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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be OFFENDED by this (smoking and pregnancy)

108 replies

nannyl · 28/02/2011 09:31

I have recently moved 250miles to live with OH from hampshire to Yorkshire.

I get the impression there are so many more smokers on yorkshire than down south

I dont smoke.... NOT ONE of my down south friends smoke and NONE of my family smoke. I dont think i even know any smokers, (ie friends friends, who we may meet at weddings / parties)

OH doesnt smoke, but most of his family do.
Most of OHs friends who we see socially, we met through his running club are fit runners who also dont smoke.
I work in an independant school, and i dont know of any of the staff that smoke (clearly never would in school grounds) but i do know for sure that no member of staff in my dept (pre-prep) smoke.
It is rare for me to be with a lot of smokers.
I am completley anti smoking as is OH.

Anyway last night it was OH brothers birthday and we went out for a surpise birthday meal with lots of their friends... (most of whom are much nearer 20, where as me and OH are more 30!)
Anyway OH and I were the ONLY non-smokers there.. (and they all had numerous fag breaks, every 20 - 30 mins , I have no problem with them smoking outside where i dont have to breath it)

So it was apparent that we are the only non-smokers... and now i get to the bit that makes me cross

One of the mid twenities guys came in and said to me in front of everyone, quite seriously " Have you not considered smoking while pregnant so you have a smaller baby and easier birth?"
Told him in no uncertain terms that there is no way id be smoking to get a small baby, and in doing so id be trying to KILL my baby. Went off on one as to why on earth would anyone want to kill their child or make them ill on purpose?

I really went off on one.... (but i am 12 weeks pregnant and it was the 1st time "killing my baby on purpose" has ever even entered my head.)

so was i U?
To go off on one to some smokers who i have never met before?

OP posts:

dogscatsandbabies · 28/02/2011 10:39

Tongue in cheek, yes, I think that would have been a great response!!!

allsquareknickersnofurcoat · 28/02/2011 10:40

My mum didnt smoke at all during the (planned) pregnancies of me and my middle sister. When she found out she was pregnant (accidentally) with my little sister, she chain smoked the packet she had, then stopped. Little sis is a foot shorter than me and middle sis...

My anecdotal evidence proves this is true, maybe he was just trying to help? 20 year old men generally dont know much about human biology anyway. My DH asked me what a placenta was when I was pregnant. And hes not 20, by a long shot!!

bupcakesandcunting · 28/02/2011 10:40

"Since when was i "nasty"?

should i have said, great idea, pass me a fag and ill start smoking now?"

Well, obviously not. But ranting and raving has done you no favours and you're still thinking about it now so it's wound you up, clearly. A tut, eye-roll and change of subject would have been better.

BuzzLiteBeer · 28/02/2011 10:41

You still can't make peoples choices for them, even if the outcome affects you. If people choose to smoke, its their own business.

Original poster

nannyl · 28/02/2011 10:42

Yup .... done yachting and can sail one,!

(can sail most boats actually, dingies, powerboats, Gin palaces AND yachts).... Have spent several months of my life aboard yachts, (but not with smokers!)

OP posts:

Original poster

nannyl · 28/02/2011 10:42

(alot of my time aboard has been while working)

OP posts:

hogshead · 28/02/2011 10:42

The chap has probably only just found out how babies are made! Tbh most blokes only get clued up on pregnancy when their partner is having a baby.

Probably didn't engage brain before opening his mouth

bubbleymummy · 28/02/2011 10:43

Is this seriously a thread in support of smoking?

OP chances are the guy at the party was winding you up but YANBU to feel the way you do. I'm with shiney on this one. Smoking is a stupid and selfish thing to do. We all have to live with your disgusting smoke and cigarette butts everywhere not to mention the amount of money that ends up getting spent treating you for all your smoking related illnesses.

nickytwotimes · 28/02/2011 10:44

aye, what trillianastra said - the big deal about northerners is what irked me.
i am not a northerner - i am a scot so god knows what you thin of me!

raedrenn · 28/02/2011 10:44

What a load of sanctimonious bum crap!

