To be OFFENDED by this (smoking and pregnancy)

[nannyl]

I have recently moved 250miles to live with OH from hampshire to Yorkshire.

I get the impression there are so many more smokers on yorkshire than down south

I dont smoke.... NOT ONE of my down south friends smoke and NONE of my family smoke. I dont think i even know any smokers, (ie friends friends, who we may meet at weddings / parties)

OH doesnt smoke, but most of his family do.
Most of OHs friends who we see socially, we met through his running club are fit runners who also dont smoke.
I work in an independant school, and i dont know of any of the staff that smoke (clearly never would in school grounds) but i do know for sure that no member of staff in my dept (pre-prep) smoke.
It is rare for me to be with a lot of smokers.
I am completley anti smoking as is OH.

Anyway last night it was OH brothers birthday and we went out for a surpise birthday meal with lots of their friends... (most of whom are much nearer 20, where as me and OH are more 30!)
Anyway OH and I were the ONLY non-smokers there.. (and they all had numerous fag breaks, every 20 - 30 mins , I have no problem with them smoking outside where i dont have to breath it)

So it was apparent that we are the only non-smokers... and now i get to the bit that makes me cross

One of the mid twenities guys came in and said to me in front of everyone, quite seriously " Have you not considered smoking while pregnant so you have a smaller baby and easier birth?"
Told him in no uncertain terms that there is no way id be smoking to get a small baby, and in doing so id be trying to KILL my baby. Went off on one as to why on earth would anyone want to kill their child or make them ill on purpose?

I really went off on one.... (but i am 12 weeks pregnant and it was the 1st time "killing my baby on purpose" has ever even entered my head.)

so was i U?
To go off on one to some smokers who i have never met before?

If you come across as this narrowminded and judgemental in real life as you do in your post, I can understand why he was trying to wind you up.

Get over yourself a little bit!

The guy was a twat, but the fact that you don't smoke does not give you moral superiority over those who do.

Your little rant about how you don't even know anyone who smokes was completely irrelevant to the point it seems you are trying to make, and you do need to be a lot little less judgemental about people who smoke. You are not better than them.

I think he just has a twisted sense of humour and you're a bit hormonal. Just forget it. You will hear far worse things in the coming months...... People will start giving you their opinions on everything helpful advice about your pregnancy.

If they were smoking outside then there was no reason to get your knickers in a knot and your knickers must have been visibly knotted for him to have picked up on it.

Doesn't mean he's not a twat but he was obviously trying to get a rise out of you. Wouldn't give it any more thought.

Were you trying to get the word smoke in your OP as many times as possible?

The only relevant part is the bit about the baby. I don't know why you bothered with the rest? If people smoke then they smoke (shrugs)

Going off on a rant in the middle of a dinner party not really the done thing, was everyone stunned into silence?
At 12 weeks how did the guy even know you were pregnant?

Gosh yes obviously Southerners don't smoke. . Although I think you forgot to tell us if your neighbours (both old and new) smoke...everyone else was covered.

Apparently a lot of people believe this, but I'm not so sure.

Don't be too worried, they're smokers and are therefore stupid () At least they'll probably die before you and then you wont have to worry about them!

i dont mind what other people do at all. am very happy for them to pay lots of tax on their fags...

and so long as they dont make me breath their smoke (which they dont, so a non issue) and dont suggest i do it to make my birth easier / harm my baby!

oh its grim up north!

the guy was a twat though and you were right to have a go. i think your op would have got more support if you had been less detailed in your 'smokers uk' census data

YANBU, that is a disgusting thing to say to a pregnant woman, even as a 'joke'. Not sure why you're getting a hard time, perhaps some of the other posters smoke too?I don't really mix with people who smoke, either, and find it a revolting habit.

Sadly, I have come across this attitude in real life - some incredibly stupid people genuinely do think that if you smoke you get a smaller baby and easier birth. I heard two morons women in the antenatal ward when I had dd saying that it was better to have smaller ones - theirs were both 5lb something - and you can do that by smoking.

Don't let some narrow minded idiot upset you and enjoy your pregnancy.

worral - 17 times, and only 18 sentences!

geekcool, as you asked, no neighbours in my last house down south (we lived in a cul-de-sac) smoked, and yes about half neighbours up here do

People suggest things all the time. Anyone with half a brain knows how stupid the suggestion the suggestion was. A quick witty response would have sufficed rather than a full blown rant.
You do sound awfully smug though.

I totally understand your point about smoking in pregnancy not being a good idea (well researched and documented) but if he made that comment word for word, it was either a deliberate attempt to wind you up or a drunk bloke trying to make conversation. In my experience, saying yes, that in fact you're secretly puffing on 60 a day and adding in how you are craving arsenic at present are a better defense mechanism!

I wonder whether your insistence on telling us all how many people in Yorkshire appear to be smokers is you voicing a little bit of uncertainty about whether you wish to raise your child there and perhaps regret moving from Hampshire??? Again, I understand this if OH's family all smoke and you are determined to protect your child from viewing smokers as role models. Is the issue really some 20 year old bloke you don't know???

I second "its grim up north" :)

I think you are suffering slightly from pregnancy induced sense of humour failure (I did too, so not judging you!). It was clearly a twatty thing to say, but I suspect the bloke was just winding you up becasue you obviously have a bit of a thing about smoking. Forget about it and enjoy your pregnancy!

maybe you misunderstood what he said, what will his impenetrable accent and the muffling effect of the cloth cap

lol at some of these replies

YABU he was clearly joking

Do the Whippets smoke?

It's extraordinary. Every time I go from Yorkshire (where NOT ONE of my friends or family smokes) down to London I seem to encounter nothing but smokers. My 20 year old BIL, his friends, people standing in pub and restaurant doorways, outside shops and offices.... I think we must be living in some kind of mirror version of each other's universes.
YABTU - there are smokers everywhere. You just haven't previously been feeling het up about it

Us Southerners can't afford to smoke, we're too busy buying second and third homes. Fags are around £5 per pack and you can buy a whole street for that Oop North according to the Daily Mail

Your attitude comes across very much as classy southerners don't smoke, working class northerners do. Tosh, if you come across half as badly in real life as you have here I'm not surprised he wanted to wind you up.

I speak as an ex public school, ex smoker on the dummy South coast.

Ha ha st dummy South Coast, obviously should read sunny.

I did wonder Ninky, but when you think of some of our seaside towns...well