whose dog is it? (Or rather, who wanted the dog?)
Are the children in school, or any childcare setting?

Can the dog be walked when you take the kids to park/school/childcare/shops, etc?

Agree with Belgo - some household it works well as you do MooMoo - others it keeps the peace easier to have "jobs".

dropdead - but a lot of that you would have to do anyway if you were in paid employment.

And if looking after children is so tedious and boring why do you have them? I confess I'm jealous of SAHMs as had to go back to work and loved my maternity leave which was a doss in comparison.

I empty the dishwasher in the time it takes to boil a full kettle. It doesn't really cross my consciousness from one day to the next. My dh does do it sometimes but it's not an issue. Small issues start to look bigger when you are both stressed out or tired.

Boxoffrogs sounds like you feel generally overwhelmed and undersupported, it does sound like you've got a lot on your plate. Tell your dh how you feel without bringing the dishwasher etc into it. Make sure you tell him what is good about him or your situation,too. If he's basically a good guy he'll listen and start to pull his weight practically and emotionally.

Fair enough - maybe it helps that DH lived on his own for a while before we got together so was used to doing everything for himself anyway. But then I'm thinking surely most men had to look after themselves at some point anyway? Perhaps the 'trick' as a woman is to not take over all the household jobs from the onset....

SOrry thats probably a really unhelpful comment

baroque - its very relevant what time he leaves for work. my husband goes at 4am - i can't see him being keen to get up at 3am to walk the dog etc.

Seemed a reasonable thing to do Baroque. She'd had a lot harder day than I had, after all.

Mymbleson - Did you really run her a bath every day? I would much rather do that myself, after all, it only involves turning on the taps.

dreamingofsun - I haven't complained about my dc but obvioulsy when people have a moan about cerain aspects of parenthood there are loads that they still adore about being a parent - ome stuff is boring/draining, no getting away from that fact.
As for doing all hat stuff anyway, well when i was working full tie i only had one meal a day at home, only had adult clothes to wash and one set of bedding.
The work at least doubles with 2 childen and theamount of time you have to do thechores can also seem decreased because you are at their beck and call too...surely you can understand that domestic life on your own is sooo much easier than managing a house wih kids?

wonders whether Mymbles DC has hijacked his computer or whether he's having a strop at being told what to do

I was trying to do inverted text so I could show I was indeed typing updaide down. Unfortunately the MN boards are a bit primitive and don't allow it.