I used to smoke (heaps and for a long time) but stopped a few years ago. So glad I did but I refuse to be all judgemental pants about other smokers. I think they get a crap enough time as it is off other people. Smokers are all well aware they are killing themselves/stupid for smoking/etc. without having folk sneering at them. The bloke was obviously winding OP up - probably because he was fed up of being looked down on all evening.

nickytwotimes · 28/02/2011 10:45

[adjusts kilt and sits down to eat porrige]

worraliberty · 28/02/2011 10:46

Like fat people bubbley they cost a fortune too to treat for weight related conditions. It's still best not to judge though don't you think?

GeekCool · 28/02/2011 10:46

It's not a thread in support of smoking, however it is personal choice, if a smoker is responsible, it isn't any of your business. Talking down to adults in the manner of the OP just makes her look smug and annoying.

bupcakesandcunting · 28/02/2011 10:47

It's not in support of smoking. It's in support of not looking down your superior nose at people who make adult choices for themselves.

Imagine if OP had posted a thread saying "I lived in London. When I was in London no-one was fat. Everyone was thin and ate salad. All of my friends were thin and ate salad and I did not mix with anyone who ate salad. However, I moved up to Yorkshire and everyone was fat. They were all fat but I am not fat and DH is not fat but everyone else in Yorkshire is fat and all they do is eat pies. Big, greasy, steaming pies and they are fat... etc etc"

Now, as a formerly overweight person, I don't much like over-eating. But I don't sneer at people who do it. Because it's sod all to do with me.

NinkyNonker · 28/02/2011 10:48

In that case op you will understand the point I make. Try getting into any yacht club without having to push your way through a crowd of chino-ed smokers, tis unfortunately very common. The many years I spent working in the yachting industry showed me that sometimes the 'classier' the person the less classy their habits!

Anyway, we're getting side tracked.

bupcakesandcunting · 28/02/2011 10:49

"[adjusts kilt and sits down to eat porrige]"a

Good grief, woman. You can't even type "porridge" properly. Now, being scottish, you're either illiterate or your fingers are so fat from scronfing all of those deep-fried Mars bars that you don't actually type, but just mash your porky little fingers into the buttons and hope for the best.

Which is it, lass?

Original poster

nannyl · 28/02/2011 10:51

Ninkynonker, yes i agree with that!!!!

OP posts:

BuzzLiteBeer · 28/02/2011 10:51

Yes it is quite obviously a thread in support of smoking.

Also re amount of money spent on treating smokers illnesses is less than the tax take on tobacco. So actually, smokers are subsidising your treatment!

nickytwotimes · 28/02/2011 10:52

no, bupcakes, my fingers are macerated from counting all my coinage.

worraliberty · 28/02/2011 10:52

I'm cracking up laughing here at bupcakes and Nicky

bupcakesandcunting · 28/02/2011 10:56

Well, maybe you should spend some of that hoarded coinage to get a finger reduction op'

Piggyleroux · 28/02/2011 10:57

You seem a bit opinionated OP.

Rannaldini · 28/02/2011 10:57

sounds like he was perhaps joking

it's difficult when you are newly pregnant. jokes seem beyond the pale as it's all very very important to you. the most important thing
added to a big move to unfamiliar surroundings and people. it must be very difficult.

try to have a moment when someone says something to you and you immediately see red
could it be that their sense of humour is different than yours?
that they are drier or more sarcastic?
are you feeling a little touchy or vulnerable?

try to take a minute and let things flow over you for just a while.

TrillianAstra · 28/02/2011 10:58

Scots are worse than Northerners, because Scotland is even farther North!

nickytwotimes · 28/02/2011 11:01

pom bear shaped shortbread, anyone?

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